"How are you feeling?"

I've come to not really like that question these days as I have not been feeling well at all. And I find that if it isn't one thing it's another, and just as I start to feel a small bit like my old self again, I find I am struck down once more by something new. For instance, the last couple of weeks I have had unbelievably painful migraines practically every day. After speaking to my doctors we found it was due to a sensitivity of the food dye on the medicine I take each day for my thyroid. As a result I had to go from taking one pill a day to three and a half pills a day, but at least I am no longer suffering from the daily horrific migraines. But just as I start to get over that I get something else. My left eye has become really red on the inside and nothing I do seems to make it any better. And some days I feel like I have been struck by lightening with sporadic painful misfiring of the nerves all over my body, and others I feel like I have been stoned... in the biblical sense, not the drugged kind. So when people start to ask me how I am feeling I am torn between saying something vague like "Oh, I'm hanging in there" or going into some real detail such as "Well, if you have about twenty minutes I can tell you how I am really feeling today only to have it all change four hours from now when I could be doing much better or much worse".

Having thyroid cancer sucks.

Mean People

I'm getting tired. Tired of people who say and do really mean things with no thought or care or concern for anyone else. These people are so hung up on their own fears and insecurities that it is projected outward in the comments they make to, and about, others. It frustrates me most of the time, and I do my best to just vent my own opinions of those certain individuals to my husband, knowing that he will listen to me with an open mind and an open heart, and more often than not, he'll agree with what I am saying, which only serves to validate my frustrations even more.

However, the people I am most frustrated with are people that I actually know who verbally make such comments with no thought about how it sounds, or makes other people feel. My biggest pet peeve are those people I know who project their fears onto their children. I think it is a fine thing to expect the best from their children, to hope and pray they turn out well and achieve a high level of success or accomplish whatever it is that their parents weren't able to accomplish. Listen, I'm right there with you. If I had children I would want them to do everything they could, to be the best they could be, and to know they are loved no matter what. But just because I am afraid of drowning doesn't mean that I am going to keep my kids away from the water. It's not just about the physical fears, but also the completely irrational fears that bug me the most.

I know of a couple people who are afraid their children are going to grow up and be ugly. What kind of a fear is that? How are you teaching your children about self esteem and self worth when you tell everyone and their mom how your kids were ugly as babies but hope they'll grow out of it? That's awful! I know of some other people who are deathly afraid their children will grow up and be obese. How are you teaching your children about healthy eating habits and exercise when they hear over and over again about how chubby they are, or how "thick" their arms and legs are? Can you imagine how they must feel when you say those things to their face and behind their back?

I have news for you parents out there who are hoping your children will grow up big and strong and perfect. Don't say things behind their backs, or things to other people that they might overhear because it will crush them, you hear me? CRUSH them. No wonder society today has such a problem with people having even a shred of self esteem or self confidence. What if the child grows up and is not a super model? What if the child has some sort of disease or growth defect that prevents them from having the perfect nose, or the sculpted cheek bones? What are you going to do then, write them off? Are they going to grow up thinking the only way their parents will think they are beautiful is if they have cosmetic surgery? And what about the child who grows up and is overweight, despite their best efforts? What if they have a disease that prevents them from losing weight? What if, no matter what they do, they just can't get down to that coveted size 2 that mom and dad would love? Are they going to grow up thinking the only way they can be thin is to make themselves sick, or starve themselves to lose weight?

It just angers me that irrational fears are projected on the future leaders of our world. The young, bright minds and bodies and spirits have enough trouble in the world to overcome. They shouldn't be weighed down even more by things their parents are most afraid of. Sometimes, there are just mean people in the world and I feel sorry for their kids.

Brett's Lying Tongue

Most people who know me know that I was a big Brett Favre fan..."was" being the operative word. I used to cheer at the mere mention of his name at anytime during the year. That was back when he was still playing football for the love of the game, and honestly leading his team in unity and teamwork. Now, the tables have turned and one of my favorite people have really let me down. I'm so disgusted with the way he flaunts his "celebrity" status around to get whatever he wants. You want a true story of revenge? Follow any of the recent news stories about this man and you'll see what I mean. He is only out to seek revenge on the Green Bay Packers for signing Aaron Rodgers and not him. I found this really great article from Mark Kriegel at FOXSports.com about Brett and his lies. Well said, Mark. Well said.

http://www.comcast.net/articles/sports-nfl/20090819/Kriegel.Vick/

"Three is a magical number"

Today was a really weird day at work. My morning was really productive, and I was in a pretty good mood, but my boss wasn't so much, a couple of people were out, and so it kind of made for a stressful morning. It also didn't help much that I had to run to a doctor's appointment over my lunch break. My boss had asked me to remind her about it in the morning, and when I did she kind of got frustrated. I didn't know what to do so I ended up just looking at her while she kind of had a little fit and then she realized that I was still standing there looking at her, so she stopped. I know it had nothing to do with me, per se, I was just the last straw apparently. No harm done, really, but I honestly tried to race back from my doctor's appointment to get back to work. Then I had a really productive afternoon, and now I am tired. :) Such is the way my days usually end up...except not the boss being upset bit. :)

However, today is James' and my three year wedding anniversary and I couldn't be happier about that. He is the butter to my toast and the breath to my life. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He makes me laugh every day, makes me feel better about myself, and loves me unconditionally. I love every piece of him and I can't imagine not being married to such a wonderful man. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and every day I wake up wondering what I did to deserve to not only know someone like him, but to be married to him. I love him with all my heart and soul and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.

Alice in Wonderland

Ever since I was a little girl I loved the story of Alice in Wonderland and watched the movie often. Disney's version was the best, I thought. I enjoyed the story line, and often believed myself to be just like Alice. As I grew older, my love for the story of Alice in Wonderland remained the same. I thought Lewis Caroll was a brilliant writer and I often wondered how he was able to create such a fantastic topsy-turvey world with such amazing characters. Lewis Caroll was also from a large family, seven (7) girls and four (4) boys in total. I am also from a large family with seven (7) boys and four (4) girls. Coincidence? Perhaps.

It wasn't until I was much older that I gained an even greater fondness for this man. In the summer of 1999 I began to get migraine headaches. Unfortunately I still have them today and they are, if I do say so myself, quite painful. There are times when I have them that I am not able to make sense of anything. I can relate to Lewis Caroll in this instance because he too, suffered from migraines and wrote Alice in Wonderland during his migraine episodes. It has also been said that he suffered from epilepsy. Either way, I am sure it was not a good experience to go through, so the fact that he was able to create these amazing stories is even more impressive.

The story of Alice in Wonderland has been told over and over again. About a year ago I came across some books in the library that promised to be just like the Alice in Wonderland story, but with a twist. The trilogy, called The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor, is based loosely on Lewis Caroll's original creation of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. The story claims that those two books are nothing but lies and that this is the true story. It features twists on the original story, such as the white rabbit actually being Alyss's (spelled differently in this book) tutor, Bibwit Harte, and that the Mad Hatter is actually a very agile, sober bodyguard named Hatter Madigan. There are three books in the series so far; The Looking Glass Wars, Seeing Red, and Hatter Madigan. Hatter is my favorite in this set of books. I love how authors can take a timeless tale and put a spin on it that you never saw coming. You can start the book with one viewpoint of your favorite, beloved characters, and end up with a completely different one by the time you finish. Great books. I highly recommend them.

So imagine my sheer excitement at having little teasers of the newest creation by Tim Burton. Disney has been working with Tim Burton on a new version of Alice in Wonderland coming in March of 2010 in 3D. This, my friends, looks like an amazing movie. I can't hardly wait. The imagery alone is breathtaking, and the characters as well. They recruited such actors as: 

Mia Wasikowska as Alice

Anne Hathaway as the White Queen

Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen

Matt Lucas as Tweedledee and Tweedledum

And yes, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter

The images look amazing and the story, I am sure, will be as well. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the movie so far: 

The White Rabbit and his garden

Tweedledee and Tweedledum at the gate

Alice and the flowers

And now at long last we have a trailer. Enjoy!

Alice In Wonderland Official Trailer Tim Burton - The best video clips are here

Playing Around

James is back in school now and has an assignment he has to do using the webcam. We weren't quite sure how it worked, so we took the opportunity to play around with it last night. Here are the results of our playing.

I am a mad scientist!! (you may want to turn the sound down a bit)

I am a weird wicked witch!! (you may want to turn the sound down a bit)

I am so sad! (Listen to what James says, and you may want to turn the sound down a bit).

Doctors Appointments Can Be Fun

Every time I go to my doctors (yes, plural...I have a few I go see every three months now and a couple more thrown in just for good luck) I try to have fun with them and make them laugh. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Like the time I went to my neurologist and they have you do that walking test to see if you are off balance. They make you walk across the room and then back a couple times to get a general sense of how you are. The doctor asked me to do this and I started limping across the room, then spun around really fast and almost fell down. You should have seen the doctor's face. It was awesome. I started to laugh, then he realized what I was doing and laughed as well. That was funny.

Or the time my primary care doctor had pushed around my knee and asked me if it hurt. I said a little and she said she was going to push on my other knee and to tell her when it started to hurt. She barely placed her finger on my skin when I immediately started yelping, loud. She jumped up about a foot off the floor because I startled her, but then I started laughing. She laughed too, and within a few minutes we were both crying from laughing so hard. That was funny too.

Or the visit after my surgery where it was truly confirmed that I had cancer. The doctor said "So you've got the big 'C' huh?" to which I exclaimed "Yes. And it's ALL OVER MY BODY!!". His eyes bulged and it looked like he was having a heart attack. Ok, he didn't think that was funny, but I sure did.

Today was no exception. I had two separate doctors appointments today and I tried to make each one of them laugh. By now, these doctors know my sense of humor and they try to prepare themselves for whatever little joke I am going to play on them. This time, however, it was my turn to be teased. One of my doctors was explaining how on a previous blood test it showed that my thyroid antibodies were pretty much non-existent. At that time they were listed at less than 20.0, which is good. I kept looking at the test result and trying to figure out how he could tell that. Finally I asked him how he knew that, and he started to smile a mischievous smile. That should have been my clue. He said "Do you remember math?" (I just cracked up thinking about that right then). What kind of a question is that, I thought. Do I remember math? I looked at him blankly. He said "Remember in grade school when they should have taught you about the greater than and less than sign? That's how I know. That little symbol right there? That's a less than sign." To which he then started to laugh. Once I recovered from the shock I started to laugh too...hard. I said "You would think I should remember that, huh? But I don't. I can never figure out which way that stupid crocodile wants to face!" For those of you reading this who have no idea what I'm talking about, when they taught us about the greater than and less than signs they taught us about a crocodile who is hungry and always goes for the bigger number, hence the bigger mouth for either this <>. Anyway, it was funny.

So yes, my doctors appointments went well today. I had more blood tests taken, a thorough review of my chart and explanation of test results, and a detailed explanation of what is going to happen in the next three months for my next round of tests. It is a safe bet that my medication dosage is going to be increased, but to what level we don't know yet. He'll figure out what that is going to be once he gets my blood tests back which should be in a couple of days. After that I will be able to start taking the new dosage and HOPEFULLY start feeling better. Then in three months the real fun begins. More tests, followed by some more shots, followed by even more tests, and...oh yes, even more tests. All I'll want for Christmas this year are test results to come back quickly, and come back clean! Woo-hoo!!