Monday, May 26, was Memorial day. It was also my birthday.
It happens like that every few years or so. I never really gave the shared days much pondering. I would remember those who had died for our country and celebrate my birthday all on the same day. There was usually some sort of celebration and my own quiet thoughts and prayers of thanks for those who had made the ultimate sacrifice. I will admit that I didn't spend too much time truly pondering what the day meant because, I am embarrassed to admit, I was too busy having a good time celebrating my birthday.
This year it was different.
I've noticed a trend lately that has me quite bothered. This trend involves most any holiday that focuses on one single group of people. It could be Mother's day, Veterans day, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Lent, Father's day, or Memorial day. There may be one or two that I have forgotten but you get the idea. I've noticed that instead of celebrating or honoring the people who the holiday is for, a lot of people tend to include everyone else so as not to make others feel bad or left out.
For example, on Mother's day I had several people wish me a happy Mother's day. I am not a mother. I don't have any children - biological, adopted, or otherwise. I am perfectly fine with this and feel no sorrow or sadness or jealousy for actual mothers getting a day all to themselves. This is not the first year this has happened. It happens practically every year. For the past couple of years I would say something to one person about how I'm not a mother and it would almost immediately be followed up with "Oh, but you're a mother to so many! Look at all your brothers and sisters, your nieces and nephews, any children you help take care of. You are a mother-like figure to all of them!" I didn't quite know how to respond to that so I would just smile and be on my way. However, I decided that enough was enough and this year when anyone wished me a happy Mother's day I started to tell them I wasn't a mother but then stopped. I began telling people that Mother's day is for the mothers of the world and that I did not feel left out or upset in any way that I was not included in that group. I told them I was happy to have a day to celebrate how hard mothers work and how much they do for their children. I told them to let the actual mothers have their day of celebration and to stop wishing every woman they see a happy Mother's day. Reading that last sentence over again makes me sound like a jerk. I promise you I said it in much nicer tones and probably better words.
Memorial day is no exception to this influx of making sure everyone is included. I saw numerous posts on Facebook wishing everyone a happy Memorial day. At first I was confused. This isn't a holiday to wish someone a happy day. Perhaps you could make the argument that they are simply wishing people happy memories of those they have lost. Perhaps, but I doubt it. I also saw numerous posts thanking those people who had sacrificed their lives for our freedom as well as those who continue to serve. Let me clear something up. Memorial day is a day of remembrance for those men and women who have died fighting for our country. It is for us to remember why we are a free country in the first place. It is one day of the year that we can focus our thoughts and gratitude on the people who have willing given up their lives. Their blood is in our soil and we need to take that day to remember what they did for us. Veterans day is a day set aside for us to thank those who have served, and those who continue to serve, our country. That is a day to thank those men and women who are still sacrificing their time and energy and safety to keep us free, as well as those who have served in the military and are still alive.
I took some time to ponder my birthday and Memorial day this year. I realized that every year I get to celebrate my birth into a free country, with all the blessing and freedoms that I enjoy to this very second because of those who have given their life to keep our country safe. It was an interesting juxtaposition: a day to remember those who had died on a day meant to celebrate my own life. I am so grateful for those men and women who willing stepped into the line of fire to defend our country. I am forever thankful that they bravely and courageously offered to protect the freedoms we have today. I can't imagine the effect their sacrifice has had on their families and friends but I cannot seem to put into words my sincerest gratitude and love for each one of those men and women. I am able to celebrate my birth into a free country on the same day we all remember them and what they have done. Don't take that day for granted, and please don't generalize it to include everyone.
Wednesday, May 28
Tuesday, May 13
How I Am Now
Again, I apologize for the lengthy delay in making a new post. Life just...happens, and before I know it, it's been about seven months since I last posted anything. I like to read blogs from people who have experienced the same things I have, and it always causes me concern when they say they are going to keep updating everyone on how they are doing but they don't. I think I have become that person about three or four times now. So, let me give you an update on my health and life.
The surgery was about eight months ago and things are healing well. My scar is not as noticeable, well at least not to me. I still see people try and sneak peeks at it while they talk to me. I don't mind. I thought children would be the ones to look and point and ask questions, but honestly it's been the adults. That surprised me. No one has been mean or rude to me or made fun of my scar or anything, but it's always surprising to me to meet someone for the first time and have them look me in the eyes, then stare at my neck. It's kind of funny, actually. It doesn't bother me at all. I know what I've had to go through to get that scar and I'm grateful that I'm on the healing end of it now.
My neck is sore and tight quite often. There isn't a move I make with my neck that I don't feel muscles protesting and nerves reminding me where they are. It's not extremely painful, but it can be bothersome. I don't like things touching my neck because it feels weird, so I don't wear necklaces anymore. Perhaps some day I will, but for now I don't. I also have a very sensitive spot just below my collar bone on the right side. I can't even tough it without it sending some serious nerve pain down my body. I try and keep anything off of it, so I can often be found pulling at the neckline of my shirts to try and adjust it so it isn't touching that spot. My doctor said a lot of people complain about that sensitive spot. I'm not worried about it, and there isn't anything that can be done about it, but I just find it interesting.
I'm still extremely tired. I thought that would get better, but it hasn't and I'm trying to deal with this new normal for me. I try and plan things for after a certain time in the morning, and before a certain time in the afternoon. These times work the best for me so that I'm able to get the rest I need, and if I do have a busy day then I have the late afternoon and early evening to rest. This isn't a "I didn't sleep so well last night" kind of tired. This is a whole new level of tired. Exhaustion is closer, really. I'll be in the middle of a sentence and it'll hit me. This is a "if I don't sleep right now I am going to pass out" kind of tired. There are things I've learned to work around and plan and prepare for. Going to church on Sundays is great, but really exhausting to me so I end up taking a very long nap each Sunday after church. I went to a Family History Fair a few weeks ago and it was really awesome! I was there for five hours helping out and attending a couple of the classes, but then I had to leave because I had exhausted myself. The rest of the day was spent lying down and sleeping. I haven't found a happy medium yet. Yesterday I was feeling alright and so I was able to do a few more things. Today I am wiped out and ended up sleeping until early afternoon, and I still don't feel that great. So, it's a day by day sort of thing. Again, I'm trying to adjust to this new normal for me.
My blood tests are all good and where they need to be. I still have frequent doctor appointments but that's alright because I want to make sure that everything is healing nicely. The scar is healing, my blood levels are good, but the side effects, if you will, are what are hard to get used to. Everyone is different in how they heal from any type of surgery so what I have gone through may not be how someone else goes through the same thing. They may be fine and ready to conquer the world a month after their surgery, or they may take an extra six months to heal properly. Who knows? If any of you are experiencing health issues, I empathize with your situation. It's never easy. If any of you have any questions for me, please ask me in the comments section. Thanks for sticking with me! I'll try and do better going forward.
The surgery was about eight months ago and things are healing well. My scar is not as noticeable, well at least not to me. I still see people try and sneak peeks at it while they talk to me. I don't mind. I thought children would be the ones to look and point and ask questions, but honestly it's been the adults. That surprised me. No one has been mean or rude to me or made fun of my scar or anything, but it's always surprising to me to meet someone for the first time and have them look me in the eyes, then stare at my neck. It's kind of funny, actually. It doesn't bother me at all. I know what I've had to go through to get that scar and I'm grateful that I'm on the healing end of it now.
My neck is sore and tight quite often. There isn't a move I make with my neck that I don't feel muscles protesting and nerves reminding me where they are. It's not extremely painful, but it can be bothersome. I don't like things touching my neck because it feels weird, so I don't wear necklaces anymore. Perhaps some day I will, but for now I don't. I also have a very sensitive spot just below my collar bone on the right side. I can't even tough it without it sending some serious nerve pain down my body. I try and keep anything off of it, so I can often be found pulling at the neckline of my shirts to try and adjust it so it isn't touching that spot. My doctor said a lot of people complain about that sensitive spot. I'm not worried about it, and there isn't anything that can be done about it, but I just find it interesting.
I'm still extremely tired. I thought that would get better, but it hasn't and I'm trying to deal with this new normal for me. I try and plan things for after a certain time in the morning, and before a certain time in the afternoon. These times work the best for me so that I'm able to get the rest I need, and if I do have a busy day then I have the late afternoon and early evening to rest. This isn't a "I didn't sleep so well last night" kind of tired. This is a whole new level of tired. Exhaustion is closer, really. I'll be in the middle of a sentence and it'll hit me. This is a "if I don't sleep right now I am going to pass out" kind of tired. There are things I've learned to work around and plan and prepare for. Going to church on Sundays is great, but really exhausting to me so I end up taking a very long nap each Sunday after church. I went to a Family History Fair a few weeks ago and it was really awesome! I was there for five hours helping out and attending a couple of the classes, but then I had to leave because I had exhausted myself. The rest of the day was spent lying down and sleeping. I haven't found a happy medium yet. Yesterday I was feeling alright and so I was able to do a few more things. Today I am wiped out and ended up sleeping until early afternoon, and I still don't feel that great. So, it's a day by day sort of thing. Again, I'm trying to adjust to this new normal for me.
My blood tests are all good and where they need to be. I still have frequent doctor appointments but that's alright because I want to make sure that everything is healing nicely. The scar is healing, my blood levels are good, but the side effects, if you will, are what are hard to get used to. Everyone is different in how they heal from any type of surgery so what I have gone through may not be how someone else goes through the same thing. They may be fine and ready to conquer the world a month after their surgery, or they may take an extra six months to heal properly. Who knows? If any of you are experiencing health issues, I empathize with your situation. It's never easy. If any of you have any questions for me, please ask me in the comments section. Thanks for sticking with me! I'll try and do better going forward.
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