Being an Adult

"It's my turn to decide what being an adult means." - John McFerrin

Yesterday, while James and I were out and about, I saw an old boss of mine who I worked for a few years ago. Normally this would have been a grand reunion as I have gotten along extremely well with my previous employers. However, this person and situation did not end so nicely so I did not want to even smile at her from a distance. Doesn't that sound horrible? Yeah, a very badly burned bridge at a company that was truly horrible with a boss that genuinely sucked and used people as stepping stools. Fortunately I was in my car waiting for James to come out of the store when I spotted her. Unfortunately she had parked right next to me and stopped right in front of my car and looked my way. I quickly turned my head, hoping she didn't see me and tried to think of anything I could do that would make it look like I was too busy to speak to. You might be thinking that if it was such a bad thing working for her, why would she even stop to talk? Well, she is the type of person to stop and say hi and brag about her life and how great she is. Wow. I really do sound like a jerk, but I promise there is a point to all this. Thankfully she didn't stop to talk, or smile, or wave. Truth be told, I don't think she even saw me, and if she did I honestly don't think she recognized me.

My whole point in sharing this information with all of you is my reaction to what could have been. For some reason my mind became consumed with different scenarios if she had noticed me and stopped to say hello. I couldn't help but think about what I would say to her. At first my thoughts turned to anger and I wanted to say something to the effect of "Yeah, after that job I found out I had cancer, thank you very much." Then I wanted to peel rubber as I pulled out of the parking lot and zoomed away. My thoughts also turned to a more haughty nature as I imagined her asking me how I've been and me replying with "Oh, I'm a corporate trainer at a fortune 500 company that I love and adore. I don't know how I ever worked anywhere else!" Then I would have put on my biggest smile, told her I had a million things to do and pretend to try and schedule lunch sometime just so I could shove a fake job in her face and make it sound like I was a much better person than when I worked for her.

About an hour later I came to my senses and thanked the good Lord above that she didn't talk to me. What is surprising to me, though, is how I reacted to the situation. I have never, ever, wanted to do something like that with anyone before, so this really threw me for a loop. I was super surprised that I would have that kind of a reaction, and it made me realize how much that company, the job, and that boss truly affected me. What's worse is that I begged God for that job. I pleaded and prayed and begged and bartered just to get in there and finally I got it after a very long time. I thought it was going to be something that I would love and be able to thrive at. Not so. Being an adult in this situation means that I had to understand that all those imagined scenarios I went through were not appropriate, nor were they something I would do at all. Had she seen me and smiled, I would have smiled back. Had she waved, I more than likely would have waved back. And had she come up to talk to me I would have been polite, but refrained from providing any real details about my life at this time. I am sure I would have said something like "Oh, I am doing fine, thanks for asking. How are things with you? Are you still working at Company XYZ?" and turned the attention back to her because that's the polite and right thing to do, and that's what my parents taught me. That's what being an adult meant to me yesterday.