Getting Back Into The Swing of Things

Life lately has been a little slow, mainly because I am still recovering from surgery. Can you believe it's been two weeks since the surgery already? I can't either. For the most part, it has gone by fast, but there are a few days that I can recall that seemed to drag. I am really grateful that my neck is healing more and more each day. I still tire easily, but I am only two weeks out from the surgery and I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll more than likely be tired for the rest of my life. That's alright. I can sleep when I die. Although, I don't think I'll want to...I might not even need to. Who knows?

Anyway, today is a great day because it's finally October!!! Woo-hoo!! These next three months of the year are my absolute favorite time. The summer is winding down. Days are getting cooler. The leaves change to the most brilliant colors I've ever seen in nature. Pumpkin is abundant. Fireplaces light up and the smell of firewood burning infuses the air. I love all things about this season. I have a freezer full of homemade pumpkin puree that is just begging me to make something. Perhaps I'll make this, or some of these, or maybe even this.

On Saturday, James and I went to a local farmers market. I was feeling well enough to want to walk around and I really wanted to get some homegrown tomatoes, since ours didn't turn out so well. So we went on a little outing and had a really fun time. We ended up getting a case of tomatoes and decided that we would can some diced tomatoes. It would be our first time ever canning tomatoes, and we were pretty excited about it. Monday comes and we start getting everything ready for the tomatoes to can. It was a lot of work! James was out bringing in the last items from our garden. We have a whole table full of parsley, sage, and basil that we are going to dry and use throughout the winter. It's fun to see all those herbs, but I also know that I have to dry them all today. My house is going to smell amazing. Anyway, while James was getting the items from the garden I was prepping all the tomatoes. I washed, peeled, diced, and stuffed the jars full and then James canned them for me. His was the easy part. We ended up with 16 pints of diced tomatoes. Not bad. Not bad at all. We also saw pumpkins at the farmers market so we plan to go back towards the end of the month and get some homegrown pumpkins to carve for Halloween this year.

We usually like to decorate for Halloween on the first day of October. James has to work today and I'm just exhausted from all the tomatoes yesterday, so we are planning on decorating this weekend. I am so excited about it. I'll be sure to post pictures of our Halloween decorations after we are done. Have a great day everyone!

Before and After

Hello again everyone! I finally feel like I am back from the land of the ill. Well, somewhat at least. This whole surgery has been quite the experience, and I find I am very grateful that I am now in the healing stages of it. I can hardly believe that it was just over a week ago that I went in to have a bilateral neck dissection. I can also hardly believe that things are healing so well and I'm feeling so much better. Today I'm tired, but I had a pretty busy day yesterday so it was to be expected.

The surgery went well. No complications and no nausea (thank you very much modern medicine!). The nursing staff at the hospital were nothing short of angels. I'm not joking or exaggerating that at all. These lovely women and men were so kind and compassionate, so understanding and caring that I was not prepared to become so attached to them. I plan on making a visit to them once I am able to go out on my own again. They were amazing, and the hospital was astounding.

I just love my doctor. I can honestly say I am a repeat customer, since he did my first surgery (thyroidectomy) four years ago. Dr. Andrew Nemechek is one of the best doctors I have ever been able to work with. He is so fun and really gets to know his patients. He is firm and confident in his medical knowledge and care of patients, and he is kind and supportive and really enjoys people. I can't say enough nice things about him and would highly recommend him to anyone who may need a head and neck surgeon in the Denver metro area.

I had a hard time in the hospital because my tail bone hurt so bad. I couldn't really lay on my side at all, so for about six days I slept on my back. Anyone who has been to the hospital knows that the beds and chairs are not the most comfortable places to try and rest, nor are we as people meant to lie around for six days. By the time Sunday rolled around I was anxious to go home. I was released on Sunday morning and slept most of the day when I got home.

My husband is so wonderful to me. He has taken care of me so well, so beyond what I ever expected, that it moves me to think about it. You never know truly how much people love you until they serve you in the most vulnerable ways. He helps me bathe, consistently puts medicine on my wound, fills my ice bags, rubs lotion on my arms and legs, helps me move, lifts and supports my head and neck, makes me breakfast and lunch and dinner, goes to the store to get me things I need for the healing process, ties my hair back, and practically waits on me hand and foot yet he still goes to work each day, and does everything in the house that needs to be done that I am not able to help with yet. Never once has he complained. Never once has he said he just needed to rest. Never once did he not help me with something I needed, and even does things for me I don't need. I've told him "thank you" a million times, and "I love you" a million more. He has told me that he loves me more because of this experience, and I have told him the same thing. My husband means everything to me, and he makes my whole world happy.

I received lots of visitors at the hospital, for which I am very grateful. Thank you to everyone who came to see me. You have no idea how much you uplifted me at the exact moment I needed it. I love you all and appreciate you taking the time to come visit me! :)

Now, on to some pictures. This is the part where I have to warn you that some people may find these pictures a bit graphic. There isn't any blood or nasty stuff, but I just have to put the warning out there.

 

In the hospital. This is the right side of my neck. The incision starts just below my ear.

This is the middle of my neck. The scar goes all the way around to just below my left ear.

 

This is at home. They took half the staples out when I left the hospital. I had two drains in as well, but they removed one on Friday or Saturday and the other right before I was discharged on Sunday. This is the right side of my neck.

 

Middle of my neck. That goopy looking stuff is called Bacitracin. It's like Neosporin and helps the wound to heal.

 

The left side of my neck. You can see where one of the drain holes used to be, and I'm a little bruised. This side was not as involved as the right side was.

 

I'm still smiling! Or at least trying to. I am still numb in places on my face, and may be permanently numb in the area just below my chin due to the nerves that were cut.

 

I have two ice bags on my neck. That's my sanctuary.

 

All the staples were taken out and this is the right side of my neck. You can see the drain hole from this side just below the top of the scar.

 

Middle of my neck. I think it's cool that you can see where the staples were.

 

Left side of my neck.

  

Everything is healing nicely and I'm just trying to give my body the time it needs to heal. I hope this is all the surgery I have to do. They ended up removing 59 lymph nodes and only finding cancer in 8 or 9 of them, so getting the surgery done now was definitely the way to go since it hadn't spread very far. The ultrasounds only showed three lymph nodes that were cancerous, so if we just would have gone in and taken out those three lymph nodes we would have had to go back some time later and had more surgery to remove the ones that were still in there we couldn't see. Hopefully I can be declared cancer free in a little while and move on to bigger and better things. I hope everyone is doing well and happy. Take care!

So Much Time and So Little To Do

Strike that. Reverse it. There is so little time and so much to do before the surgery. I find myself asking my husband the most random questions out of the blue that have nothing to do with the conversation we are having at that moment. It's both funny and embarrassing. I keep having the airport scene from "Sleepless in Seattle" running through my head where Sam (the main character) is speaking to Jonah (his son) about the woman he is dating. He says: "She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use a barrette to keep her hair out of her face? These are things I'm willing to get to the bottom of. And that is why I am dating her." Search the airport scene from the movie on YouTube and you'll see what I am talking about.

I have so many questions going through my mind about the surgery and hospital stay, such as, will there be wi-fi in the hospital room? Should I bring an extra pillow? Will I be able to wash my hair while I'm there? Am I going to be sharing a room with someone? I think as a standard rule, anyone who has just had surgery should always have their own room. The last thing I need is to hear someone getting sick on the other side of the room. No. Thank. You.

See what I mean? Totally random.

This surgery is hitting me really hard. I don't know why I am so anxious and nervous about this. The first surgery was fine. Yes, I was extremely nervous and somewhat anxious, but I guess I didn't know what I was going in to. That's one of the things I have been wrestling with these past few weeks. I honestly don't know what is worse: knowing what to expect, or not knowing what to expect. I sort of know what to expect with this surgery, but there is still so much more I don't know what to expect. I can only hope this week goes by fast.

I went to my pre-admissions appointment yesterday and I'll admit I was hoping they would find something that would cause them to postpone the surgery. They didn't. Everything looks great. No worries or concerns whatsoever. Curses. While I was there one of the nurses told me that they usually have people stay in the hospital for three days, not including the day of the surgery. I guess I won't be going home until Friday or so. Maybe things will go smoother than expected and I will be able to go home earlier. Maybe I'll heal quicker and will be blessed to not have any complications and will be able to go home quicker than others. Maybe.

I read a quote the other day that really struck me and my current situation. I'll end with it and leave you to ponder it for yourself:

"Enduring well is clearly an essential part of mortality's planned refining process. Refining requires heat. Refining also requires time. Furthermore, if whatever constitutes 'it' is to be endured well, refining also requires of its recipients a genuine and continuing confidence in the Refiner." - Neal A. Maxwell

Hope Amidst The Storms

I think this is the second time that I've brought this blog back to life. I'm sorry, readers or viewers of my blog, that I have not been more consistent with posting here. I've been feeling lately like I need to begin blogging again, and I don't think that prompting could have come at a better time.

When last we met I was discussing New Year's resolutions and musing about what life had in store for me and what I wanted to improve upon. You'll be happy to know that I was successful in my goal setting last year and I obtained what I set out to do, with some pretty great results that even I wasn't expecting. It's always nice to achieve something and have it turn out better than you could have imagined.

My life has changed quite dramatically as of late. Through many tests and doctor's visits they have been able to find the thyroid cancer again. They performed a biopsy on three separate lymph nodes in my neck and they all came back as cancerous. Now I will be going in to have another surgery; a bilateral neck dissection. I'm not looking forward to this procedure because it's much bigger than the first one I had about four and a half years ago and will require a more lengthy surgery, more time in the hospital, and a much bigger scar. Much bigger. I'll keep you all updated on this event and the healing.

I wish I could say that was the only major event happening in our lives lately, but that's not the case. You know the phrase, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane. Everything is falling apart all around me and I truly cannot see how or when this storm will end. My husband and I are hanging onto each other with everything we have and wondering how we are going to survive. To others, it may seem as if we have no hope of coming out of this storm, but they are wrong.

We have hope in Christ, who has made it possible for us to overcome these trials we are facing.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." ~ Helaman 5:12

We know there are things we can learn from these trials.

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." ~ Doctrine  and Covenants 122:7

And we understand that we can use our struggles and trials to help others gain hope and comfort in their own lives, as well as be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace.

"When Jesus and His disciples passed a man who was blind since his birth, His disciples queried, 'Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

'Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him' (John 9:2-3)

I do not believe our Father in Heaven causes the tragedies and heartbreak in our lives. But as the 'works of God' were made manifest in the healing of a blind man, so also the way we face our personal trials may manifest the 'works of God.'

From our sorrow we might seek out the sweetness and the good that is often associated with and peculiar to our challenge. We can seek out those memorable moments that are frequently hidden by the pain and agony. We can find peace in extending ourselves to others, using our own experiences to provide hope and comfort. And we can always remember with great solemnity and gratitude Him who suffered most to make it all right for us. And by so doing we can be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace. And then, the 'works of God' might be manifest." ~ Richard C. Edgley, April 2002 General Conference

No, our lives are not easy but there is a bigger picture to all this, a picture that I can't fully see yet. I only see my side of it, and it's not looking too pretty. However, I know that our Heavenly Father can see the whole picture and knows what is to come. And He knows we will get through this. I am most grateful for that. So, in the days and weeks to come I will be sharing more of our experiences, trials, and healing. Stay tuned, and we can all go through this together. I'm grateful for your support, love, prayers, and thoughts. Have a good day!

A New Year

I know it's been a while since I posted anything on here. Most of you can attest to the craziness that is the holidays during the last part of the year. Mine was no exception. I had a wonderful time with friends and family and am now slowly getting back into the routine we had before all the holidays. We love Christmas and celebrating New Years. Sometimes it's a hit or a miss as far as the latter is concerned, but this year it was a hit. We statyed at home, snacked on some appetizers and Dr. Pepper, and played Lego Star Wars on the Gamecube. At midnight we toasted the hopes and dreams of the new year with some sparkling cider, kissed each other, and then continued to play the Gamecube for another couple of hours. It was great. Now, I am ready to start a new year and see what life has in store for us.

For the past few weeks James and I have been discussing our new years resolutions with each other. I like setting new years goals, even though I hardly ever achieve them. I'll be honest. I can get pretty excited about my goals for the first few weeks into the new years and then something happens and I find I'm always rushing to catch up. I feel like I'm behind most, if not all, of the year and then when it comes time to review those goals I don't measure up. I almost complete some of them, and don't even touch the others. I think maybe I set too many at once, and of those that I set, my expectations at achieving them are too high. In short, I expect too much of myself with the goals I set. I have to learn how to modestly set goals.

So, my goals for this year are small in number, and not too difficult. They are goals which will certainly push me and will be a struggle, but not ones that I think will be too hard for me to do. I'm not going to share them with you, as some of them are more personal in nature, but perhaps at the end of this year I will share them in preparation of the new year.

One that I will share with you is to be OK with who I am. I'm still experiencing some health issues which are proving to be most frustrating. I've had so many tests done and everything comes back as "normal" but yet there is something really wrong. I struggle with trying to understand what I need to learn from this health challenge, and how I can deal with it. I want to not be bitter about it. I want to give it all to God and not worry about it. I want to be able to do what I used to do before, and to me that seems like such a small request but one that I have not been granted. I really want those things, but those might not be the things that the Lord wants for me. I'm a firm believer that we go through trials and challenges for a reason. I know there is a reason out there for why I need to go through this and maybe I can't see or accept it because I am just too bitter about it. I truly do want to learn what the Lord wants me to learn from this so I need to change my thinking and my attitude. It has been such a struggle for me. This year I am going to work on being OK with who I am and that alone is more than likely going to be a challenge enough for me.

I wish everyone a happy and positive New Year. I hope all your best wishes and dreams come true and that your hard work will pay off. Be happy and be good to other people!

Homemade Pumpkin Puree

This year, as you well know if you have kept up on my blog, James and I grew a garden. In that garden we grew lots of wonderful fruits and vegetables and the one thing James was most excited about was the pumpkins. We managed to harvest about eight pumpkins (two actual Jack-O-Lanters and the rest are called Triple Treats), and we used four of them to carve on Halloween. The last four pumpkins I cooked up today and made my own homemade pumpkin puree. It was a lengthy process, but only because I had to gut, cut, scrape, peel, and puree the pumpkins. I got a good amount of pumpkin seeds, too (I found out that the Triple Treat pumpkins have hull-less pumpkin seeds that are great for roasting). On Halloween night, after we carved out pumpkins we also roasted the pumpkin seeds. To be honest, I preferred the Triple Treat seeds to the regular Jack-O-Lantern seeds. They taste kind of like popcorn, but without the kernels, and a bit meatier. They even swell and pop in the oven like popcorn. We put olive oil and some seasoning salt on them and have been feasting on them.

Today I got many more seeds that I harvested the same way. When they started popping in the oven I knew they were done. I pulled them out and immediately began tasting them...and kind of haven't stopped. Until now, of course. They are really good. We are definitely growing Triple Treat pumpkins in our garden next year. I also roasted the actual pumpkin until it was fork tender and then I pureed the chunks in the food processor. I was worried the pumpkin would be more watery, but that was not the case at all. In fact, I had to add about half a cup of water to get it a nice thick consistency, and still not be too watery. It turned out great and now I have a great deal of pumpkin puree with which to bake pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin pie. Mmm! Pumpkin pie. I love that stuff. I don't eat it at all through the year, but when November comes it's all I can think about. I love pumpkin pie! I think I'll be making pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread tomorrow. I was going to make it tonight, but it might be a little too late now. I was going to make it for dessert after I tried a new recipe called Lasagna Soup. Since it snowed last night and it's still cold today (which I LOVE!!) I figured it was a great day to try a new soup. I don't know why, but I'm kind of on a soup kick lately. I made a homemade creamy baked potato soup last week that was to die for! So, I'm really excited to try this new soup. I mean, what's not to love with a soup that tastes, and has the same ingredients as, a regular lasagna? It should be good!

Halloween 2011

Well, Halloween seemed to come so quickly this year. I can't believe it's over now. James and I had a great time this month making crafts, hanging and enjoying Halloween decorations, watching Halloween movies, and carving pumpkins. It was awesome. Here are some pictures of our decorations and the pumpkins we carved last night.

And here are the pumpkins we carved:

Here are all the pumpkins together

James did this one

Here's one James created himself. It looks like the tree is coming out of the top.

Here's mine. A few bats.

Here's my other one.

We lit the tree behind the pumpkins. They looked cool!

Here's another with the tree lit behind it.

We had a good Halloween, and honestly we are sad to see it go. However, we are so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is our favorite time of year, yet it always seems to go so fast. So, we try to have as much fun as we can. I hope everyone had a good Halloween!