Summer Clouds

As I was working on James' computer today I happened upon some pictures of summer clouds that I took last year. I thought it would be fitting to make it into a video for you all to enjoy. These were taken in Longmont, Colorado right before a storm. The music is by Sally DeFord titled "My Grateful Spirit Sings". No, it isn't me singing, but I sure wish it was. I've sung this song before, but this version is sung by Heather Prusse. You can find this song, and others like it, by going here. I hope you enjoy the video. 

This man makes me laugh

The other day I was not feeling well, so when James came home he decided to make some stuffed shells for dinner. It was a comedic event, really, because he had never made this recipe himself before. I had made it the couple of times we had it previously. So, he asked if I would read the recipe off to him. I agreed, and an evening full of laughter ensued. 

James is a really funny guy. I remember the first time I noticed this at church before we even started dating. We were talking about something with a friend of ours and he calmly slid in some type of joke. I don't remember what the joke was, but I do remember laughing and I think I said "James' got jokes!" I think that was the time I first started to see him in a different light.

Since then he has been nothing but wonderful, and there truly has not been one single day since we have been together that he has failed to make me laugh. I know most people would think some of his jokes and stories might not be something to tickle their funny bone, but this man makes me laugh! While he was making the dinner he was making up funny little songs, doing a jig (yes, he does jigs, and quite well, I might add), and just being funny. I'm laughing even now as I write this and think about it. 

Anyway, after the dinner was made he asked me if I wanted some. I told him I wasn't that hungry and asked him if he could please get me two shells. He said he would love to and then said he would serve himself some too. I heard him rustling around in the kitchen for a few minutes and then he came back, two plates in hand and handed me mine. I immediately started laughing. Here is what they looked like:

James asked what was so funny, and I said it looked hilarious on the plate. I mean, could he have picked a larger plate to put the two small shells on? It just made me laugh and once he realized what I was looking at, he started laughing too. He said he didn't even think about what he was doing, but that he was so excited to eat them that he just put them on the first plate he could find. 

Aw, James. You make me laugh and I could not love you more for that. :) Here's to you, baby.

Some thoughts on cancer

Today was rather uneventful, which is good because I wasn't feeling well so I ended up sleeping a lot. My neck hurts and they told me it might, but I didn't expect it this far after the RAI. I thought it would be the same day, or at the very least the day after. I'm tired of being tied up in the house, afraid of touching anything for fear it will be radioactive and hurt James. And I miss James. It's not the same without him here. At least he comes home tomorrow, so that's good. When I spoke to him on the phone tonight I must admit that I teared up a little bit because it was good to hear his voice. I'll be happy to see him after he gets home from work.

You know, there have been so many people who have told me that having thyroid cancer is a good thing; it's a good cancer, "the best one to have". I recall all too vividly my doctor saying to me "If you have to get a cancer, this is the one to get!" I seriously beg to differ. Having any type of cancer is difficult. It's difficult on the person who has it, the family, friends and loved ones around him/her, work and life schedules, and just everything. Sure, thyroid cancer has a high success rate; 95%! However, we have to go through a lot of treatment in order to have that, and I don't think people fully understand that. They get caught up on the high success rate and don't realize there is so much more to it.  A book I am reading hits it home all too well with this paragraph:

"...the first thing most people diagnosed with thyroid cancer hear is, 'This is a good cancer.' But because it's a 'good cancer,' there has been an assumption that thyroid cancer patients do not suffer and do not need the same level of psychosocial support as other cancer patients. Thyroid cancer patients go through a great deal of treatment to become and remain cancer free. So hearing that you've got a 'good cancer' is not that comforting when you're struggling to fight cancer."

It has been an interesting experience these last few months. It started in September of last year and has not stopped yet. I still have a long way to go before I am considered cancer free. It has been a hard journey, and truthfully I am glad to be blessed with the strength I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going. Again, I appreciate all the support everyone has provided me. You all make it so much easier for me to continue fighting this. Thank you.

Lil Pig has her own site!

Good news everyone! Lil Pig has her own site where her adventures are available for everyone to read about. There are a couple of adventures over there already, but be sure to follow her blog so you know when new adventures have been posted. I am so excited to announce this. She's been asking me for a few weeks now when she was going to get her own site, and now it is official! Here is the website:

 http://myfriendlilpig.blogspot.com/

I hope you all enjoy it. If you have any thoughts or suggestions on some adventures for her, just let me know! Thanks!

Meet Crystal. RADIOACTIVE WOMAN!

Today I went and took the radioactive iodine (RAI) pill. I had been asked by friends and family leading up to the big day if I was nervous about the whole process, and I said no. I had been well prepared by my doctor, family members who are in the medical profession, and the insane amount of research I myself had done, so I was fairly versed in what the process would entail and what was going to happen. However, I don't think any of that truly prepared me for this experience. 

Driving to the hospital this morning I kept my mind focused on the traffic and the radio. When I got to the hospital I checked in, and after a few minutes they took me back to the nuclear medicine department. They had to do a pregnancy test first to make sure I wasn't pregnant, which I wasn't. And I knew that. 

After that the radiation oncologist came out and talked to me more about the process. He asked me questions about why I was coming in, what I was having done, and why I needed to do it to make sure I understood what was going on. I passed with flying colors. :) 

Then he explained how the RAI actually works. He said the RAI is a two part process. The first part is the emission of gamma rays from the medicine itself. He said this was the byproduct of the medicine and has a range of three to four feet. This is why I have to stay away from people because it could potentially damage them and their thyroid, unlike how it is helping me. Odd, I know, but it makes sense. Then he said the second part is the part that actually attaches to the thyroid cells and kills the cancer. That part, called a beta something-or-other, only has a range of less than a millimeter, so there is no worry about that piece affecting others. 

He told me the pill would be brought out in a vial that was contained within a lead case. Now, I heard this was how the RAI was going to be administered, and I even told people about it, but some people found it hard to believe. So I asked the doctor if it was alright if I took a picture of the lead container so I could show my family and friends. He kind of laughed but said it should be fine. After the doctor and I had a little chat, he left and the nurse came in and put some water bottles on the table for me. Then she left and came back with the container. Here is what it looks like:

The lead container

Close up of the lead container. The water bottles are 8 ounces each.

The lead container weighed probably about five pounds or so, maybe a little less. She placed it on the counter next to me, and then stood about 3 feet away. She told me I just needed to pull the lid off (it was already unscrewed) and inside would be the vial (I didn't get a picture of that. They don't really let you keep the lid open for very long. They want you to swallow it as soon as you can). She told me all I had to do was pick up the lid, pull out the vial, remove the lid to the vial, and then take the pill and swallow it. I had to do this all on my own. She couldn't touch it.

Here's a little something you might not know about me. At work I attend a lot of meetings and training sessions. Sometimes I like to play with my pen during those meetings. I like to pretend that my pen is a nuclear missile that only I have the ability to dismantle without causing it to blow up and destroy everything. This takes a practiced hand, my friends, and is not something that just anyone can handle. I carefully unscrew all the pieces of the pen, and take all the pieces apart until I get down to the container that holds the ink. I gently and carefully remove it from the shell of the pen and place it slowly on the table. Mission complete! I have just saved everyone from the world's smallest nuclear weapon! But wait!! Now my task is to put it all back together and make sure I don't cause it to go off. Once I put it all back together I gently place the pen on the table and give a silent cheer for yet another successful mission.

What does any of that have to do with taking RAI, you ask? Well, as I was removing the lid to the lead container and I peered inside to the tiny vial with the blue top, I was suddenly reminded of that little game I play, and my hands started to shake. I just started laughing and said "how funny is it that my hands are totally shaking right now?" The nurse kind of chuckled, but she couldn't fully appreciate my humor because she didn't know about my little game. It was a weird sensation to be thinking of that while I was actually handling something that was radioactive. And not only that, but I had to swallow it, too. Craziness!

Well, I pulled off the lid, removed the vial with the blue top, and tipped it over into my hand, but that little pill had a mind of its own and it decided to swivel, swerve, and otherwise defy gravity in my hand! I realized I could very seriously freak out right at that moment, so I grabbed it and threw it in my mouth and guzzled water until I was sure it had gone down. Mission accomplished! :)

Then the nurse walked me out of the room and guided me back to the elevators where I was able to get back in my car and go home. It was weird knowing all the things I knew about the treatment and knowing that I had just swallowed a radioactive pill and was emitting the aforementioned gamma rays, and yet they let me walk right out! It's just weird. I don't have any side effects. Right now I am extremely tired, but that could be because I haven't eaten anything yet. They said to wait for one to two hours afterward, so I am more than good to go eat something now. It was an all around interesting experience. Let's hope the RAI truly does a good job of killing off the cancer cells the first time around.

Hello Again!

Well, I'll be if it hasn't been two weeks to the day since I have posted last. I do apologize for that. Since I returned to work life has become crazy again. Sometimes I long for the peacefulness that was my healing process. I long for the days I could sleep in, the absence of rushing from one place to another, and catching up on Gilmore Girls. I never knew I could like that show as much as I do. Oh, well. I can't do those things now. Now, I seem to be going to bed later (such is the case tonight), rushing from work to visit with family members and friends, working on homework and trying to eat dinner at a reasonable hour (I never was one to enjoy eating so late).

Today was a really, really, really good day as far as my health goes. I had my first of two injections of Thyrogen today. They said the most common side effect is headache, and after a couple of hours I could certainly tell why people would think they had a headache. There was a strange sort of buzzing and pressure in my head but it was nothing at all like a headache, and believe me I know what a headache is! In fact, aside from the strange goings-on in my head and an increased salivary gland I felt great! I wish I could get a shot like that every day for the rest of my life because it was wonderful to feel like I had energy again, to be alert and attentive, to not feel like I had been run over by four or five trucks full of bricks, and to not feel so tired! I am just now starting to get tired, and that was after a very long, albeit very productive day. I was able to get so much done and accomplished. It was wonderful! Both my mom and my sister said they could tell I was feeling much better when I spoke to them. It feels so great to feel so good!

Tomorrow is the second shot (I honestly can't wait) and then on Friday I take the radioactive iodine. Then, ten days after that I will have a full body scan to make sure the iodine was absorbed in all the proper spots and that no new areas show up and then I should be able to get my Synthroid dosage increased. I really would love to feel like this every day. I'll have to see what they can do. Anyway, time for bed! Be on the lookout for more Lil Pig Adventures coming soon! I have had a large amount of requests for this, so I will be sure to get some more of her adventures posted.

Blood tests are back

On Wednesday of last week I went to see my endocrinologist to find out about what the next steps for my cancer treatment would be. I was super anxious to go to this appointment because I wanted to know what I was going to have to do next, and how it was all going to happen. The first thing he said to me when he walked in the room was "So, you have the big C!" He wasn't excited, more surprised...like all the doctor's have been thus far. It made me laugh, so I tried to make a joke of it by saying "Yes! And it's everywhere!". James and I just laughed, but the doctor looked like he was experiencing a heart attack. His eyes bugged out fiercely, he started frantically shaking his hands, and I think he got a little pale. "No, no!" he said, "It's not everywhere!" Then he noticed we were laughing and so he squeaked out a little nervous giggle himself. Note to self: still too early for cancer jokes with the doctors.

At any rate, he told me that I was going to take the radioactive iodine, and as it turns out the process is much more reasonable as opposed to what it used to be. Before, they would have you quarantined in a hospital room for two to three days before sending you home to be isolated for another week after that. They would send you home with a list of instructions on what you can and can't do during the time you were radioactive. They would have you stop taking the thyroid hormone for two weeks before the treatment and put you on a strict no-iodine diet during that time as well. So, basically, it was about a month of feeling, looking, and going through crap just to kill off the cancer!

Today, instead of taking me off the thyroid hormone (Synthroid) I get to stay on it. Instead of being on a no-iodine diet, I get to eat normally. And instead of being quarantined for a week or two, I'll be isolated in my own home for about three days. No harm done, right? Right! The reason they took people off of Synthroid before was so they could get their thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels high so the radioactive iodine would be absorbed fully and be more effective. Now they can give synthetic TSH in the form of shots called thyrogen. The shots need to be ordered and take two weeks to come in. When they arrive, I'll get one shot on one day, another shot on the second day, and on the third day I go to the hospital where they will give me the liquid form of the radioactive iodine and then I go straight home and avoid contact with people for three days. And yes, those shots will be in my butt. That's always fun. I'll take the first shot on a Wednesday (whenever the shots come in), the second on a Thursday, and the radioactive iodine on a Friday and then avoid everyone for the weekend before going back to work on Monday (or Tuesday if the shots come in the week leading up to Memorial day).

After the radioactive iodine treatment I will then go in for a full body scan to make sure there isn't any iodine being taken up in other places of my body. If there is, it could mean the cancer wasn't thoroughly killed, and that it has spread to other places. If that happens I imagine I would do another round of the radioactive iodine treatment, but the doctor said we would cross that bridge when we got there. I am not too concerned about it.

Then they took my blood to test it and see where all my levels were at. My thyroglobulin levels were at 103.0 on a scale of 2.0-35.0. Yes, they are high, but that's why we are doing the radioactive iodine treatment. This should kill the remaining cancer cells and bring that back down to normal. This is also what they will be testing periodically after the treatment to ensure the cancer isn't coming back. If after the treatment my levels are down between 2.0 and 35.0 then we are good. If they start climbing after that it could mean the cancer has come back.

My TSH level is 39.78 out of 0.40-4.50. Yes, that's high too, but that's because I just had my thyroid removed. I was taking 0.100 micrograms of Synthroid, and the doctor increased it to 0.125. This will also help in reducing the TSH level to a more normal range, though he said he wanted me to be slightly hyperthyroid - meaning my TSH level will be higher than normal. This is so that my body can get a nice good supply of this hormone and make me feel better, since it has obviously been absent for quite some time.

My calcium levels were perfectly normal, so I no longer have to take 3000 mg of calcium each day. That's always a good thing! And everything else looked great. The note on the report said there was no change in our plans, so once those shots come in I'll take them and then have the radioactive iodine treatment and hopefully everything will go smoothly. There are not any side effects for the radioactive iodine, and no, I will not take any pictures of myself in the dark to see if I am glowing. I pretty much know the radioactive stuff will be coursing its way through my body, and attaching to the bad cancer cells that need to be destroyed. However, radioactive people don't glow. I even checked with James on that. :)

Ok, I'm freezing now (that happens a lot lately. I'll be bringing a sweater to work when I return so I don't get chilled) and I'm finally getting tired (that's happens a lot lately too. Curse you insomnia!) so I better go. Thanks for sticking around and reading this far. I've tried to keep my posts small but there's just too much information, so I figure it's probably better to get it all out at once instead of posting several small entries. So, thanks for hanging in there through all this stuff. One day I am bound to have a small post! :)

More Adventures of Lil Pig

Lil Pig and I have had lots of time to spend together, and this has proven to be quite entertaining. Who knew that she could be so full of energy and have such character? Here are some more pictures of the exciting things that have taken place.

I walked into the study the other day to find Lil Pig trying to climb my vanilla orchid! I had to explain to her that it is not a little tree of just the right size for her to climb as she had originally thought. She apologized and felt bad, and then I felt bad for having to reprimand her. So, I thought it would be fun to play dress up.

Lil Pig found this fantastically pink and fuzzy scarf and loved it immediately. I couldn't help but laugh! Look at how happy she is! I let her wear it all day...mostly because she wouldn't take it off.

Another day, when I was not feeling so well after having exhausted myself from doctor's visits and just all around movements, Lil Pig decided to play me a song on the piano. I was thrilled. I love listening to her play. Here she is playing "God Help The Outcasts" from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love singing this song, but due to recent circumstances I am not able to. It will be really fun to have her play and me sing once my voice is healed and back to normal. She played songs until I fell asleep. She is so thoughtful!

My mom used to collect miniature tea sets of all makes and models. After having collected them for years she decided to downsize and asked if I would like them. I love those little tea sets, so I said yes and now I have them in my apartment. She gave them to me a few months ago. One day last week, Lil Pig was just being curious and she stumbled upon the box I have them in (it is only until I can find a place to display them). She played with all of them for a very long time, but her favorite was a little pig tea set. She would set it up and then just look at it with a big grin on her face. It was sweet. We leave it out now so she can play with it when she wants to.

Today I decided to let her play Guitar Hero. What a little rockstar she is!! Here is a picture of her playing Guitar Hero I. She's playing "More Than A Feeling" on medium and she is really good! I don't know how her little arms and legs reach all the buttons when she needs to. Sometimes I think I only see a little brown blur but all the notes are being hit! It's funny!

And here is the final result after playing the song. 89% notes hit. That's pretty good. I guess you could say she's a natural on this game. I'm curious to see how she does on Dance Dance Revolution. She could play against James and we'll see who would win. That would be fun.

Lil Pig is so fun, and she wears herself out a lot. I am so glad she is part of our little family! That's all the pictures I have for now, but don't worry. I'll post more again soon. She's always doing something that warrants a picture and a blog entry!