Yesterday was a really bad day. It was right up there with one of the worst migraines of my life, and the hardest part was trying to keep myself from crying. There have only been a couple of times when the pain in my head was so severe that it brought me to tears. I know there are people out there who can completely understand this. It's only natural to cry when there is a severe amount of pain, no matter where it is in/on the body. That pain yesterday was too much for me to keep bottled in, and so, as I sat with my head on my husband's chest wishing for the good Lord to just take me away already, I surprised myself by bursting into tears and sobbing almost uncontrollably. And that, my friends, is a very bad thing when you have a migraine because it only makes the pain worse. It took extreme effort for me to calm myself down enough to stop crying, and when I did I was in a sorrier state than I had previously been, which is saying a lot.
I'm sure there might be someone out there who is probably thinking about what a baby I am for crying over a headache, and from your viewpoint I can see how you would think that. But for one minute I would love to have you jump inside my head, feel the pain I feel, and then come out and tell me if you would not do the same thing, or at least something comparable. 99% of the time I can work my way through the pain. 99% of the time I can try to relax and calm myself down enough to tolerate the pain until the medicine kicks in, or I fall asleep struggling with the effort. Yesterday was a really bad day.
I've had migraines for the past ten years, and they didn't start slowly, I'll tell you that much. One day, in the summer of 1999 I was hit with a migraine so bad it knocked me out for the rest of the day. Naturally, I thought I was dying, that some dormant tumor had decided to explode suddenly and I was sure that was the end. It was horrible, and has only progressed from there.
I've tried pretty much every medication you can find on the market to get rid of the migraine when I have it, and to prevent it from coming all together. So far, I haven't found the miracle treatment that will reduce my migraines to just one a month, if not have them disappear all together. Since the first of April I have had six migraines and last month I had ten total. No rhyme, no reason, no pattern, just pain.
Anyone else who has had migraines, or currently suffers from them, will know the immense feeling of loss as a result. My migraines last between 12 and 24 hours with no let up and because of this I miss entire days of my life. Plans have to be cancelled, feelings are hurt, people get frustrated, and I end up miserable and depressed with a lovely little thing I like to call the migraine hangover. I've never been drunk, so I really don't know what it feels like to have a hangover from a night of alcohol, but I can tell you that having a migraine hangover is not too pretty either. First, you are exhausted. This is a kind of odd position to be in since you spent the previous day literally lying in bed, or the couch, or a chair, because you physically aren't able to do anything else. However, it makes perfect sense because you spend every last bit of energy you can muster focused on trying to relieve the pain. It takes a lot of out of you. Second, you are depressed. I'm not too sure why this happens, but it's a struggle too. You're depressed from having to deal with another migraine again, with missing out on an entire day of your life, with letting friends and family down, with having such severe pain, and frustrated at not being able to get rid of the blasted things in the first place. Plus, your entire body is just so tired and weak and that doesn't help things out either. The only good thing is that this piece doesn't last, so you just muddle through it. And third the migraine might come back, so throughout the day you have to make sure you don't overdo anything in case something you do causes the migraine to come back and you're right back where you were the day before. And no one wants that.
When I get a migraine, I truly do my best to never ask "why me?". I know that's something that could be so easy to shout to the heavens. I do ask why, but it's more of a "why did this one come on today? What caused it?" or "why can't these things stop?" But I find myself not able to answer those questions and so, to stop myself from going mad and getting angry I try not to ask why it came on. I figure I can work on that problem after the pain has subsided. It's like when someone says their stomach is hurting and they throw up and someone inevitably asks "what did you eat?". That's the last thing they should be thinking about right then.
Anyway, this post is much longer than I thought it would be, so thanks for sticking through to the end. I write about my migraines so that people can understand what it is like, and to show those who suffer from migraines currently that they are not alone. It's such a debilitating thing and totally sucks all the energy out of you, but thankfully they do go away...even if it is only for a little while.
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