Cancer

Cancer. The word bounces off of me, like my body is a shield and it refuses to let that word in to have any meaning or place in which to root. Even thinking about the word conjures images of lengthy treatments, sick people, loss of hair, and hopeful eyes of those affected by it. So, why am I thinking about it, then? Well, because as of last night I was told that I have thyroid cancer. But good news!! It's one of the most curable types of cancer, and my doctor says "If you had to pick a cancer this is the one to pick!". Hee hee hee. That part still cracks me up. He's a good man, my doctor. Some of you may be wondering how all this happened. Well, my friends, let me tell you.

A long time ago, in a land far, far away there was a beautiful princess who was plagued with a terrible curse. Alright, I'm just joking. I'll be serious here. :) Back in September I had a terribly awful pain in my right ear that, over the course of a few days, progressed down into my jaw and into my throat. I went to my PCP who ran tests, but couldn't find anything. She told me there was one more test she wanted done, but it was only performed in the emergency room. I went there to have a test to see if I had something called a vertebral artery dissection. They gave me some iodine and performed a CT scan of my head and neck. When it came back, the ER doctor said the test was normal. He said he couldn't find anything wrong, and aside from a small nodule in my thyroid (which I could disregard, he said) everything was fine. I thought nothing of it and went on my way. A couple of months later I had some blood tests done that showed my Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) levels were elevated. I asked what would cause that to happen and the doctor told me a few things, one of which was a nodule. That caught my attention! I remembered the test I had done a few months earlier that found a nodule on my thyroid. 

I gathered all the test results and took them to my doctor to review. From there, my doctor wanted to do an ultrasound on my thyroid to get a better look at what the nodules looked like before doing anything else. I had the ultrasound done on January 10th and was told the results would be in to my doctor in a few days. First thing Monday morning I got a call back from my PCP who said she wanted me to see an endocrinologist because I had several nodules she thought they should check out. I called the endocrinologist and got in to see him on January 24th. It was a great appointment because I was the only patient and I felt like I was getting the royal treatment. The doctor talked to me and told me he was 99% sure that I had Hashimoto's thyroiditis. This is the most common thyroid issue. He told me I would more than likely be on thyroid medicine to regulate the hormones and everything should be fine. Then he said he wanted to look at the nodules, so he had an ultrasound machine there in the office that he used to get a better look at them. He said there was one on the right side of my thyroid and two on the left side that he said he wanted to get biopsy's of since they were all larger than 1cm (and one was over 2cm). He told me it was standard procedure and the chance of them coming back as cancerous was "zero percent". I was confident that they would come back as normal, so I didn't think anything of it. By the way, the biopsy's were taken without anesthesia where they stuck a needle in my thyroid (through my neck) to get a sample of tissue from each nodule. Yeah, it stung a little while they were doing it, but afterward it hurt bad.

Well, the doctor said the results would be back in three days, and that he was going to refer me back over to my PCP to put me on medicine and there was no need to set up any other follow-up visits. I shook his hand and went on my way. Last night, on my way home from work, I got a call from him. Here's how part of the conversation went:

Dr. - "Well, we got your test results back."

me - "Well, that's good."

Dr. - "Well, it's not what I thought it would be."

me - "Well, that's not good."

Dr. - "The samples came back and they were cancerous."

me - "Ok."

Dr. - "You have thyroid cancer. But don't hit the panic button! If you had to pick a cancer, this is the one to pick. It is curable."

Then he gave me information about what happens next. Yes, thyroid cancer has a high success rate. Basically what happens now is they remove my thyroid, but I don't know when that surgery will take place. I should be hearing back from the surgeon within the next few days and we'll go from there. The doctor said, "This really is a blessing in disguise because if you wouldn't have had that CT scan done on your neck a few months ago, there's really no telling when this would have be found." So, I do thank the Lord for severe ear pain which was totally unrelated to this whole "debacle" (dk, the use of that word was just for you!)

Well, this post has turned out to be quite lengthy, and some of you may think that this truly is nothing to worry about, but this is a good outlet for me to get all the thoughts out of my head. As a friend of mine once told me, I tend to stew over things a lot, so writing them down helps to get it out of my mind and helps me to focus on the big picture. Am I nervous that I have been told I have a type of cancer? Absolutely! But I am super positive and quite sure that I will be ok and things will be fine. I'll keep you all posted. Have a good night!

A Post For the Ladies

Alright girls! It's time for me to say something. I hate clothes shopping!! And can you blame me? Clothes shopping is a nightmare! You take a look at your closet one day and think "When did I start wearing the same four shirts?" and you realize it's time to go shopping. At first you are excited about it, hopeful even, for the great sales, the new looks, and the super cute clothes. But then, as you go from store to store, you realize it's not so fun after all. And for those of you who decide to do your shopping online, the choices seem almost overwhelming. But sooner or later you notice that every style looks the same and the second you find something that is half-way decent, low and behold they don't have it in your size. You end up walking away from the computer, or out of the dressing rooms feeling discouraged, depressed, and headed straight for the nearest ice cream shop, "Low fat frozen yogurt please. Plain. Small. Thank you."

Not only is it difficult to find the cute styles and sizes that would look most flattering on you, the sneaky clothes designers always try to throw a "new style" in the mix to throw you off. When you come across these finds you have to stop and take in the horrendous piece of material that you have just come across. The shock factor is high and we honestly get dizzy from shaking our heads in disbelief. Now, I think trying to shop for larger sized clothing is freakin' ridiculous. I am always embarrassed for large ladies who decide that the following articles of "clothing" are amazing, hip, and a must have for their wardrobes. Bear with me ladies. It's about to get ugly:

These pretty little things are a rare find indeed, yet the site listed them as "in stock". Yes, ladies, these leggings are a bold color choice of metallic silver. Not only will they hug every curve, bump, and abnormality on your legs, but you can also wear these to work! Pair them with a shiny black tunic and some low heels for the perfect day look.

When I was in Alaska on my honeymoon, James and I had the joy and pleasure of seeing the Portage glacier and it looked just like this shirt. You too can look like a glacier from Alaska in this treasure. I understand the idea behind it...but why? WHY?

This last gem apparently comes from the same line of clothes the other two came from. Maybe it's the metallic theme that is throwing me off, but whoever designed this should be kicked out of the fashion industry all together! The thing you have to keep in mind is that this lovely vest/shrug/shirt is specifically designed for larger women. Who, in their right mind, would wear something like this out in public?

It astounds me that women will purchase these pieces of clothing and think everything is fine and all is well. But I assure you this is not the case!! No self-respecting woman would degrade herself in such a manner!!

Ladies, let's take back the clothing stores! Throw back the horrid garments they are insisting are today's hottest trends, and dress in a manner that shows both confidence and good taste!! Do I hear the word "REVOLUTION"?!?!?  

"Your Rankings Have Been Changed"

Yesterday was a tough day for me, and I didn't get home until late...which is when I typed up my other post. Anyway, after I got home I checked my email and saw I had an email from Facebook that said my rankings had been changed. I looked at it and realized it was pretty depressing, but now that I am doing better today I looked at it again and I just had to laugh. I know these email notifications are set up through Facebook and I can adjust them to my own personal preference, but I just thought it was a sad sort of email to come home to last night. Here is what it said:

"Crystal, your rankings have been changed. Changes in your ranks:
#4 best room-mate (lost 1 place)
#6 kindest (lost 1 place)
#10 nicest (lost 1 place)
#11 best singer (lost 2 places)
#11 most famous (lost 1 place)"

What a morale booster!!! Apparently amongst all my Facebook friends that I was compared with I'm only the 6th kindest, the 10th nicest, and the 4th best roommate. I used to be much higher in these comparisons. Go figure. At any rate, it was a sad email to come home to. It kind of confirmed the way I felt about myself. They should have just made the title of the email something like "Yes. We have confirmed you are a loser." or "Crystal, you really do suck! And here's the numbers to prove it." At least then I wouldn't be curious to open them up. I think I'll go change my Facebook settings. I don't want to know how many places I lost next time around.

A Tough Life

I know most of you are probably thinking this post can't possibly have anything to do with me since my life just can't possibly be that tough. But truly it is. See, I have learned something recently. I have learned that I used to think that a "tough life" was one that had a lot of emotional, physical, or mental scaring; that it had more to do with the horrible events that must have transpired in one's life in which to make it tough; that it was filled with heart-wrenching decisions that had to be made where no answer is easy, or the best choice, or the right choice. I have learned that a tough life is in the eye of the beholder. It is so easy for us to see someone else's life and think they have it so good. We think how great it would be to have the big house and all the money, but do we think about how lonely or sad someone really is? We think about the rich, the spoiled, the famous, the one's who have what appear to be an easy life, and we think that our own lives would be that much better if we had what they had; that we would do it all differently. But how many of us think that about our own lives? How many times do we think about stuff we have done in the past that we desperately wish we could take back, or do over, or never do at all? How often do we think about the choices we have to make in difficult situations only to think about how it would be if we would have chosen a different path?

I've learned that every life is hard and every person has challenges they have to face and struggle to get over. I once told James that my life was so hard. He kind of looked at me disbelieving, so I clarified by saying "It is so hard for me. My life is tough." Some of you may think that is not true because I always seem so happy and ready to tell a joke or a story or cheer someone up. Where I do pride myself on being able to do those things, I would just like to state for the record that I have a pretty tough life full of really difficult days, where I can rake myself over the coals pretty good. My dad always said, "You are your worst critic." and I unfortunately know that all too well. I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone should realize that not everyone else has it easier than you and what may look like a simple life is really not. And if you know people who make life look so easy and wonderful, just try to imagine what they must have to go through each day to keep that up. Just give everyone a chance and the benefit of the doubt and you will be surprised at the things you learn. Have a good night, everyone.

"Brown" labels

For those of you who don't know me very well, I grew up in the High Desert of Southern California in a place called Apple Valley. Don't get excited. It sounds prettier than it is. No apples, no valley, just dirt. It was a hot climate in a hot and crowded state, but it's where I grew up and had many memories. I don't know why, but today I was thinking about the stores where I grew up and two things came to my mind. The first store I thought of was Safeway. When I was a kid they only had one Safeway store in the city, and after a financial struggle they ended up closing the store. I guess it just wasn't cut out for the high desert. I remember we used to purchase a few items there, one of which was a bottle of rubbing alcohol. A few years later my family was doing some deep cleaning of the house and my sister and I came across that very bottle. We kept pushing it back and forth to each other, touching it with towels, sticks, whatever we could so we wouldn't get cooties from it because it was so old! No one wanted to touch the alcohol bottle from Safeway. I mean, that store didn't even EXIST anymore!! Gross! We passed it around enough to where my mom got fed up with our little game and made one of us take it out to the garbage. I don't remember who ultimately had to touch it, but I remember that day. When I came to Colorado and saw the Safeway stores so prominent, I started giggling like a little kid and remembered the rubbing alcohol from long ago. It was funny.

Another store I remember was Stater Brothers. Now, you California readers will have to let me know if that store is still around. This was 12 years ago, so anything could have happened to that store by now. I remember my dad or mom would go shopping and pick a few of the kids to go with them. Oh, don't worry. It wasn't really a treat. We were there to help organize the food in the cart, to walk behind our parents with our arms folded, and not touch anything. Then we were to help arrange the food in the car so we could take it into the house after we got home. Looking back t it now, it's funny to think of my parents with three or four little kids folding their arms and walking behind them single file through the aisles of the store. I remember going to Stater Brothers and seeing the generic brands of food. They had a light brown label with the name of the food stamped on the product. My family affectionately called it the "brown label" food. It was so funny to see! You'd walk down the aisle and see brown cans of "CORN" or "BEANS" or "TOMATO SAUCE". I remember thinking that they weren't really creative in their marketing. I googled the brown label to post a picture on here so you could get the full effect of what I was talking about, but they didn't have anything! If anyone has a picture of the brown label, you have to send it to me. It would be awesome. Anyway, my sister and I would always make fun of the label with other things. We would draw pictures of cars, then color them in brown and write the word "CAR" on the side. We would do the same for houses, and even pets. It was the funniest thing in the world to us. 

My sister and I had some good times at that store too. I remember one day, during finals week, we ditched our first class. Back then (I don't know if they still do this now or not) they would have two classes a day for finals week. So, my sister and I ditched our first class and went to Stater Bros. We had just enough money between us to purchase a package of double stuffed oreos, a cranapple juice for her and a cranberry juice for me. We sat on a bench in front of a store right next to Stater Bros. called "CigMart" that claimed it opened every day at 8:00 AM. It was shortly before 8 in the morning and my sister and I were taking guesses as to when we thought the store would actually open. We sat there eating oreos and drinking our juices when 10 seconds before 8:00 AM someone came to the front door of the store, unlocked it, turned on all the lights, flipped the sign over and propped open the door. My sister and I just busted out laughing. We spent the next two hours just talking and talking about everything and anything. It was one of the best days of my life, and one that we both still talk about today.

I think about the generic labels for store products now and they are so much more flashier. When did we as people feel the need to be entertained by even the "brown" labels of stores? It all seems to have gone wrong somewhere. It's just a can of food, or a box of aluminum foil, for the love of Pete. Sometimes, I miss the brown labels from my childhood. What about you?

It's no surprise I love music

I love music! It's not uncommon to find me either singing, whistling, or humming something throughout the day. It is fairly easy for me to come up with a song from a simple sentence, word, or even emotion and then share it with everyone around me. Sometimes people like that and sometimes they don't. I like to think of what the soundtrack of my life would be like. I go through the events of the day in my head and try to think about what songs I would put in the background for that particular moment. It's really fun. Some days, the soundtrack of my life would be rather melancholy and other days it would be so upbeat it would be crazy! There would be a slew of artists, both contemporary and classic, and everyone would say that is was the most eclectic soundtrack they have ever heard and they just HAVE to get it. :)

Right now I am in the mood for some upbeat music. Something that makes you tap your feet, bang the dashboard, and sing at the top of your lungs. I am listening to U2 right now - a fantastic band! Anytime one of their songs come on the radio I am immediately moved to crank up the volume, roll the windows down and drive down a long stretch of road until the song is done. I am not in my car at this moment. I am at home. In the study. Typing up this blog as I listen to U2 over the computer. I am the only one home (James is at work) but I have headphones on and I am singing the song "In The Name of Love" at the top of my lungs. I have no idea if I am even on tune, as I have a tendency to sing harmony more often than not. But I don't care! The music is probably turned up way higher than is healthy and I'll probably go deaf (if I'm not already going deaf). But again, I don't care. Sometimes you just need to move to the music and let it move you where it may, and listening to the music softly is not an option right now. I simply have to listen to it loud today!

Now, ask me tomorrow, or even later on today for that matter, and you'll get a whole other story. I may not be in the mood to listen to something loud and upbeat. I may be focused on a project, so something soft without words would suffice. Classical music, instrumental, soundtracks would all work well. Or, I may be doing something that is already hectic and crazy anyway so adding music would just frustrate me. It all depends on how I am feeling and what I am doing. 

The point for this entry is that we should all pay more attention to what we listen to and the times we listen to it at. We shouldn't try to deny our souls the desire to get up and dance, sing, clap...whatever! We should listen to that deep piece of us that is so often and easily lost. And every once in a while we should let it go crazy. I recommend Jimmy Eat World's "In The Middle" or The All American Rejects' "Dirty Little Secret" or "Move Along" for those times. Happy singing, whistling, humming, dancing, clapping, music playing, or whatever it is you do!