Metastatic papi- what??

It's been a few days since I last posted, so I thought I would give an update. I'm feeling better and better each day, though my skin is so dry it's ridiculous. I know it hasn't been that moist here in Colorado lately (aside from the past day or so) but I can't seem to keep my skin hydrated. I know this to be a side effect of the thyroid medicine I am on. It's alright. I'm sure it will all work out. My scar is healing nicely and I have just now come to the point where I can turn my head without turning my body. I'm slowly losing my Batman moves and I couldn't be happier about that. My voice, on the other hand...well, that's going to take some time. Don't ask me to sing any time soon, because I just can't and everytime I try I end up hurting my throat. So, as much as I hate to do so, I still need to rest my voice and hope that it all comes back soon enough. It could take months, it could take years. I think that's the first thing people are going to notice about me now. My voice is different. Expect it to sound weird. I can hum a little, and my voice is lower than it used to be, but I can no longer project my voice like I used to. This includes speaking, shouting, yelling, and singing as well. It's interesting to experience. But you know what? I am alright with it. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Now, this could be because I haven't really spoken to anyone much lately and it could all change once I am back at work and talking on a daily basis. Who knows? Just expect my voice to sound funny for a while.

Last Monday James and I went to the doctor and he gave me a copy of the pathology report along with a copy of the operative report. I got to read about what they did to me in the surgery, and it was very interesting. It was a surprise to receive the operative report and I have found myself reading it over and over again. It's just really interesting to read. Anyway, the pathology report is more scary, but still an interesting read. I thought it would be interesting for all of you to see what the final results were. Here is what part of the report said (this is the shortened version, but contains all the important stuff):

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Cancer Case Summary Protocol:
THYROID: Resection

MACROSCOPIC:
Specimin Type: Total Thyroidectomy
Tumor Site: Right lobe, left lobe, and isthmus
Tumor Focality: Multifocal.
Tumor Size: Largest nodule is 1.4 cm.

MICROSCOPIC:
Histologic Type: Papillary carcinoma

Pathologic Staging (pTNM):
Primary Tumor (pT) - pT3: Tumor less than 4 cm, but showing minimal extrathyroidal extension (perithyroid soft tissues).
Regional Lymph Nodes (pN) - pN1b: Metastases to bilateral cervical lymph nodes.
Number examined: 21
Number involved: 14
Distant Metastasis (pM): - pMX: Cannot be assessed
Margins: Tumor abuts the inked anterior aspect of the resection.
Venous/Lymphatic (Large/Small Vessell) Invasion (V/L) Present

FINAL DIAGNOSIS:
1. Pretracheal lymph node: Metastatic Papillary Carcinoma
2. Total Tyroidectomy: Multifocal papillary carcinoma (Largest lesion 1.4 cm) extending beyond thyroid capsule, and encroaching inked surgical margin multifocally.
3. Central Neck Compartment, right aspect: Metastatic Papillary Carcinoma in nine of ten lymph nodes.
4. Left aspect of central neck compartment: Metastatic carcinoma in four of ten lymph nodes, normocellular parathyroid tissue noted.

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How many times did you count the words "metastatic" and "carcinoma"? Yeah, me too. That's a lot, huh? I go to my endocrinologist on Wednesday morning to find out what the next steps are in the treatment plan. I know I definitely have to have the radioactive iodine treatment, and based on the path report I will more than likely be having a lot of it, but I don't know when and I don't know how the whole process works. I seriously can't wait until Wednesday, though. The hardest part of this whole situation has been the waiting.

I'm not scared that I have cancer, and I'm not afraid to use the word. I'll admit that when I first heard back in late January that my biopsy came back as cancerous it rocked my world. That first week after hearing my test results was tough. I spent an entire day all by myself just trying to deal with the information I had received. It was so sureal, and not at all expected. Then we met with the surgeon who said the first path report listed the biopsy's as "suspicious" for thyroid cancer. He said I should think of the surgery as a really big biopsy and afterward they would send it to the pathologist to have cancer either confirmed or denied. The first page of the operative report says "PREOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS: Bilateral thyroid nodules" followed by "POSTOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS: Metastatic papillary thyroid carcinoma". That's quite the jump. At any rate, I really am doing well. I have the strength of God, the strength of family and loved ones, and the strength of friends all lifting me up and helping me carry on. I'm not scared that I have cancer.

Pictures!!

James and I took some pictures of my recent scar and bruise from the surgery, so I thought I would post them here. 

Here is my scar fresh from the doctor's office. It doesn't look that bad. The white thing on my shoulder is an ice pack. It was my best friend for the last week. I had that thing every minute. It really helped my neck feel better.

Here's a picture of James and I after the doctor's appointment. We look so happy.

Here is the bruise that has taken control over my arm!!! This wasn't even from the IV. This was from the spot where they first tried to get the IV in, and obviously it didn't work too well. It looks so much better than the first few days after the surgery. At one point I had to cover it up with a glove because it just made me sick looking at it.

My scar and my sad face.

A close up of the scar. The doctor was very pleased with how it looked. He kept looking at it and smiling...no, he was BEAMING! It was so funny, but it was also really nice to see a doctor who was impressed with his work and excited about what he does...and not in a vain way. He is a good doctor. If anyone ever needs to have head or neck surgery in Colorado I have a great referral for you! :)

The Adventures of Lil' Pig!!

My friend Gina made a wonderfully cute pig for me to keep me company during my surgery. Lil' Pig is her name, and adventure is her game. It seems every time I turn around she is into something, but one look from those big green eyes just melts my heart! Here are some of her most recent adventures.

Here she is playing hide and seek in the flowers. She loves to nestle between the petals and pop out when you least expect it. Last night James was painting at the table when she decided to scare him. It was funny!

This morning she decided to watch her favorite show while I was getting my breakfast. I didn't even know she knew how to turn on the TV!

Sometimes she likes to climb up on the windowsill and wait for James to come home. She always looks so peaceful and content. I often wonder what is going on in that little brain of hers. I couldn't resist taking a picture of her. She just looks so cute!

Thanks again, Gina, for giving me Lil' Pig! She is so fun!

And now for the real story

Today is Sunday; a day of new beginnings; a day for refreshment and reviving the soul. It's funny to think of this past week and how much has gone on and then to sit back and look at it now and realize how quickly it has gone. I have officially lost 15 pounds (weighed myself this morning) on the "surgery diet". Anyone who has been on this diet can certainly attest to the quickness of this specific plan, although I truly do not recommend it unless absolutely necessary and even then I would seriously think of alternatives. I'm gathering more strength, but I have noticed how my neck just is not quit ready to support my head yet, my vocal chords still do not work properly, and my eyes have a tendency to just give up all together and shut at random times throughout the day (and I'm not talking about falling asleep - they just decide they have looked at enough things and their job is over. It's kind of funny, actually.) 

I have been able to sleep somewhat, though not as successfully as last night. The first night back home from the hospital I tried to sleep on the bed, but it was too difficult for me, so I ended up sleeping on the reclining chair next to my bed for a bit before crawling over to the couch and getting touch and go sleep that night. The next day was more of the same, though I was able to eat a somewhat normal diet. Thursday night I didn't even try to sleep in the bed as it was just too cumbersome, so it was another night spent out on the couch. 

Friday was a very bad day. I was so nauseous I couldn't even drink anything, though I really tried to. My mother-in-law came and spent the day with me as James had to go to work. She is an amazing woman. She is so selfless, so giving, so kind, and willing to help out with anything. I've felt humble in my life before, but this surgery has brought out the humility in me ten fold, and I must say I have never felt so much love and gratitude for people since my surgery. My mother-in-law cleaned my house. She scrubbed my bathroom, vacuumed my floors, cleaned my kitchen, and hand mopped my floors on her hands and knees. That woman selflessly gave of her time and talents to help someone like me and didn't even think twice about it. She is amazing. I spent the whole day in bed begging the good Lord above to take away the nausea. It was a really long day.

Saturday my mom and little brother Zack spent the day with me since James had to go into work then too. It was extremely wonderful. I was still slightly nauseated but I forced myself to eat some toast and drink some Sprite. James' family is wonderful for so many different reasons. One of my especially favorite wonderful things about his family is that his sister is an operating room nurse, and his brother is an anesthesiologist. We have called them both on several instances to seek advice and ask questions about certain health related questions, and they have always been so helpful. James' mom spoke to his brother on Friday night because she was so concerned about me and truly...it was really bad. He said I really needed to force myself to eat or it would get worse, so I did. My mom brought over gatorade and fruit and soup and then she spent the whole day with me just sitting on the couch, refilling my ice pack as needed, and watching TV with me and my little brother. It was so cozy! The house was dark and cool, it was raining outside, and we were all snuggled up watching good movies. I started drinking the gatorade and was feeling much better. I even had soup for lunch...a whole bowl!! It was very exciting.

Now today I have done nothing but rest. I think I'm about sick of watching TV, and feel I am ready to turn my sights toward nintendo! Ye-haw! I know this was lengthy so thanks for sticking it through. I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for the food, the flowers, the well wishes, the thoughts, the prayers, the company, and the phone calls. You are all amazing!! I'll post more tomorrow after we get back from the doctor so I can keep everyone up to date on what the latest plan of attack is. Have a good night!

I am alive and at home

What an adventure these past couple of days have been. I do not have much strength, so this post will be short and quick. The operation went well, and I handled it nicely. They had to make a longer incision than what they originally expected, and that was because the first thing they saw was a cancerous lymph node right in the front of my neck. The doctor called in a pathologist right then and there to check it and he said it was cancerous and to take it out along with my thyroid and several other lymph nodes. The first question pretty much everyone asked was if I was going to need chemotherapy and the doctor said no, but I will have to take the radioactive iodine. I just don't know when yet. He also said my thyroid was really bad and had been like that for a long time now and it was good they were able to get it out now because if we would have waited much longer I would have had some serious problems. So now I kind of look like a really bad version of Frankenstein's bride complete with scar. Sweet.

They released me from the hospital around 7:30 pm Wednesday night. I was so glad to be home and sleep on my bed with my pillows and my blankets, although you would not believe how freakin' sore my entire body is. I'm only taking two Tylenol as needed so my pain is really low. My neck feels weird though...like it is missing something and it doesn't quite know how to adjust to that. Gina, you'll know what I'm talking about and now I know what you were talking about before as well. :) It's just a very weird feeling. That's about all I can do to explain it right now.

I am slowly recovering. I don't have much intonation or inflection in my voice and that makes me laugh which kind of hurts. Let's see if I can give a better explanation of that. Think back to a time when I was telling you a really funny story, or explaining something with a lot of emotion. Remember all my inflections, emotions, and facial expressions? Well, now think about a monotone robot telling the same exact story. That's me right now. No matter how hard I try I cannot make my voice any different than monotone. :) It really does sound funny to hear me try. All in good time, though. I know it will come back.

I have bruises all over my arms from the IV they tried to get into two different places. One spot barely has a bruise, but another spot looks like someone smashed a dark purple eggplant all over me. I try not to look at it too much, and I will be posting pictures when I have more strength. I have three bruises on my other arm as well and that's from where they had to take my blood to monitor my calcium levels. Ok. that's all the strength I have. Check back soon for updates.

Only two days left

And the wait is on...only two days left before the big "O". No, I'm not talking about the season finale of Oprah, I'm talking about the big operation. I'm calm, yet worried, relaxed, yet anxious, organized, yet dishevelled. It's been interesting to realize how close the big "O" really is. I remember about five minutes ago when it was mid-February and I was thinking how long it would be until the surgery, and how much time I had. Now, all the sudden, it's all up in my business and smacking me in the face. I guess that's how these things happen. I'm most anxious for the healing part. There really isn't much to think about in the way of the actual surgery since I will be completely out for that part. I'll close my eyes in the operating room and a minute later open them up in the recovery room. Ah, the marvels of modern medicine! My thoughts have been plagued with simple, yet important, questions such as can I listen to music during the surgery so I am not panicked in case I wake up? Or, will they tape the surgery so I can watch it later just to see how it's done? (I know most of you are putting on your "ew! Gross!" faces, but I truly do want to see how the operation is done. It's not every day they take a piece out of you that you don't see. I want to see it!). And the most important one, will I have my own room for staying overnight? These are the important questions, people!! I already know about the other stuff, now I want the answers to the good stuff.

On another note, I have been having computer troubles recently. The fan has been spouting out these horribly annoying sounds that seem to increase with each moment spent on the computer. James and I have had a wonderful time opening and closing the lid, taking parts out, calling my dad for help, and generally trying to jimmy-rig the darn thing so it doesn't drive me MAD! We've got the fan to stop making noises, but today the sound stopped working. I pulled a sound card out of my old computer and placed it in the new computer. We thought that would work, but the computer wouldn't recognize the blasted thing because I didn't have the installation CD that came with the sound card. I bought the thing a few years ago and wasn't even sure I still had the CD. So I had to dig through a box of all my old CD cases (everything has been ripped to my computer - now you know the kind of drama I am having!! This is huge!) and emerged successful with the installation CD firmly gripped in my hand. I put that bad boy in and the sound card was successfully installed. I restarted my computer, for good measure, and held my breath as I waited for the infamous logon music Microsoft has so graciously added to their start-up process. However, after realizing I couldn't hold my breath that long, I exhaled but did not find any relief. The sound is no more. I don't know what else to do. I think this is the day the music has died in my house. This can only be bad. Maybe it's a premonition of things to come...maybe I won't be able to sing when I get back from the big "O" and my computer is just trying to prepare me for the inevitable breakdown I will have once my mind fully understands what happened!!

Wow, I need to get some sleep. I'm getting too wrapped up in this. Hopefully a good nights rest for both me and my computer will set things right again in the morning......I hope!!