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Ode to 4:30

At different times in my life my friends and I would make up various "Ode's" as the situation warranted. Let's see, there was "Ode to Roller Hockey", and "Ode to Scott", and even an "Ode to a Bad Day". We created said "Ode's" in honor of the specific subject that we loved, wanted, or were genuinely frustrated at. It makes perfect sense, then, that I should add to the list of "Ode's" with this one here. Dim the lights please. I am about to take the stage.

Ode to 4:30

Darkness abounds as you beckon my name
Bringing me quickly out of my sleep.
You don't want to fight, argue, wrestle, or play
But instead from my rest, you do keep.

I stumble and stagger and crawl from my bed
Groping the wall on my way
I somehow impossibly get to the couch
Where the next few hours I stay.

My stomach churns, my head spins around
And pain is all I feel.
When will we stop meeting like this?
I need some time to heal.

Oh, dear 4:30 you call much too much
And our friendship has started to wane.
I wouldn't be sad if you left me alone
And never called me again.

Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate the applause. Why, yes, I have dabbled a bit in poetry before, thanks for asking. :) Anyway, I really would be happy if 4:30 would leave me alone for a while. In fact, it's safe to say that I would not be offended if 4:30 never wanted to speak to me again. My feelings would not be hurt in the least bit. One can only hope, I suppose. Until then, I'm afraid 4:30 and I are going to get close. Ugh!

"My arm keeps on twitching, twitching, twitching...into the future!"

It's been about two weeks and things have slowly gotten better. I am feeling better, my muscles are gaining their strength back and the barrage of medicine I am on every day is actually making me feel more like my old self. It's so great. I love that moment when you can actually breathe a sigh of relief because things are getting back to normal and you are feeling better. You can smile and feel truly happy because you feel good and don't have to struggle through the day trying to just get by. It's nice...real nice.

So you might be wondering about the title to this post and how it came about. Well, for the past hour and a half my upper arm has been twitching vigorously and nothing seems to settle it down. It's annoying now, but at first I thought it was funny. I just thought it would be an eye-catching title for a post.

James and I bought a new chest freezer this past weekend when Lowe's was having its appliance sale. It will provide some much needed freezer storage space for us to be able to stock up on vegetables, fruits, meat, and other items that rarely (if ever) fit into our little freezer in the top part of our fridge. James is so excited about it. There is so much room! Chest freezers are totally overlooked and completely under appreciated. We got ours at a very reasonable price and there is just so much room in there. It will be nice to have the space to store our items in there and have room to spare.

That's about it. I hope everyone is doing well in their own lives and is happy or at least trying to be. :)

*Update: I failed to include a picture of the freezer when I first published this post. My apologies. Here is a picture of the freezer that we purchased.

"How are you feeling?"

I've come to not really like that question these days as I have not been feeling well at all. And I find that if it isn't one thing it's another, and just as I start to feel a small bit like my old self again, I find I am struck down once more by something new. For instance, the last couple of weeks I have had unbelievably painful migraines practically every day. After speaking to my doctors we found it was due to a sensitivity of the food dye on the medicine I take each day for my thyroid. As a result I had to go from taking one pill a day to three and a half pills a day, but at least I am no longer suffering from the daily horrific migraines. But just as I start to get over that I get something else. My left eye has become really red on the inside and nothing I do seems to make it any better. And some days I feel like I have been struck by lightening with sporadic painful misfiring of the nerves all over my body, and others I feel like I have been stoned... in the biblical sense, not the drugged kind. So when people start to ask me how I am feeling I am torn between saying something vague like "Oh, I'm hanging in there" or going into some real detail such as "Well, if you have about twenty minutes I can tell you how I am really feeling today only to have it all change four hours from now when I could be doing much better or much worse".

Having thyroid cancer sucks.

Mean People

I'm getting tired. Tired of people who say and do really mean things with no thought or care or concern for anyone else. These people are so hung up on their own fears and insecurities that it is projected outward in the comments they make to, and about, others. It frustrates me most of the time, and I do my best to just vent my own opinions of those certain individuals to my husband, knowing that he will listen to me with an open mind and an open heart, and more often than not, he'll agree with what I am saying, which only serves to validate my frustrations even more.

However, the people I am most frustrated with are people that I actually know who verbally make such comments with no thought about how it sounds, or makes other people feel. My biggest pet peeve are those people I know who project their fears onto their children. I think it is a fine thing to expect the best from their children, to hope and pray they turn out well and achieve a high level of success or accomplish whatever it is that their parents weren't able to accomplish. Listen, I'm right there with you. If I had children I would want them to do everything they could, to be the best they could be, and to know they are loved no matter what. But just because I am afraid of drowning doesn't mean that I am going to keep my kids away from the water. It's not just about the physical fears, but also the completely irrational fears that bug me the most.

I know of a couple people who are afraid their children are going to grow up and be ugly. What kind of a fear is that? How are you teaching your children about self esteem and self worth when you tell everyone and their mom how your kids were ugly as babies but hope they'll grow out of it? That's awful! I know of some other people who are deathly afraid their children will grow up and be obese. How are you teaching your children about healthy eating habits and exercise when they hear over and over again about how chubby they are, or how "thick" their arms and legs are? Can you imagine how they must feel when you say those things to their face and behind their back?

I have news for you parents out there who are hoping your children will grow up big and strong and perfect. Don't say things behind their backs, or things to other people that they might overhear because it will crush them, you hear me? CRUSH them. No wonder society today has such a problem with people having even a shred of self esteem or self confidence. What if the child grows up and is not a super model? What if the child has some sort of disease or growth defect that prevents them from having the perfect nose, or the sculpted cheek bones? What are you going to do then, write them off? Are they going to grow up thinking the only way their parents will think they are beautiful is if they have cosmetic surgery? And what about the child who grows up and is overweight, despite their best efforts? What if they have a disease that prevents them from losing weight? What if, no matter what they do, they just can't get down to that coveted size 2 that mom and dad would love? Are they going to grow up thinking the only way they can be thin is to make themselves sick, or starve themselves to lose weight?

It just angers me that irrational fears are projected on the future leaders of our world. The young, bright minds and bodies and spirits have enough trouble in the world to overcome. They shouldn't be weighed down even more by things their parents are most afraid of. Sometimes, there are just mean people in the world and I feel sorry for their kids.

Brett's Lying Tongue

Most people who know me know that I was a big Brett Favre fan..."was" being the operative word. I used to cheer at the mere mention of his name at anytime during the year. That was back when he was still playing football for the love of the game, and honestly leading his team in unity and teamwork. Now, the tables have turned and one of my favorite people have really let me down. I'm so disgusted with the way he flaunts his "celebrity" status around to get whatever he wants. You want a true story of revenge? Follow any of the recent news stories about this man and you'll see what I mean. He is only out to seek revenge on the Green Bay Packers for signing Aaron Rodgers and not him. I found this really great article from Mark Kriegel at FOXSports.com about Brett and his lies. Well said, Mark. Well said.

http://www.comcast.net/articles/sports-nfl/20090819/Kriegel.Vick/

"Three is a magical number"

Today was a really weird day at work. My morning was really productive, and I was in a pretty good mood, but my boss wasn't so much, a couple of people were out, and so it kind of made for a stressful morning. It also didn't help much that I had to run to a doctor's appointment over my lunch break. My boss had asked me to remind her about it in the morning, and when I did she kind of got frustrated. I didn't know what to do so I ended up just looking at her while she kind of had a little fit and then she realized that I was still standing there looking at her, so she stopped. I know it had nothing to do with me, per se, I was just the last straw apparently. No harm done, really, but I honestly tried to race back from my doctor's appointment to get back to work. Then I had a really productive afternoon, and now I am tired. :) Such is the way my days usually end up...except not the boss being upset bit. :)

However, today is James' and my three year wedding anniversary and I couldn't be happier about that. He is the butter to my toast and the breath to my life. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He makes me laugh every day, makes me feel better about myself, and loves me unconditionally. I love every piece of him and I can't imagine not being married to such a wonderful man. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and every day I wake up wondering what I did to deserve to not only know someone like him, but to be married to him. I love him with all my heart and soul and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.