So Much Time and So Little To Do

Strike that. Reverse it. There is so little time and so much to do before the surgery. I find myself asking my husband the most random questions out of the blue that have nothing to do with the conversation we are having at that moment. It's both funny and embarrassing. I keep having the airport scene from "Sleepless in Seattle" running through my head where Sam (the main character) is speaking to Jonah (his son) about the woman he is dating. He says: "She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use a barrette to keep her hair out of her face? These are things I'm willing to get to the bottom of. And that is why I am dating her." Search the airport scene from the movie on YouTube and you'll see what I am talking about.

I have so many questions going through my mind about the surgery and hospital stay, such as, will there be wi-fi in the hospital room? Should I bring an extra pillow? Will I be able to wash my hair while I'm there? Am I going to be sharing a room with someone? I think as a standard rule, anyone who has just had surgery should always have their own room. The last thing I need is to hear someone getting sick on the other side of the room. No. Thank. You.

See what I mean? Totally random.

This surgery is hitting me really hard. I don't know why I am so anxious and nervous about this. The first surgery was fine. Yes, I was extremely nervous and somewhat anxious, but I guess I didn't know what I was going in to. That's one of the things I have been wrestling with these past few weeks. I honestly don't know what is worse: knowing what to expect, or not knowing what to expect. I sort of know what to expect with this surgery, but there is still so much more I don't know what to expect. I can only hope this week goes by fast.

I went to my pre-admissions appointment yesterday and I'll admit I was hoping they would find something that would cause them to postpone the surgery. They didn't. Everything looks great. No worries or concerns whatsoever. Curses. While I was there one of the nurses told me that they usually have people stay in the hospital for three days, not including the day of the surgery. I guess I won't be going home until Friday or so. Maybe things will go smoother than expected and I will be able to go home earlier. Maybe I'll heal quicker and will be blessed to not have any complications and will be able to go home quicker than others. Maybe.

I read a quote the other day that really struck me and my current situation. I'll end with it and leave you to ponder it for yourself:

"Enduring well is clearly an essential part of mortality's planned refining process. Refining requires heat. Refining also requires time. Furthermore, if whatever constitutes 'it' is to be endured well, refining also requires of its recipients a genuine and continuing confidence in the Refiner." - Neal A. Maxwell