Thursday, March 24
Update
I went to the dentist yesterday and was told that some cement that was used to place my temporary crown had not been cleaned off so that was why my gums and tongue and mouth hurt so bad. The assistant cleaned out the cement and got some pretty big pieces out of there. Then she filed down the edges of the temporary crown so it wouldn't rub against my tongue anymore. I think I was there for all about ten minutes, but the relief was almost immediate. The swelling has gone down 90% and my mouth and ear doesn't hurt anymore. There is a blister on the back of my tongue where it was rubbing on the crown, but now that will be able to heal. I feel so much better now. I told her she was "a miracle worker amongst dental people". I don't know what exactly I was saying other than THANK YOU!! Such relief!
Tuesday, March 22
My Recent Adventure
I've been quite busy these past few weeks. I've had a lot of things to do, and a good amount of energy in which to do them, thankfully. A little while ago I broke my tooth whilst sampling the new Fiesta Starbursts. They were yummy. While we were trying them I bit down on one and heard this very faint click. I pulled out the Starburst to find a perfectly preserved portion of my tooth embedded right in the Starburst. The good thing is that I had a root canal done on the tooth over 18 years ago, so there wasn't any pain. The bad news was that I was going to have to go to the dentist and get it repaired. I don't do so well with dentists.
So, I went and had a dentist look at it and he said that he could save the tooth, but that it definitely needed to have a crown put on it. I went in on Thursday of last week to have my tooth prepped for the crown. They told me it would be about an hour and a half in the chair. I was there for two and a half hours. I don't know if it was because they were busy or because my tooth was pretty bad. They pulled out the old filling, cleaned out the decay that was in there, refilled it with a new filling, and then fit me for a temporary crown. I had a few shots of the numbing liquid so I wouldn't feel anything, but then about half way through the procedure I needed to get another shot since I could start to feel things a little. I told him I didn't need it, but he said that he had to do it. Bummer. I think the shots are the worst part.
After I left the office I was shaking all over, like I was really cold deep down and just couldn't get warm. That lasted for a couple of days and I really think it was just my body trying to defend itself from the terror that was the dentists office. The dentist and the assistants were extremely nice and I felt very comfortable around them. I just don't like people poking around in my mouth with sharp objects and painful procedures that I know are going to hurt later. And on top of that I've noticed lately that it takes me almost twice as long to recover from things that would normally take less. That's actually something new I've noticed this year.
Anyway, my mouth hurt pretty bad once I got home and it became especially painful for me to talk or swallow or move my mouth at all, so I ended up taking Tylenol a couple of times that evening and calling it a day. The next day I took some when I woke up, but the pain seemed significantly better, so I thought things were healing nicely. However, a couple of days after my appointment my mouth hurt really bad and I tried to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from. Was it the tooth? Was it my cheek? Was it the gums or my tongue? Where? I figured out that I had a blister under my tongue where the suction tube was resting for lengthy periods of time while they worked on my tooth. I figured that would just take time to go away, but the outside edge of my tongue was extremely sensitive and the gums along my tooth line next to my cheek were really swollen. I thought maybe it was a delayed reaction to the work on my tooth so I took some more Tylenol and just tried to rest my mouth to see if that made it better.
Let's just skip forward to today where I am putting Oral Gel on my gums and cheek and tongue every four hours and trying not to move my mouth at all. It is so painful, and so swollen, and now the gums, tongue, and cheek all have little white spots on them around that area, and my right ear hurts as well. I don't know if the white spots are little blisters or infection or something, but I called my dentist's office today to ask him about it. I normally would try and give it some more time, but the swelling has spread to the whole lower half of my jaw and is starting to affect my bottom front teeth. Not only that, but it is still incredibly painful. I haven't eaten on that side of my mouth since I first broke my tooth, I brush my teeth every day and rinse with the Crest Pro Health rinse. I drink water to keep my mouth hydrated, and I am really trying to create a healing environment in my mouth. The blister under my tongue is getting better, but this other stuff just keeps getting worse. The secretary at the dentists office said it was something she wanted me to come in and have the dentist look at, but he wasn't in the office today so I have an appointment tomorrow at noon. I hope it's nothing serious, though I don't think I would be surprised if it turned out to be. That's just the way things are going for me, so I'm not going to freak myself out or worry about it until I know. I really don't think it's a root canal since I already had that done on my tooth, and it doesn't hurt like pain from a nerve. It's this swelling and irritation and white spots and ear pain that have me concerned. We'll see tomorrow. I hate the thought of going back in, but something must be done to relieve this swelling and irritation.
So, I went and had a dentist look at it and he said that he could save the tooth, but that it definitely needed to have a crown put on it. I went in on Thursday of last week to have my tooth prepped for the crown. They told me it would be about an hour and a half in the chair. I was there for two and a half hours. I don't know if it was because they were busy or because my tooth was pretty bad. They pulled out the old filling, cleaned out the decay that was in there, refilled it with a new filling, and then fit me for a temporary crown. I had a few shots of the numbing liquid so I wouldn't feel anything, but then about half way through the procedure I needed to get another shot since I could start to feel things a little. I told him I didn't need it, but he said that he had to do it. Bummer. I think the shots are the worst part.
After I left the office I was shaking all over, like I was really cold deep down and just couldn't get warm. That lasted for a couple of days and I really think it was just my body trying to defend itself from the terror that was the dentists office. The dentist and the assistants were extremely nice and I felt very comfortable around them. I just don't like people poking around in my mouth with sharp objects and painful procedures that I know are going to hurt later. And on top of that I've noticed lately that it takes me almost twice as long to recover from things that would normally take less. That's actually something new I've noticed this year.
Anyway, my mouth hurt pretty bad once I got home and it became especially painful for me to talk or swallow or move my mouth at all, so I ended up taking Tylenol a couple of times that evening and calling it a day. The next day I took some when I woke up, but the pain seemed significantly better, so I thought things were healing nicely. However, a couple of days after my appointment my mouth hurt really bad and I tried to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from. Was it the tooth? Was it my cheek? Was it the gums or my tongue? Where? I figured out that I had a blister under my tongue where the suction tube was resting for lengthy periods of time while they worked on my tooth. I figured that would just take time to go away, but the outside edge of my tongue was extremely sensitive and the gums along my tooth line next to my cheek were really swollen. I thought maybe it was a delayed reaction to the work on my tooth so I took some more Tylenol and just tried to rest my mouth to see if that made it better.
Let's just skip forward to today where I am putting Oral Gel on my gums and cheek and tongue every four hours and trying not to move my mouth at all. It is so painful, and so swollen, and now the gums, tongue, and cheek all have little white spots on them around that area, and my right ear hurts as well. I don't know if the white spots are little blisters or infection or something, but I called my dentist's office today to ask him about it. I normally would try and give it some more time, but the swelling has spread to the whole lower half of my jaw and is starting to affect my bottom front teeth. Not only that, but it is still incredibly painful. I haven't eaten on that side of my mouth since I first broke my tooth, I brush my teeth every day and rinse with the Crest Pro Health rinse. I drink water to keep my mouth hydrated, and I am really trying to create a healing environment in my mouth. The blister under my tongue is getting better, but this other stuff just keeps getting worse. The secretary at the dentists office said it was something she wanted me to come in and have the dentist look at, but he wasn't in the office today so I have an appointment tomorrow at noon. I hope it's nothing serious, though I don't think I would be surprised if it turned out to be. That's just the way things are going for me, so I'm not going to freak myself out or worry about it until I know. I really don't think it's a root canal since I already had that done on my tooth, and it doesn't hurt like pain from a nerve. It's this swelling and irritation and white spots and ear pain that have me concerned. We'll see tomorrow. I hate the thought of going back in, but something must be done to relieve this swelling and irritation.
Thursday, March 10
Driving
Today I had to take an unexpected trip to Boulder, Colorado. Have you ever been there? Some of you have, but others may not have. I personally do not like Boulder. It is incredibly difficult to get anywhere, to park anywhere, or to find anything...at least for me it is. They have cross walks in the middle of the road that flash when someone is crossing the street, and then 25 feet further down the road they have a stoplight. Why people can't cross the street at the stoplight is beyond me. I think I stopped five separate times for people to cross the street and another five times a few seconds after those at stoplights. The word that comes to my mind is "excessive".
Driving through Boulder gave me plenty of time to think and people watch. There are so many people in Boulder, and the variety of people is so broad that you never know quite what to expect. I saw a homeless man on the corner of one of the main streets who looked tired, holding up a used cardboard sign, and appeared to have been wearing the same clothes for days. My heart always goes out to homeless people. If we all only knew how close to being homeless each of us were than maybe we wouldn't look down on them in disgust, or try to ignore them while we are waiting for the light to change. Believe me, I am not preaching by any means. I do my best to help the homeless in my own way, I'm just trying to get us thinking about how we treat those less fortunate than us. At any rate, this homeless man saw a car that was broken down, and he didn't hesitate to run over and help the driver push his car to the side of the road. Before the light changed and I drove away I saw him signal for the guy to pop the hood so he could take a look at the engine.
I saw another lady saunter across the road while at a stoplight. That's something else I noticed about Boulder. There aren't a lot of people in a hurry. Pedestrians know they have the right away and they are confident that nothing will happen to them. This lady was wearing a long sleeved sweater with the shortest running shorts I have ever seen. She had on a backpack with a ragged stuffed animal on the end of a small key chain attached to the side. It looked like it had seen better days, but I wondered how many memories she associated with that little animal. She had on a pair of running shoes and another pair tied to the backpack. She looked like she had all the time in the world as she causally made her way across the street.
Two blocks further I reached the business district where suits and ties were almost required attire. Men with blue shirts and white cuffs, red ties and black slacks casually conversed while walking to or from a building. Women in knee length skirts, pastel blouses and high heels happily chatted away with each other, and I stopped for all of them. In the middle of all the business people was a little family with two strollers and wearing sweats. It looked like they were coming from the park right across the street. I couldn't see any children but I could tell by the way they protected the strollers that they contained precious cargo. The woman looked tired, but happy; the man the same.
It was almost overload for me. I had to constantly keep my eye out for people and make sure I stopped at the cross walks when the light flashed. I had to constantly check for cars to make sure I didn't hit anyone and no one hit me, and I had to make sure I was in the right lane so I wouldn't miss my turns and have to travel back through the streets before I could catch the one I wanted again. Like I said before, it's not very easy getting around Boulder...at least not for me. I had music on in the car that I hadn't heard in such a long time and brought back so many memories. I wanted to sing along with it, but I didn't dare give it my full attention. I tried to sing a little, but I decided it was best for me to be the silent observer. I noticed that I was tense as I drove through the city, which is kind of unlike me. Driving relaxes me and calms me down. Once I hit the highway out of Boulder, though, I began to loosen my grip on the steering wheel and relax more.
I enjoy people watching, both in and out of the car, and it was a little trip that took me out of my own little world and helped me to peek into another. I wasn't in Boulder for very long, less than an hour really, but it was interesting what I saw and what I noticed while driving.
Driving through Boulder gave me plenty of time to think and people watch. There are so many people in Boulder, and the variety of people is so broad that you never know quite what to expect. I saw a homeless man on the corner of one of the main streets who looked tired, holding up a used cardboard sign, and appeared to have been wearing the same clothes for days. My heart always goes out to homeless people. If we all only knew how close to being homeless each of us were than maybe we wouldn't look down on them in disgust, or try to ignore them while we are waiting for the light to change. Believe me, I am not preaching by any means. I do my best to help the homeless in my own way, I'm just trying to get us thinking about how we treat those less fortunate than us. At any rate, this homeless man saw a car that was broken down, and he didn't hesitate to run over and help the driver push his car to the side of the road. Before the light changed and I drove away I saw him signal for the guy to pop the hood so he could take a look at the engine.
I saw another lady saunter across the road while at a stoplight. That's something else I noticed about Boulder. There aren't a lot of people in a hurry. Pedestrians know they have the right away and they are confident that nothing will happen to them. This lady was wearing a long sleeved sweater with the shortest running shorts I have ever seen. She had on a backpack with a ragged stuffed animal on the end of a small key chain attached to the side. It looked like it had seen better days, but I wondered how many memories she associated with that little animal. She had on a pair of running shoes and another pair tied to the backpack. She looked like she had all the time in the world as she causally made her way across the street.
Two blocks further I reached the business district where suits and ties were almost required attire. Men with blue shirts and white cuffs, red ties and black slacks casually conversed while walking to or from a building. Women in knee length skirts, pastel blouses and high heels happily chatted away with each other, and I stopped for all of them. In the middle of all the business people was a little family with two strollers and wearing sweats. It looked like they were coming from the park right across the street. I couldn't see any children but I could tell by the way they protected the strollers that they contained precious cargo. The woman looked tired, but happy; the man the same.
It was almost overload for me. I had to constantly keep my eye out for people and make sure I stopped at the cross walks when the light flashed. I had to constantly check for cars to make sure I didn't hit anyone and no one hit me, and I had to make sure I was in the right lane so I wouldn't miss my turns and have to travel back through the streets before I could catch the one I wanted again. Like I said before, it's not very easy getting around Boulder...at least not for me. I had music on in the car that I hadn't heard in such a long time and brought back so many memories. I wanted to sing along with it, but I didn't dare give it my full attention. I tried to sing a little, but I decided it was best for me to be the silent observer. I noticed that I was tense as I drove through the city, which is kind of unlike me. Driving relaxes me and calms me down. Once I hit the highway out of Boulder, though, I began to loosen my grip on the steering wheel and relax more.
I enjoy people watching, both in and out of the car, and it was a little trip that took me out of my own little world and helped me to peek into another. I wasn't in Boulder for very long, less than an hour really, but it was interesting what I saw and what I noticed while driving.
Monday, February 28
Learning to be at Peace
On Saturday I had a really good day. I mean, really good day. I woke up feeling great. There was no pain, no fatigue, no sickness, and no worries. It was wonderful. I woke up early, took my medicine and played around on the computer for about an hour. Then my husband and I started to clean up the house and do some chores that had been put off for a while. I was energetic and happy. My husband even said, albeit jokingly, "I don't like it when you are feeling good because you make me work!" I cleaned and cooked and baked. I made mini apple pies in 4oz kerr jars and a big old homemade cherry pie for my wonderful husband. It was a great day and I went to bed that night feeling tired, but in a good way, and hopeful for another day just like it on Sunday.
Sunday morning I woke up with a migraine that didn't go away until about 11:00 at night. So much for my hopes of having another happy productive day. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I am always devastated. When these exceptionally good days come around, days where I truly feel like my old self again and that things are finally starting to get back to normal, I begin to think that I'm healed and that the road to recovery is finally over. Relief sweeps through me and I start to focus on getting back into life again. Then the next day arrives and it all comes crashing down. It's not very fun, this peak and valley sort of life, but I've noticed how things have changed in my perspective.
I've realized that these days are few and far between and that, while they are so fantastic to have when they do come around, I don't depend on them for my happiness, or sanity for that matter. I know they aren't going to happen over and over again. For some reason, it's just not the time yet. I'm not fully there yet. I have high hopes that one day I will be there, but for now I know they aren't going to happen as frequently as I want them to. And that's fine. If that's how it's supposed to happen for me, than so be it. However, I make sure I take advantage of those days when they do come and I don't just waste them, because I know how precious they are.
I am learning how to be at peace with the person I am now, and that has been one heck of a hard lesson. I don't think I'm fully there yet, but I have made significant progress. I'm nothing like I used to be, and where saying that before has caused me great pain, I know I am handling it better because now when I say it there isn't any pain. There's a little sadness, but not any pain. I find that I am looking for ways to make my situation better, but for now whatever I am doing appears to be the right thing for me to do, no matter how slow I feel it is taking.
I've been saying over and over again that one of the things I have learned while going through these health troubles is that I should not compare myself to other people. I've stopped saying things like, "I know there are other people who are far worse than I am..." or, "I know someone who has bigger health issues than me, so who am I to complain?", or, "I know someone who has more serious health issues than I do but that person is still working". I've learned that everyone goes through things differently, even if they are the same situation. I am not worse or better than anyone else. I am just me, and it has taken me almost two years to get to the point where I am now; to recognizing that I am still learning how to be at peace with the person I am now and my current situation. Don't take for granted what you have right now because everything could change in an instant. I hope you can learn to be at peace with who you are, if even for just a minute, and be grateful for all you have, and all you have been through. I know I am.
Sunday morning I woke up with a migraine that didn't go away until about 11:00 at night. So much for my hopes of having another happy productive day. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I am always devastated. When these exceptionally good days come around, days where I truly feel like my old self again and that things are finally starting to get back to normal, I begin to think that I'm healed and that the road to recovery is finally over. Relief sweeps through me and I start to focus on getting back into life again. Then the next day arrives and it all comes crashing down. It's not very fun, this peak and valley sort of life, but I've noticed how things have changed in my perspective.
I've realized that these days are few and far between and that, while they are so fantastic to have when they do come around, I don't depend on them for my happiness, or sanity for that matter. I know they aren't going to happen over and over again. For some reason, it's just not the time yet. I'm not fully there yet. I have high hopes that one day I will be there, but for now I know they aren't going to happen as frequently as I want them to. And that's fine. If that's how it's supposed to happen for me, than so be it. However, I make sure I take advantage of those days when they do come and I don't just waste them, because I know how precious they are.
I am learning how to be at peace with the person I am now, and that has been one heck of a hard lesson. I don't think I'm fully there yet, but I have made significant progress. I'm nothing like I used to be, and where saying that before has caused me great pain, I know I am handling it better because now when I say it there isn't any pain. There's a little sadness, but not any pain. I find that I am looking for ways to make my situation better, but for now whatever I am doing appears to be the right thing for me to do, no matter how slow I feel it is taking.
I've been saying over and over again that one of the things I have learned while going through these health troubles is that I should not compare myself to other people. I've stopped saying things like, "I know there are other people who are far worse than I am..." or, "I know someone who has bigger health issues than me, so who am I to complain?", or, "I know someone who has more serious health issues than I do but that person is still working". I've learned that everyone goes through things differently, even if they are the same situation. I am not worse or better than anyone else. I am just me, and it has taken me almost two years to get to the point where I am now; to recognizing that I am still learning how to be at peace with the person I am now and my current situation. Don't take for granted what you have right now because everything could change in an instant. I hope you can learn to be at peace with who you are, if even for just a minute, and be grateful for all you have, and all you have been through. I know I am.
Thursday, February 17
Remembering and Dealing
Remember when you were a kid and the toughest thing in the world was when you and your best friend got into a fight?
Or when you were playing in school and someone touched you and gave you the "cooties"?
Remember when you had your first crush?
And then your first heartache?
Remember when the only things you needed to feel better were a big hug...
...and maybe some freshly baked cookies.
Remember when your friends were your lifeline,
pets were always there for you,
and lying on the floor was the only way to watch cartoons?
Remember when you were truly, honestly, hopelessly happy?
Today I longed for those times. I longed to be free of the stress, the worry, the pain, and the fatigue. It seems I've been going through this trial for a long, long time and the past few days have been tough. Today I just needed a hug. And I got one. Actually I got three.
From three of my brothers.
It was exactly what I needed.
Now if only I can get some freshly baked cookies... :)
Or when you were playing in school and someone touched you and gave you the "cooties"?
Remember when you had your first crush?
And then your first heartache?
Remember when the only things you needed to feel better were a big hug...
...and maybe some freshly baked cookies.
Remember when your friends were your lifeline,
pets were always there for you,
and lying on the floor was the only way to watch cartoons?
Remember when you were truly, honestly, hopelessly happy?
Today I longed for those times. I longed to be free of the stress, the worry, the pain, and the fatigue. It seems I've been going through this trial for a long, long time and the past few days have been tough. Today I just needed a hug. And I got one. Actually I got three.
From three of my brothers.
It was exactly what I needed.
Now if only I can get some freshly baked cookies... :)
Tuesday, February 15
No Control
Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and I was so excited to celebrate that day with my husband. He has been so busy with school and work and church, that it's been hard to have some one-on-one time with him. We went to bed Sunday night talking about how nice it was going to be just spending some time with each other, even though it was just for one evening. I had planned on making some homemade lasagna, with salad and garlic bread and sparkling cider to drink. I was also planning on making some cute treats to have afterward and was really looking forward to snuggling up next to him just talking or watching a movie. Ah, it sounds so nice.
However, Monday morning I woke up with such a bad kink in my neck and felt miserable. I could only move my neck one way and I had to move my entire upper back to even look anywhere else. It was not good. As I was saying good-bye to my husband yesterday morning on his way to work I told him I felt so bad that we probably wouldn't be able to celebrate Valentine's day because of the severe pain in my neck. I needed to go to the store to pick up the items for dinner, I needed to clean up my house, and I needed to prepare everything. But you can't really do that with a kink in your neck, now can you? He just laughed and told me not to worry about it. I was frustrated and sad because I had no control over the situation and it seemed like all my plans were falling through again. It bugs me when I try to plan something and then I get sick or have some totally weird pain come through and I can't do what I planned to do. Then I thought about all the holidays that we had spent together and how we spent more time celebrating them on days other than the actual holiday due to stuff just like this. I realized that this is becoming the norm for us.
Oh, well. At least we are still able to celebrate it on whatever day we feel up to it. I love how easy going my husband is, and how he doesn't ever seem to get upset when crap like this happens. He is wonderful. I, on the other hand,...well, I just have some issues. :)
However, Monday morning I woke up with such a bad kink in my neck and felt miserable. I could only move my neck one way and I had to move my entire upper back to even look anywhere else. It was not good. As I was saying good-bye to my husband yesterday morning on his way to work I told him I felt so bad that we probably wouldn't be able to celebrate Valentine's day because of the severe pain in my neck. I needed to go to the store to pick up the items for dinner, I needed to clean up my house, and I needed to prepare everything. But you can't really do that with a kink in your neck, now can you? He just laughed and told me not to worry about it. I was frustrated and sad because I had no control over the situation and it seemed like all my plans were falling through again. It bugs me when I try to plan something and then I get sick or have some totally weird pain come through and I can't do what I planned to do. Then I thought about all the holidays that we had spent together and how we spent more time celebrating them on days other than the actual holiday due to stuff just like this. I realized that this is becoming the norm for us.
Oh, well. At least we are still able to celebrate it on whatever day we feel up to it. I love how easy going my husband is, and how he doesn't ever seem to get upset when crap like this happens. He is wonderful. I, on the other hand,...well, I just have some issues. :)
Monday, February 7
A Curse
This weekend has been crazy busy, and I am plum burned out. This almost overwhelming exhaustion doesn't even come from anything fun, really, just plain old fashioned hard work that fatigued me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open now. I didn't even watch the super bowl, and I'm a Packers fan. Eh, not much I could do. There was this deadline and a lot of work that had to be done, so sacrifices had to be made. I'm glad it's over because now I can rest.
My throat is still acting up and my tonsil is still swollen and I don't really have a voice because it sounds like I have been cheering at a football game or something...which I haven't. We've already gone over that. I honestly don't know what is happening in the back of my throat there. It's been well over a month since I was first told I had strep, and I've already gone through two rounds of antibiotics. The worrier in me is concerned that the remaining thyroid cancer in me has now comfortably settled into my left tonsil and has decided to make itself a nest. I'm also concerned that it might be something more involved than that, say, throat cancer, and I can't seem to get that out of my head. I'm sure it isn't. It probably isn't. Could it be? I don't know when I'll be able to go to the doctor for it since insurance and funds are severely limited right now, so I'm just trying to keep an eye on it, or at least have my husband since I can't really see it on my own. It's a swollen tonsil that is red and scratchy and hurts. It just sits there teasing me with it's enlargement, crowding my uvula, and making me nervous. Curse you tonsil. Curse you.
My throat is still acting up and my tonsil is still swollen and I don't really have a voice because it sounds like I have been cheering at a football game or something...which I haven't. We've already gone over that. I honestly don't know what is happening in the back of my throat there. It's been well over a month since I was first told I had strep, and I've already gone through two rounds of antibiotics. The worrier in me is concerned that the remaining thyroid cancer in me has now comfortably settled into my left tonsil and has decided to make itself a nest. I'm also concerned that it might be something more involved than that, say, throat cancer, and I can't seem to get that out of my head. I'm sure it isn't. It probably isn't. Could it be? I don't know when I'll be able to go to the doctor for it since insurance and funds are severely limited right now, so I'm just trying to keep an eye on it, or at least have my husband since I can't really see it on my own. It's a swollen tonsil that is red and scratchy and hurts. It just sits there teasing me with it's enlargement, crowding my uvula, and making me nervous. Curse you tonsil. Curse you.
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