Friday, August 30

Hope Amidst The Storms

I think this is the second time that I've brought this blog back to life. I'm sorry, readers or viewers of my blog, that I have not been more consistent with posting here. I've been feeling lately like I need to begin blogging again, and I don't think that prompting could have come at a better time.

When last we met I was discussing New Year's resolutions and musing about what life had in store for me and what I wanted to improve upon. You'll be happy to know that I was successful in my goal setting last year and I obtained what I set out to do, with some pretty great results that even I wasn't expecting. It's always nice to achieve something and have it turn out better than you could have imagined.

My life has changed quite dramatically as of late. Through many tests and doctor's visits they have been able to find the thyroid cancer again. They performed a biopsy on three separate lymph nodes in my neck and they all came back as cancerous. Now I will be going in to have another surgery; a bilateral neck dissection. I'm not looking forward to this procedure because it's much bigger than the first one I had about four and a half years ago and will require a more lengthy surgery, more time in the hospital, and a much bigger scar. Much bigger. I'll keep you all updated on this event and the healing.

I wish I could say that was the only major event happening in our lives lately, but that's not the case. You know the phrase, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane. Everything is falling apart all around me and I truly cannot see how or when this storm will end. My husband and I are hanging onto each other with everything we have and wondering how we are going to survive. To others, it may seem as if we have no hope of coming out of this storm, but they are wrong.

We have hope in Christ, who has made it possible for us to overcome these trials we are facing.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." ~ Helaman 5:12

We know there are things we can learn from these trials.

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." ~ Doctrine  and Covenants 122:7

And we understand that we can use our struggles and trials to help others gain hope and comfort in their own lives, as well as be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace.

"When Jesus and His disciples passed a man who was blind since his birth, His disciples queried, 'Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

'Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him' (John 9:2-3)

I do not believe our Father in Heaven causes the tragedies and heartbreak in our lives. But as the 'works of God' were made manifest in the healing of a blind man, so also the way we face our personal trials may manifest the 'works of God.'

From our sorrow we might seek out the sweetness and the good that is often associated with and peculiar to our challenge. We can seek out those memorable moments that are frequently hidden by the pain and agony. We can find peace in extending ourselves to others, using our own experiences to provide hope and comfort. And we can always remember with great solemnity and gratitude Him who suffered most to make it all right for us. And by so doing we can be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace. And then, the 'works of God' might be manifest." ~ Richard C. Edgley, April 2002 General Conference

No, our lives are not easy but there is a bigger picture to all this, a picture that I can't fully see yet. I only see my side of it, and it's not looking too pretty. However, I know that our Heavenly Father can see the whole picture and knows what is to come. And He knows we will get through this. I am most grateful for that. So, in the days and weeks to come I will be sharing more of our experiences, trials, and healing. Stay tuned, and we can all go through this together. I'm grateful for your support, love, prayers, and thoughts. Have a good day!

Wednesday, January 4

A New Year

I know it's been a while since I posted anything on here. Most of you can attest to the craziness that is the holidays during the last part of the year. Mine was no exception. I had a wonderful time with friends and family and am now slowly getting back into the routine we had before all the holidays. We love Christmas and celebrating New Years. Sometimes it's a hit or a miss as far as the latter is concerned, but this year it was a hit. We statyed at home, snacked on some appetizers and Dr. Pepper, and played Lego Star Wars on the Gamecube. At midnight we toasted the hopes and dreams of the new year with some sparkling cider, kissed each other, and then continued to play the Gamecube for another couple of hours. It was great. Now, I am ready to start a new year and see what life has in store for us.

For the past few weeks James and I have been discussing our new years resolutions with each other. I like setting new years goals, even though I hardly ever achieve them. I'll be honest. I can get pretty excited about my goals for the first few weeks into the new years and then something happens and I find I'm always rushing to catch up. I feel like I'm behind most, if not all, of the year and then when it comes time to review those goals I don't measure up. I almost complete some of them, and don't even touch the others. I think maybe I set too many at once, and of those that I set, my expectations at achieving them are too high. In short, I expect too much of myself with the goals I set. I have to learn how to modestly set goals.

So, my goals for this year are small in number, and not too difficult. They are goals which will certainly push me and will be a struggle, but not ones that I think will be too hard for me to do. I'm not going to share them with you, as some of them are more personal in nature, but perhaps at the end of this year I will share them in preparation of the new year.

One that I will share with you is to be OK with who I am. I'm still experiencing some health issues which are proving to be most frustrating. I've had so many tests done and everything comes back as "normal" but yet there is something really wrong. I struggle with trying to understand what I need to learn from this health challenge, and how I can deal with it. I want to not be bitter about it. I want to give it all to God and not worry about it. I want to be able to do what I used to do before, and to me that seems like such a small request but one that I have not been granted. I really want those things, but those might not be the things that the Lord wants for me. I'm a firm believer that we go through trials and challenges for a reason. I know there is a reason out there for why I need to go through this and maybe I can't see or accept it because I am just too bitter about it. I truly do want to learn what the Lord wants me to learn from this so I need to change my thinking and my attitude. It has been such a struggle for me. This year I am going to work on being OK with who I am and that alone is more than likely going to be a challenge enough for me.

I wish everyone a happy and positive New Year. I hope all your best wishes and dreams come true and that your hard work will pay off. Be happy and be good to other people!

Wednesday, November 2

Homemade Pumpkin Puree

This year, as you well know if you have kept up on my blog, James and I grew a garden. In that garden we grew lots of wonderful fruits and vegetables and the one thing James was most excited about was the pumpkins. We managed to harvest about eight pumpkins (two actual Jack-O-Lanters and the rest are called Triple Treats), and we used four of them to carve on Halloween. The last four pumpkins I cooked up today and made my own homemade pumpkin puree. It was a lengthy process, but only because I had to gut, cut, scrape, peel, and puree the pumpkins. I got a good amount of pumpkin seeds, too (I found out that the Triple Treat pumpkins have hull-less pumpkin seeds that are great for roasting). On Halloween night, after we carved out pumpkins we also roasted the pumpkin seeds. To be honest, I preferred the Triple Treat seeds to the regular Jack-O-Lantern seeds. They taste kind of like popcorn, but without the kernels, and a bit meatier. They even swell and pop in the oven like popcorn. We put olive oil and some seasoning salt on them and have been feasting on them.

Today I got many more seeds that I harvested the same way. When they started popping in the oven I knew they were done. I pulled them out and immediately began tasting them...and kind of haven't stopped. Until now, of course. They are really good. We are definitely growing Triple Treat pumpkins in our garden next year. I also roasted the actual pumpkin until it was fork tender and then I pureed the chunks in the food processor. I was worried the pumpkin would be more watery, but that was not the case at all. In fact, I had to add about half a cup of water to get it a nice thick consistency, and still not be too watery. It turned out great and now I have a great deal of pumpkin puree with which to bake pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin pie. Mmm! Pumpkin pie. I love that stuff. I don't eat it at all through the year, but when November comes it's all I can think about. I love pumpkin pie! I think I'll be making pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread tomorrow. I was going to make it tonight, but it might be a little too late now. I was going to make it for dessert after I tried a new recipe called Lasagna Soup. Since it snowed last night and it's still cold today (which I LOVE!!) I figured it was a great day to try a new soup. I don't know why, but I'm kind of on a soup kick lately. I made a homemade creamy baked potato soup last week that was to die for! So, I'm really excited to try this new soup. I mean, what's not to love with a soup that tastes, and has the same ingredients as, a regular lasagna? It should be good!

Tuesday, November 1

Halloween 2011

Well, Halloween seemed to come so quickly this year. I can't believe it's over now. James and I had a great time this month making crafts, hanging and enjoying Halloween decorations, watching Halloween movies, and carving pumpkins. It was awesome. Here are some pictures of our decorations and the pumpkins we carved last night.


And here are the pumpkins we carved:
Here are all the pumpkins together
James did this one
Here's one James created himself. It looks like the tree is coming out of the top.
Here's mine. A few bats.
Here's my other one.
We lit the tree behind the pumpkins. They looked cool!
Here's another with the tree lit behind it.
We had a good Halloween, and honestly we are sad to see it go. However, we are so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is our favorite time of year, yet it always seems to go so fast. So, we try to have as much fun as we can. I hope everyone had a good Halloween!

Tuesday, October 25

Halloween Crafts

**Warning! This post might be very picture heavy, but it will be worth it. I promise!**

About a month ago my wonderful husband and I started to work on Halloween projects in preparation of the upcoming holiday. We love Halloween. I mean, LOVE!! It should come as no surprise to most people who know us, really. Our apartment is completely decked out in Halloween decorations that would put most houses to shame. We just love the decorations, the festiveness (I think I may have made that word up, but just go with it), and the opportunity to do something fun to take our minds off our "normal" problems. I wanted to show you the Halloween crafts we made to make the holiday even more fun.

We made some Halloween jars with a variety of labels on them and placed them on a shelf in our kitchen. We filled them with various objects, and have had a blast looking at them, using them, and seeing them sit on the shelf. Here are a few pictures of them. James made the labels and I put them on the jars.


Go ahead and click on any of the pictures to make them larger and see them in more detail. These were so fun (and quick) to make. James' favorite is the Ghost in a Bottle that has eyes in the back, and mine is the Dragon Tears that you can shake. They are cool, if I do say so myself.

Another project we did was for our mini Halloween graveyard. I purchased these Styrofoam gravestones about six years ago to use at a Halloween party my brother and I had. Since then those gravestones have been pretty much everywhere. I used them at work a couple of times, as well as put them in a variety of locations in my home. Then James started to really get into creating this mini tabletop graveyard and that became their new home. With all the putting up and taking down they got kind of used, so we traced the shape of them and James cut them out wood and I painted them. Now they are totally durable and can be used for years to come.

It looks like I am a master painter, huh? Not so my friends! Do not be deceived. I had two sets of the graveyards. We cut them in half and glued them to the wood shapes, and then glued them to wood bases. If you look closely, you can see where the original gravestones and the wood ones don't quite match up. Not that I want to willingly point out the flaws, but I seriously do not want to disappoint people with my mad gluing skills. I'm just sayin'.

The next project I did was for friends of our. I wanted to make them a special Halloween gift they could use in their own home. They were coming over to help us decorate, so I started working on this first, but it was pretty time consuming what with all the painting and drying. Still, it was so much fun and I was so pleased with the way it turned out. It was an idea I got from Martha Stewart, and it's candy corn garland. I made the candy corn shapes out of foam blocks, and used baking wrappers for the candy pieces in between. Then we strung it up on some fancy string and gave it to them. They loved it and I have no doubt it will be loved and used in their home.

While I was working on all the painting and gluing, James was working on a project himself. James likes to paint, and he does a really good job of it. He decided he wanted to create a picture of pumpkins on a silver tray using oil paints. And create it he did! I am so impressed with his talent, and even more excited to have it added to our collection of Halloween items. It looks awesome!! He is working on building a frame for it, and once that's done we'll have the complete picture. It still looks really good on the wall right now.

I saw an idea online for a Halloween wreath that I thought looked so great, and I really wanted to try it for myself. I know my mom is going to love this one. It's a fabric Halloween wreath made from a bunch of fabric pieces. We got some fabric, cut it up into pieces, then tied it to a metal wreath. I have to admit that I didn't really like the look of it as I was tying all the pieces on, but after I was done it looked much better. Then we loosely wrapped some rich orange ribbon around the wreath and added some black and orange balls on it. We thought that would be it because it was so beautiful and we both really liked it, but then James found this wonderful little sign painted orange with gold glitter that said "Halloween" and we added that to the middle with some fishing wire. After that, we stood back and admired our work. We loved it. I'm excited to try one for Christmas.

Close up of some of the detail. You can see the different patterns of fabric we used.
And the last project we worked on for Halloween was something that is dear to my heart. When I was a kid my grandma sent us a set of these adorable Halloween ceramic figurines that had glowing and blinking red eyes. They were awesome! My brothers and sisters and I were quick to pick our favorite and claim it was "ours". We played with those figurines so many times that eventually they eyes stopped blinking and stopped turning on. We still loved them, though. Fast forward twenty or so years and my mom handed them down to me so I could display them in my own home. I didn't get a chance to try and fix them last year, so my one goal was to get them working. That, however, proved to be more difficult than I thought since technology has advanced so quickly since then and the pieces I had were so archaic people were scared when we showed them the pieces. I eventually turned to my dad for help. He is really good at trying to figure out how things work and how to repair items, so I knew he could help me. He's been working on them for several weeks now, and I am happy to report that they work! They are blinking again! Well, most of them are. Out of eight pieces, there were two or three that had to be completely rebuilt and they don't blink, but I'm just so happy to have these pieces working again. Everyone who has seen them has fallen in love with them. They really are cool. So to end my picture happy post today, I've included the pictures below. The video I had isn't working properly, so once I get it fixed I'll upload it for you all to see them blinking. They are so cool! I know my family will remember these pieces...and try to fight me for them. :) Enjoy!!

Before the lights were turned on. These are not all of them.
And now with the lights on. The wolf/cat and the mummy were the ones we had to replace.

Stronger

I saw a quote about a week ago that said, "Sometimes people cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long." I smiled a small smile when I saw that because I thought it was a fair quote. Then I started thinking about it and I thought it could use a little revamping. It should say, "Sometimes people cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for so long." That was me yesterday.

I don't think I've had to fight for something so hard before in my life. There were things I had to struggle through, and times when I needed to work hard for something, but this has been a serious fight for me and some people may think I'm crazy doing everything I've been doing to try and get some answers, some clarification, and someone to help me figure it out. Health issues are always a challenge, but when you spend 90% of your time trying your absolute best to figure out what the problem may be, it can become exhausting. Yesterday I went to have a neck ultrasound done as a part of the follow-up care to the thyroid cancer. The test was difficult only because of the crazy stretched out position they always put my neck in, in order to get the best results. You'll be happy to know the test came back as clean, and so other than a slight increase in the Synthroid dosage I take each day, and an elevated thyroglobulin level (which means there is still thyroid tissue and thyroid cancer somewhere in my body but no other test can find it), I am not expected back to the endocrinologist for another three months. One area down, another yet to go.

As I was driving back home from the test yesterday, I had a mini break down in my car. It wasn't anything too bad. I could still drive on the freeway and everything, but it was tiring nonetheless. Sometimes I try so hard to be so strong and brave and face whatever tests and medicine and doctors I need to face, and I do really well for a while. Then, in the small moments of quiet thought I break down a little bit and get it out of my system. It's hard doing all this stuff. Sometimes I just need to cry.

Today I went to yet another doctor's appointment for an unrelated issue that has consumed my world for the past four years now, and caused me such heartache. I am hopeful this doctor will help me to figure out what this issue is. I'm not going to go into detail as to what is going on, but suffice it to say that it has been such a struggle. And it still is. I'm hopeful this doctor can help me figure this out. I'm trying to remain strong. I'll do whatever it takes to get this figured out, and I'll let you know if they find anything this time. Thanks for staying with me. You have no idea how much writing all this out helps me to cope. Thank you.

Wednesday, October 12

A Bountiful Harvest Indeed

We are in the final week of our garden this season, and we have had so much fun. We've been able to watch the garden grow and produce so many wonderful things in just a little over five months. Plants are amazing, and we have loved growing a garden. We hope to be able to grow one again next year and have already begun talking about what we want to plant.

Last week the weather turned cold, so we went and harvested almost everything. We'll be finishing up the last of it this weekend. Here are some of the items we harvested:



Look at all our wonderful tomatoes. Some of them were red and ripe, but since it was so cold and the garden was no longer being watered, we decided to pick them. We'll see if there are any more left (or that have since grown) when we go back out for the final time this weekend, but this is quite an impressive haul. We counted them all and there was a total of 450 tomatoes!! They are all different sizes, but James' mom is letting them ripen at her house and will be canning them into spaghetti sauce. Thank you, mom!! :) You can also see some of our watermelons in the picture, too. They weren't fully developed, but still so cute. I'm impressed they grew so well since we planted them later. Next year we'll plant them earlier.




These are the pumpkins and the sunflowers we were able to harvest. There were eight pumpkins total (nine counting the one we picked a couple of weeks ago that is currently sitting amongst our Halloween decorations). James is so excited about these. He can hardly wait to carve them and I can hardly wait to make them into pumpkin pies. We'll see how well they turn out. I'll be sure to let you know. Also, the sunflowers did so amazingly well that I feel like a proud parent! They not only survived some of the toughest conditions I have seen, but thy thrived! And just when we thought they were done, we find hundreds upon hundreds of seeds in them that we get to pick and roast. We need to let them dry out a bit more, but we've already taken the seeds out of two of them and we have a big wooden bowl half way full. We till have seven more sunflower heads to harvest seeds from. I'll be sure to post pictures once we have them all done.




The two pumpkins sitting in the grey planter are the from actual Jack-O-Lantern plant we planted. The rest of the ones on the deck are from the Triple Treat plant that we will be able to use for pies, to eat the seeds, and to carve for Halloween as well. It's so fun to look out on our balcony and see these vegetables sitting there, waiting for us to do something with them. It makes us happy.

Well, that's all for now. Like I said, we'll be making our final trip to the garden on Saturday to harvest the few remaining items (like the horse radish) and then that will be it until next year. I wonder what the garden will look like this weekend.