A Tribute to My Father - Day Three

My father has helped instill in me a love of learning. For as long as I can remember my dad has been involved with computers. We always had one or two or more computers in our house growing up. My dad would always bring home these software demo CD's that he would get free in the mail at work and he would toss them in front of me and say, "Here. Learn this and tell me what you think." There were no manuals, no online help for tech support, no chats or forums with which to find information. Only the CD. I loved the challenge of trying to figure out how something worked and playing around with the software. I learned a bunch of different Microsoft software, a bunch of different Apple software, and some photo editing stuff that is archaic in nature compared to the photo editing software they have now. I find I have a knack for trying to figure something out on the computer, and I feel most comfortable with it. I attribute that all to my dad. He always tried to provide us with tools to use and learn from. He acquired these maps that came in a bright yellow plastic box for just about every state and I loved pulling them out and looking at them. It was so fun when my dad brought that box out because I knew we would look at maps and dream about where the solid red lines could take us. It was so fun to see how close the world was when viewed on a map. My love of maps comes from him. My love of learning comes from him. My love of finding out new things comes from him because he took the time to expand my talents and natural curiosity. Thanks, dad! I love you.

A Tribute to My Father - Day Two

I think you have heard me state before that I come from a family of eleven children. If you haven't, well, then I just said it. Keeping track of each child's birthday can be both confusing and frustrating. I was born in May, and ever since I can remember I have regarded my birthday as one of the best days of the year. My two favorite days are Christmas and my birthday and I love getting gifts for both! Growing up I loved it when my birthday was treated as a special occassion.

I was born on May 26th and growing up I always got to choose what kind of dinner and cake we would have for my birthday. My dad is a great cook who makes exceptionally delicious food and he was always making something out of these cookbooks that he had. They were the McCall's Cooking School Cookbooks that had all these laminated pages full of color photos of wonderful dishes with complete step-by-step instructions on the reverse side. Since I got to choose what kind of cake I wanted to have, I choose to pick one that my dad and I could make together and I chose this amazing chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate chips on the top to make. It was fun baking it with my dad. I think all I really did was stir a couple of things together, and add the chocolate chips at the end, but it was nice to spend time with him and watch him work his magic in the kitchen. He was focused, but engaged in conversations with me, and he didn't mind me asking questions about what he was doing. It was a good day.

Another time on my birthday my dad had to go to the store to pick up some items. I remember I was sitting on the living room floor doing some homework when my dad asked me a question that filled my little heart with joy. He said, "If I were to see something that you liked at the store, what would it be?" My mind began to race through the store aisles in my head, desperately trying to pick one thing that I would most want. I told him, "Watermelon Bubbalicious Gum!!" Oh, man did I love that stuff!! I didn't get it very often since we didn't have a lot of money and it was considered a luxury. But I could always blow the best bubbles with it, and the watermelon flavor was my favorite! I was so excited at the thought of getting my own pack of gum from my dad on my birthday! It was bliss! He kept telling me that he wasn't sure if he would get it, but I held out hope that he would. When he came back from the store there wasn't a pack of gum in the bag, but it was in his hand and he tossed it to me and said happy birthday. It was so great.

Making cake with my dad, and getting special treats from him for my birthday was special, but there was one birthday in particular that I have a fond memory of. It was early morning and I was getting ready to walk to school. My two older sisters had already left for school, but since I was in junior high I didn't leave until thirty minutes after they did. I was the only one awake and I was just eating my breakfast when the phone rang. I raced to answer it and heard my dad's voice on the other end. He had been at work for almost two hours already and wanted to talk to me. I didn't know what he wanted to talk about until he said, "I just remembered that today is your birthday, so I wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday before you left for school and tell you that I love you." My dad couldn't see it, but I was smiling as I thanked him for taking the time out of his day to call me and wish me a happy birthday. I told him I loved him too, and then a couple of minutes later the conversation ended and I hung up the phone. I went back and finished my breakfast, feeling so special that my dad thought about me and called to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my birthday was three days away. (Don't feel bad if you are reading this, dad!!) I was just so happy!

I love my dad for all the things he has done, and the man that he is. I love him for the sweet moments he has thought of me, and the times he has called to talk to me. I just love him.

There Are Times

There are times when I am gently guided to things that help me see who I really am. There are times when I struggle and feel alone in my daily trials, but there are always times when I am sweetly reminded of who I am, where I came from, and that I am loved. I am reminded of sweet promises made to those who are faithful, to those who endure, and to those who keep moving forward. I have bad days and I get down on myself and my limited abilities at this time. Yet, there are times when the Lord knows exactly what I need to hear and blesses me with whispers of love that rejuvenate my soul. For those times, I am most grateful.

 I really enjoy this song. It's from Disney's Meet the Robinson's (a fantastic movie, if I do say so) but I feel it is appropriate to how I am feeling now. Listen to the words.

I Only Wanted Ice Cream

I haven't been feeling all that well lately, so I've been spending a lot of time resting and recuperating. I had two migraines over the weekend and worked myself a little too hard in the garden on Saturday. Today I just did not want to go anywhere or do anything, but I had some letters I needed to get out in the mail, and really should have sent them last week. So, after a few hours of talking myself into going out I finally decided to get ready. Really, all I wanted was some ice cream. I wanted some yesterday, but wasn't able to get any so I figured I would go mail the letters and then swing by the store and pick myself up a little frozen treat. However, I knew the second I got into the car that I really did not want to go out.

I'm a big fan of multitasking. I just think it makes sense most of the time and so I thought I would pick up a few items at the store. When I got to the store there were about a billion people there and it was hard to find a decent spot to park and since I am still having muscle issues in my legs and back I have to use that stupid cart that has THE loudest beep when you need to back up. Not only that, but everybody stares when you use it. I hate having to use those things, but I try to just do my thing and get out. All I wanted was some ice cream and after I got a basket of petunias, a snack for James when he gets home, some tomatoes for dinner, and another tube of sunscreen I figured I had picked up enough stuff and made my way to the ice cream section. I was supposed to pick up milk, some sour cream, some half and half, and some chips but I had had enough of weaving in and out of people and waiting for people to get out of the way and trying not to think about all the stares. I grabbed some ice cream I loved but hadn't had in a long while and made for the checkout.

Just as I was putting my items on the counter and thinking maybe I could run a couple more errands, that perhaps I should just suck it up and get the rest of the errands done, some old guy comes up to me, takes my flower basket out of my hand and says, "Here, let me help you with that." as he placed it on the counter. It was such a nice gesture, and I thanked him for his kindness, but I had to force myself to think of something else so I wouldn't cry. I paid for my items and started driving the little cart back out to the parking lot. So dumb. I know. All I wanted was some stupid ice cream!! I wish I just wouldn't have gone out today.

A Tribute to My Father - Day One

Father's day is next Sunday and in preparation of that day I thought I would make a tribute to my father each day this week leading up to Sunday. This is day one:

My dad is truly one of the greatest people I know. I love hanging out with him, and growing up I felt like he understood me and what I was going through. He always seemed to have this sixth sense of when I was having a bad day, and I was usually pretty good at keeping my emotions well hidden through the day. However, whenever I got home and saw my dad it would only take one question from him to bring all those emotions straight to the surface. All he had to do was gently ask, "Are you doing alright?" I'm not sure if he was ever fully prepared for the onslaught of teenage emotions whenever he asked me that, but it truly meant a lot to me that he cared enough to ask me in the first place. My dad cares for his children, and I love him for that.

It wasn't only the questions he asked when he felt I was sad or going through a hard time, but it was also the questions he asked when I was acting up and being rude. I remember one time it was after dinner and he told me to go and get my shoes on, that he wanted me to go for a ride with him. Now, when I was a teenager more often than not when my dad told you he wanted you to go for a ride with him it was to have a stronger talk than what he usually gave. I was immediately nervous. I put on my shoes, all the while racking my brain trying to figure out what it was he was going to talk to me about, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with my attitude around the house lately. I mean, I was a young teenager and that in itself can make people snippy. The drive was long and quiet for a while. He didn't say anything; just drove into the dark night. I had no idea where we were going, and since we lived in the desert I had worked myself up to the point where I was beginning to see how easy it would be to drop me off on the side of the road somewhere and drive off without me. My mind was a whirlwind of activity, though no sound left my lips.

After about ten minutes (to me it felt like an eternity) my dad drove up to a McDonald's and ordered a twisted ice cream cone. He asked me what I wanted, and being so thrown off by the drive and the ice cream and how sure I was he was going to abandon me in the desert at night, I was confused. I told him I didn't want any, but he firmly told me to order something. So I got an ice cream cone, too. After that, he pulled into the parking lot and started to have a father-daughter talk with me about my attitude. I don't remember much of how the conversation went because I think I was so relieved that he really wasn't going to ditch me in the desert, not that he would have ever done that in the first place but, it's funny what sort of tricks our minds can play on us in scary situations.

Even though I don't remember the conversation, I remember that my father did not yell, he didn't belittle me and make me feel like a loser, but he calmly (but firmly) talked to me about what was going on and how I needed to make some changes. He did it in a way that both scared me and caused me great respect for him. He only ever had to do that once, because I made sure I never did anything to make him have to do that again. I also greatly appreciated the way he took me aside and talked to me personally instead of yelling at me in front of my brothers and sisters. I am a big advocate for pulling people aside and talking to them and I think it comes from my dad doing the same thing to me. It made quite the impression on me, and I know it couldn't have been easy for my dad to have to speak to one of his kids about behaving better. Thanks, dad, for being willing to talk to me in a way that would make a big impression. I love you!

Here I Am!

Hello again, blogger world! I know it's been almost two months since I last posted anything, but sometimes I think I really don't have anything new to share with you all so i don't write anything. However, these last couple of months have been busy!!

In May, James' sister Cheryl got married and we had a fun and family-filled weekend helping and participating in that. It was so awesome to be around James' family again, especially the ones who are from out of town and we don't get to see as often. Of course it was a beautiful wedding, and we all had a great time.

Then it was my birthday, which was pretty much uneventful because I had a vicious migraine that day, but James made me a cake the next day and took me out to lunch and a movie. We went to Ruby Tuesday's and watched Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. It wasn't the best one of the four, but it was fun to see a movie in the theater again. We haven't been in so long.

Then we had to get ready for James' last term for his second Bachelor's degree. We are so excited for this and have been working hard at updating his online portfolio and applying for jobs within his field.

And along the way, we have been working hard at the garden. What? I didn't tell you about our garden? Well! Let me tell you. Uh, James and I have a garden. :)

Seriously, though, James and I have had the fortunate blessing to use some farm land up north to plant a garden. Our church has a welfare farm that they open a part of it up to some of the members to plant and grow a garden if they like. The farm fertilizers the land and waters each week, and we just have to plant our seeds and take care of the rows we are given. We went to an informational meeting about it in early April and began planning from there. And I must say, it has been so stinking fun! The farm is about an hour away and we go up every Saturday morning and see what new items are growing. We have three rows that are 15" wide each and 60' long each, so we have about a 4' x 180' square foot piece of land that we are using for the growing season.

James and I have had a blast figuring out what to plant, purchasing the seeds, and working hard in our garden to get rid of weeds. My brother Jake is using part of our section to grow some of his own vegetables and he has planted sweet corn, carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes. We have the rest of the area and we have planted potatoes, horseradish, carrots, onions, bush beans, sunflowers, big boy tomatoes, cauliflower, bell peppers, squash, zucchini, pickling cucumbers, sweet corn, pole beans, watermelon, pumpkin, celebrity tomatoes, beefsteak tomatoes, parsley, basil, and oregano. Each week we take a picture of our garden after we are done weeding and plating, and it has been really fun to go back through them and see how things are growing. So far, at least as of last week, the only things we have showing right now are the potatoes, carrots, onions, horseradish, bush beans, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, sunflowers, and corn, and they all seemed to kind of pop right out of the ground at the same time, except for the potatoes.

At first we were worried about the drive up there each week, but it has turned out to be such a nice drive where James and I can (and have) talked about all sorts of things, though the majority of our conversation revolves around what new plants might be poking out of the ground this week. We aren't sure how well our cauliflower is doing. We planted it a few weeks ago and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. It may have been planted too late in the season and just won't grow now, so if the cauliflower isn't showing this week then we're certain it's just not going to grow. We'll till the ground and then plant some herbs and flowers there. We also have an herb garden starting to grow on our deck. We planted parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, and basil last Saturday and just this morning we found thyme seedlings coming up. James was so excited. I was, too.

I know you're probably thinking that we are growing a ton of stuff, but we are sharing it with our families too. We are going to be canning a lot of the food, and then feasting on some of it during the summer. When the fruit and vegetables start growing then we'll probably need to go out to the farm two times a week, but it'll definitely be worth it. I can't wait to taste our first vegetable or fruit from the garden. I bet it's going to taste delicious. :)

An Anniversary Of Sorts

It's so strange for me to sit here and remember that two years ago today I had surgery to remove a cancerous piece of my body. Two years. Has it really been that long? Sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday. When you go through something life changing it feels like it will never end; like each new day is just another reminder of how different your world has become. Yet, when you get a distance away and you find yourself in a spot where things are calm enough for you to look back, you begin to see the blessings and the lessons learned. And you are grateful, and sad, and hopeful, and encouraged, and pensive. But most of all you are grateful.

There are so many things that I have learned from this experience. I learned that everyone heals differently, even if they go through the same thing. I've learned you shouldn't second guess your own feelings. I've learned that sometimes the answer to something you've been praying for over and over again will still be "no" if it's not what the Lord wants. And I've learned to be OK with that. I've learned (most recently...this one took a while) that the atonement of Jesus Christ makes it possible for us to have perfect bodies one day, and that makes going through health troubles, at least for me, so much easier to endure. I've also learned of the love and concern from friends and family members that have touched my heart so deeply I feared it would burst. And last night, I learned that if I had to go through this same experience all over again for whatever reason, I would. It isn't because I enjoy the pain and suffering, the heartache, the fears and concerns, the soul wrenching sadness, and desperate hope to be healed and whole again. No. It's because I know every experience I go through is for my own good, and that I can do anything I need to either by myself, with the Lord's help, or with the help of someone else. God never gives us anything we can't do. I know this.

Most of you might be asking if everything is better now that it's been two years. The answer to that is yes and no. About a month and a half ago I started feeling really good. I had energy and I wasn't in pain all the time. I felt able to function and ready to do things. Fortunately that has continued to last and I have had an extremely good month and a half, for which I am so unbelievably thankful. That's the yes part. I think things are starting to settle down as far as my general well-being is concerned.

The no part gets a bit more complicated. I am still having muscle problems in my legs and lower back, and have most recently noticed problems in my shoulders now too. I don't know what it is, but I am trying to figure it out. As a result I am still not able to stand or walk for longer than a few minutes at a time. This has proven both extremely frustrating, and an extreme test of my patience, but I know that this will be figured out in its own due time and I really try hard not to think about it so much or else I will become extremely depressed. I also still have issues with speaking that limit how much I can talk and for how long. The same thing goes for singing. On Sunday I was able to sing all four versus of the opening hymn at church. Of course it was the alto part, and I was so happy that I did it. However, I could only sing half of the rest hymn, and I couldn't sing any of the closing hymn. Singing is something I'm still trying to figure out. Before the surgery I used to be able to sing alto and soprano. Now I sing tenor and alto, but sometimes the alto part is too high. I'm not worried about it anymore, though. It will come back when it wants to and for now, well, let's just say I'm convinced that I am well on my way to becoming a famous whistling champion. :)

The cancer is still there somewhere, though it is quite shy since none of the scanning tests can seem to find it, though the blood tests pick it up with no problem at all. For now, I am breathing a sigh of relief that all is mostly well, and I am hopeful that one day it will be better. I know it is now, two years to the day later, but I guess it just took me a little longer to get here. I'm just so happy to be here. Happy anniversary (of sorts) to me!!