Good News!

Have no fear my fellow bloggers! I have just received a job offer and I begin work on Monday. I could not be more excited about this opportunity because it is doing something I like at a place I enjoy! Thanks for all those who provided support to me in my time of need. You have no idea how much it lifted me up and encouraged me. It is always nice to know there are those who are willing to be there when things get tough. THANK YOU! :) More to follow at a later date. :)

What is going on?

I just don't get it. I have not had success in finding a new job and this has caused much concern for me. I've never had this type of trouble before. I have been working in the corporate world for the last thirteen years and have never had a problem finding a position. I communicate well, I am a team player, I know how to work a computer and most software applications, I am a quick learner, super positive, fast typist, extremely organized, and I am all about the customer. So what is going on? All of the sudden I feel like I am back in grade school trying to figure out why no one wants to be my friend. I've begun to question my skills, my knowledge, and my experiences. I've begun to doubt my own abilities and that, in case none of you have ever been in a similar position, is so disheartening. So now I am in a position where I don't know what I want to do, where I am not sure what area I want to go into, or what I want to do with my life. How can that be? These last six weeks have been full of ups and downs and sometimes I don't even know which way I am facing.

I saw a preview for a new show coming on tv and the part I saw kind of made me mad. It was a lady who was totally freaking out because of her debts and the bills she had that were outstanding. She was talking to her mom about it and her mom said, "Try not to worry about the bills. Here's a biscuit for you." Every time I see it I get angry because how on earth is that lady supposed to NOT worry about the bills? She has people all over her trying to collect what is due and she is struggling to make ends meet (though I am a little skeptical because she has a freakin' show on tv, for the love of Pete! I'm tempted to question how bad off she really is) and here is her mom telling her to not worry about them. Well, I am here to tell everyone that you can't just ignore certain problems and situations in your life. True, you probably shouldn't focus on them every single day because that would stress you out to the breaking point. But you do have to formulate some sort of plan on how best to take care of whatever situation you may be in at that time. I know what you are thinking. You're thinking that if you focus on your problems all the time it will drive you crazy. And to that point I agree. However, how are you supposed to make things better by just eating a freakin' biscuit, or watching a movie, or listening to music? Where is the plan of action? And the backup plan after that if things still aren't working out? And what do you do when everything has fallen through and you honestly have no more ideas?

Now, for those of you who are tempted to comment and say something about how I should trust in God and He will provide, or how I should turn all my worries over to Him and not think about them anymore, I say I have already done that. And for those of you who are tempted to further comment that perhaps I just don't trust that He will provide a way, I say I do trust Him and I know He will provide a way. I have a few things to say. I have turned many of my worries over to Him with complete faith that He would hear me and help me so that I am stronger and able to handle those stresses I have, because I don't think He will take these sort of troubles "away" just because. Even the people of Alma who were in bondage and were not allowed to pray out loud had worries. They prayed silently instead and continued to ask the Lord for help. But the Lord did not take their burdens away. He made it so that they were stronger and that their burdens were "made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15 from the Book of Mormon). I have been strengthened in some of those things I have turned over to Him. The other things may end up taking a little longer...I've never been much of a patient person. I do pray every day that something will open up and I will be able to get a decent job at a company I enjoy, doing work that I am excited about it. I just don't think that position is ready yet, hence the whole meaning behind this post.

My point is, even when you have turned everything over to God and done your best to get through yet another day of disappointments without crying I firmly believe there are just times when you have to vent and get it all out of your system so your eyes are clear and your head is not stuffed with negative thoughts. It's so you CAN keep trusting in Him, keep going forward, and not be depressed about how everything just...well, just sucks. For me, that day is today. Thanks for hearing me out on this.

I have nothing new to say really

I think people who have kids have a lot more interesting things to write about, and even though they may not write everyday, when they do have time to update the blog it is always with some interesting story. I don't really have that. So I apologize if my blog is boring. I can update you on what has happened in the past month and give myself a chance to get this all out of my head so I don't "stew" over it every single day.

About a month ago I lost my job. I really don't want to go into details, but suffice it to say it was due to medical reasons. Since then I have spent literally every day looking for another job. This has proved to be very difficult indeed, and James and I are beginning to think that perhaps I am meant to be home at this time. I think I have applied to at least twenty different full-time jobs and even more part-time jobs. However, no one...and I mean no one, has called me back for any kind of interview or anything. I call to check the status of the jobs I applied for and they tell me I don't have three years experience in a library setting, or I don't have any experience in the print industry or whatever other reason they tell me. This, as any of you who may have been in this same situation, can prove to be very frustrating.

My day starts when I get up around 8:30. This is also the same time that James leaves in the morning, so even though he doesn't know it he is my alarm clock. :) After I have woken up a bit I go into the study and jump on the computer. I check my phone to see if anyone has called and left any messages, and then I check my email to see if anyone has replied. After that I begin to scour the web for new job listings. I check Careerbuilder, Indeed, the City of Longmont, the Longmont newpaper, Monster, tentilltwo.com (a part time job website), the local school district, Jobing, and a few other job sites I have found along the way. I apply to the jobs that I think I would be able to do, and even some that would stretch me a bit, complete with a resume and a different cover letter for each position. Then I follow up with the jobs I have applied to in the previous weeks and check my email again. Once that process has been done I usually log onto school and do some homework and then realize that it's about 3:30 and I haven't eaten all day so I go and grab a quick bite and straighten up a bit before James gets home. I try to make dinner for him, but sometimes since I eat late I don't feel hungry and don't even think about making dinner. He has to remind me and I am doing better about trying to eat at a normal time so we can eat together in the evening. Once James gets home I may try to do a bit more homework, but after being on the computer all day I usually go and watch TV or read a book. Actually, I end up helping James with his homework. He's getting his second Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design and I'm jealous because he gets to do fun homework like painting and taking pictures, whereas I have to write eight-page papers on the Ethics of an Organization, or Strategic Objectives.

I'm extremely grateful that James is working because that would be too difficult, I think. So I am counting my blessings. On the good side I have been able to stay out of the heat and the sun and so my arms and hands have not broken out. This is always a good thing since the prescription medicine I use to get rid of these breakouts thins my skin. So I try to limit the use of it as much as I can and that involves staying out of the sun. No problem for me. I hate the heat and the sun probably just as much as it hates me. Also, my migraines have decreased thanks in part to the quiet environment I am in now (my home). And when I do get one I don't have to stress about it because I am home and can take care of it here. My apartment is conducive to overcoming my migraines. It is cold, dark, and quiet. I can lie down and hopefully get rid of the pain and I don't have to worry about anything. There are blessings in this little trial of mine, and I do see them. It's funny...I told James the other day that half of me feels bad for not having a job and not getting any calls back, and the other half of me feels bad for not feeling bad about not having a job! Does that even make sense? Well, I have no doubts that Heavenly Father is mindful of James and I and I know He knows our situation. I know I am in His hands, and perhaps that's why I don't feel bad for not having a job. It's not like I am not trying to find something because I truly am. But I also like being home. I feel better here. Anyway, that is my update. I bet you wish I had kids so I could tell you some fun story or something. I'll see what kind of a story I can come up with next time. :)