Thursday, January 7

Not What I Thought

When you're growing up you have these dreams or thoughts or expectations, call them what you may, about what your life is going to be like when you are older and on your own. You think about the successful career, or the handsome loving husband/beautiful perfect wife, the beautiful family, or the travels around the world. You factor in ages and places, people and things, money and wealth, possessions and spirituality. You take almost everything into consideration and think you have everything planned out so well. And then, the next thing you know, you are living a life that is completely opposite anything you ever imagined those many years ago. For some, it's better than they every thought it could be, and for others it's worse.

It's at moments like this that you think "I've done everything right. I've followed the plan I created for myself, I did all the right things at exactly the right time." But somehow it all goes an entirely different way. We don't factor in the heartache or the missed opportunities. We don't lie in our beds at night as kids dreaming about what we will do when our plan doesn't work out. We don't consider sickness or sorrow, sadness or pain. And that's a good thing because as kids it's in our nature to focus on the good and the positive. We are supposed to dream big and throw our souls open to the world with an invitation of "Come in world! Show me what you've got! I can take it! I can take anything you throw at me!" Our eyes are bright, our smiles wide and we run towards anything that looks like it might be hard or even dangerous simply because it's an adventure.

Then, in the quiet moments of a cold January morning, you reflect back on everything you have done and everything going on right now and you think "What happened?" Your mind is turned toward those who are the same age as you and their beautiful families, successful careers, handsome loving husbands/beautiful perfect wives, and travels they have taken. You remember their wide grins in the pictures and videos they have sent. You hear the happiness and excitement in their voices as they recount their adventures and you can't help but be a little jealous.

Your life has not turned out like what you thought it would....

...it's hard...
...and painful...
...and a little bit scary.

But that doesn't mean it's been bad. It's just not what you had originally thought it would be like. It's different and new and sometimes overwhelming. But that's where the adventure comes in. Life begins at the edge of our comfort zones.

4 comments:

fjsdvsdflk said...

the secret is to keep that smile n never stay down when something hits u, that hit teaches u something for ur life, but u need to learn it good; no revenge, there's no wars need. U need to wake up/stand up because u r still alive for a reason, don't waste it, even if it hurts... because we r still alive for a reason.
We can make it, they can make it, u can make it.

Chilly Beans said...

Juicebox, you are right. We can all make it, and we are alive for a reason. Thanks for posting your comment. :)

fjsdvsdflk said...

thank u:D love what u wrote:D

azufelt said...

Ya, here's the thing about looking at what other people've got.... YOU'RE WRONG!

I can't even begin to count how many times people have upliftingly commented on how great a mom I am, how they wonder "how I do it with 4 kids"... What they don't know is that while I sit in church and they see only the back of me, they don't see the tears well up in my eyes because I am wondering how in the WORLD I got here. I've always wanted everything I have, but I never knew it would be so hard either. Nobody else knows those fears you have inside, because jsut as quick as the tears well up, you wipe them away, shake someone's hand, and get on to your duties, because that is how strong you are.

So, it's tough to think that someone else has something more than you have, but truthfully everytime you pick yourself back up and try again, you have the most strength out of anything. Nobody can get you down.

And ya, why do all those years flash by so quickly? I thought it was just a moment ago I was having my first baby, a moment ago I was scheming my life with my husband, a moment ago I was trying to figure out my purpose in college... moments go by so very quickly.