What is going on?

I just don't get it. I have not had success in finding a new job and this has caused much concern for me. I've never had this type of trouble before. I have been working in the corporate world for the last thirteen years and have never had a problem finding a position. I communicate well, I am a team player, I know how to work a computer and most software applications, I am a quick learner, super positive, fast typist, extremely organized, and I am all about the customer. So what is going on? All of the sudden I feel like I am back in grade school trying to figure out why no one wants to be my friend. I've begun to question my skills, my knowledge, and my experiences. I've begun to doubt my own abilities and that, in case none of you have ever been in a similar position, is so disheartening. So now I am in a position where I don't know what I want to do, where I am not sure what area I want to go into, or what I want to do with my life. How can that be? These last six weeks have been full of ups and downs and sometimes I don't even know which way I am facing.

I saw a preview for a new show coming on tv and the part I saw kind of made me mad. It was a lady who was totally freaking out because of her debts and the bills she had that were outstanding. She was talking to her mom about it and her mom said, "Try not to worry about the bills. Here's a biscuit for you." Every time I see it I get angry because how on earth is that lady supposed to NOT worry about the bills? She has people all over her trying to collect what is due and she is struggling to make ends meet (though I am a little skeptical because she has a freakin' show on tv, for the love of Pete! I'm tempted to question how bad off she really is) and here is her mom telling her to not worry about them. Well, I am here to tell everyone that you can't just ignore certain problems and situations in your life. True, you probably shouldn't focus on them every single day because that would stress you out to the breaking point. But you do have to formulate some sort of plan on how best to take care of whatever situation you may be in at that time. I know what you are thinking. You're thinking that if you focus on your problems all the time it will drive you crazy. And to that point I agree. However, how are you supposed to make things better by just eating a freakin' biscuit, or watching a movie, or listening to music? Where is the plan of action? And the backup plan after that if things still aren't working out? And what do you do when everything has fallen through and you honestly have no more ideas?

Now, for those of you who are tempted to comment and say something about how I should trust in God and He will provide, or how I should turn all my worries over to Him and not think about them anymore, I say I have already done that. And for those of you who are tempted to further comment that perhaps I just don't trust that He will provide a way, I say I do trust Him and I know He will provide a way. I have a few things to say. I have turned many of my worries over to Him with complete faith that He would hear me and help me so that I am stronger and able to handle those stresses I have, because I don't think He will take these sort of troubles "away" just because. Even the people of Alma who were in bondage and were not allowed to pray out loud had worries. They prayed silently instead and continued to ask the Lord for help. But the Lord did not take their burdens away. He made it so that they were stronger and that their burdens were "made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15 from the Book of Mormon). I have been strengthened in some of those things I have turned over to Him. The other things may end up taking a little longer...I've never been much of a patient person. I do pray every day that something will open up and I will be able to get a decent job at a company I enjoy, doing work that I am excited about it. I just don't think that position is ready yet, hence the whole meaning behind this post.

My point is, even when you have turned everything over to God and done your best to get through yet another day of disappointments without crying I firmly believe there are just times when you have to vent and get it all out of your system so your eyes are clear and your head is not stuffed with negative thoughts. It's so you CAN keep trusting in Him, keep going forward, and not be depressed about how everything just...well, just sucks. For me, that day is today. Thanks for hearing me out on this.