Sorrow that the eye can't see

...and apparently any medical tests...

I'm sorry that I haven't been more frequent on the blog as of late. I have been having an incredibly unfortunate time with not feeling well at all. Today I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my lower abdomen and lower back and ended up spending the afternoon in the emergency room trying to figure out what was going on. They did a pelvic and abdomen CT scan, as well as an ultrasound of my liver, gallbladder and pancreas. Ask me what they found? Go ahead. Ask me.

That's right. Nothing.

I'm apparently in pain for absolutely no reason at all. They think I still might have a bladder infection, even though I just finished taking antibiotics for that on Friday. It could be. Who knows, anymore.

So I was thinking about all the tests and how my insurance probably hates me right now and how many days I lose to feeling so bad and just being genuinely frustrated at the whole situation when I realized that I needed to take a breath. I needed to close my eyes and calm down. I needed to think. I already know I have a weakened immune system. I know that I tend to have things hit me pretty hard that would normally breeze right by others, and I know that I am working with some of the best doctors around to try and figure out my health troubles at this time. But I'm so focused and freaked out on them not finding anything that I don't realize all the things that are being done to try and find something.

I decided to try and change my thinking and be grateful. So, here is my list of "grateful's" for today:

I'm grateful I don't have kidney stones.
I'm grateful I didn't throw up today (there were a couple of times that came close).
I'm grateful James was with me today through all the tests and doctors.
I'm grateful for my dad and brother who came over at the drop of a hat even though they were in the middle of doing something else (I'm so grateful for this).
I'm grateful for the priesthood and the ability to get a blessing.
I'm grateful for modern medicine and hopeful it makes me feel better.

Even though in my heart there is sorrow that the eye can't see, I can still be grateful and try to turn my situation around. Things will get better. I'm going to give my all to make it so. Thanks for hanging in there with me everyone. I am grateful for your friendship and support as well.