A Totally Random Post

This morning as I was getting ready for church I was thinking about James. He goes to church earlier than I do because he has meetings he needs to attend. At any rate, I don't know why, or even where these thoughts came from, but I started thinking about how smart he really is. Now, I am not saying this because it is my biased opinion. I am truly stating this on fact. When it comes to history, politics, current events, football, the economy, and especially orchids he astounds me with his knowledge. This morning I imagined James and I being at a big fancy party complete with fabulous dresses, tuxedos, light piano music playing and chatter from some of the finest guests in the world. James would look fantastic in his tux and I would be his sheepish looking wife in the red dress with sparkles, of course. Now, stay with me because I am going somewhere with this. James and I would be offered something to the equivalent of a fine cocktail beverage and he would politely decline, while I would be the one asking if they had Dr. Pepper with light ice and a straw; any color. Someone would come up, shake our hands, state something about how it is a pleasure to see us and then wish to know our thoughts on the latest economic crisis. James would completely jump in, offer his opinion, ask others their thoughts, then prominently express his opinion followed by some witty joke to which everyone around would laugh delicately, because loud laughter is inappropriate for these parties...no wait! For these types of gatherings. Yes, that's a better word. Meanwhile, I would be standing next to him, smiling, listening to what he was saying until I notice someone else in the distance who had carelessly rested their glass on the edge of the windowsill where at any moment it would slip and fall on the floor causing a crash and a mess and then how would they clean that up without everyone noticing, and wouldn't that person just be so embarrassed that they dropped their beverage on the beautiful hard wood floors that I am sure were of the finest quality and I wonder what type of wood it is and I bet James could put real wood floors down in our house and not those cheap looking (and sounding) vinyl wood floors that many people have now and why couldn't they just go with real wood if they really wanted wood floors in the first place, but I guess that's what they get when they just follow the crowd instead of just doing things on their own and not worrying about what anyone else thinks and...oh, people are laughing...I'll join in even though I have no idea what they are laughing about, but if James said it, then it must be funny. Ha ha ha!! Only my laugh is loud and boisterous and it ricochets off the walls and everyone turns to look at me, and it's right about then that I'm the one who is embarrassed and my face ends up matching my red sparkly dress and I'm wondering where my Dr. Pepper is because I'm suddenly extremely thirsty. James would place his hand over mine and give me a reassuring smile as he turns to the group once more and says "So, how about those Broncos?"

I know I'm random, but I think that's part of my charm. :) I don't have a creative imagination at all, now do I? :)

Bring on 2009!

I must admit that I get excited for the new year to come. It's not because I enjoy rewriting the date on all my papers, or remembering just exactly how old I am (or how old I am getting for that matter). No, I think it's because it's a possibility for a new start; a fresh beginning; a chance to try again. True, in essence, we get that each week or even each day. And a person could even go as far as to say we get that each minute and they would very much be right. Still, there is something about a brand new year, with all the possibilities in front of it, that make me very excited. 

I am one who enjoys creating New Years Resolutions. I know most people would rather through themselves out the nearest window than do something of this nature, but I start thinking about my resolutions in the beginning of December. I become motivated with all the new things I could do. Some of the goals I achieve, and some of them I don't. However, at the end of each year I look back over my resolutions and see what I have accomplished (or not accomplished) and then I get excited to try it all over again. I modify, I adjust, and I build upon things that have worked in the prior year and I try different approaches to things I didn't succeed at before. Some things I end up throwing out all together while others I fine tune. I always have something I want to accomplish in the coming year.

So, all that being said, here are a few of my New Years Resolutions. I try not to make too many so I don't become too stressed and pressure myself into doing things I know I won't be able to complete in the first place.

1. Get organized - I really look forward to this one because it means that we are going to have a place for everything and put everything in its place. We are even going to clear out all our closets, throw away all the junk we seriously don't need anymore, and store all the stuff we will use in proper storage bins. This means no more boxes!! I love having things organized.

2. Update the blog more frequently - This is something I could be doing a lot better. I'll admit that one of my excuses for not updating more frequently is that I don't feel like I have much going on in my life. I love reading all the blogs from my friends because most, if not all of them, have either stories about their kids, or very exciting adventures that I live vicariously through. James' sister told me she likes reading my blog especially when I talk about James. Well, I could certainly do that!! I'm going to try and post more intriguing things to make up for the lack of kid stories and exciting adventures. :) I think I'll start by posting something once a week at least.

3. Keep a journal again - I know most people would say that keeping a blog is done in place of a journal. However, there are many things of a personal nature that are not shared on my blog for obvious reasons. Keeping a journal will also help me to become less stressed, and give me a chance to go back and look at all the things James and I have done. I am excited about this one as well, though a bit nervous because I am much faster at typing than I am at writing, but I'll definitely give it a go.

See? Nothing too bad, and definitely attainable if you ask me. I'm going to try and update my blog page for each month as well. I know my page says "January" but I wanted to create a new page for the new year to go with this new post. :) Enjoy everyone! And have a fantastic New Year!

Ah, the holidays!

It always seems to me that once October hits and Halloween is in full swing, the remainder of the year goes by extremely fast. And there isn't ever anything I can do to stop it, or at least make it slow down a little. So I just try to enjoy it as much as I can. For Thanksgiving James and I went to his parent's house where we spent a fun filled day hanging out with the family and enjoying each others company. It was truly a great day. James was so excited because he couldn't wait to play football with his family.

See, every Thanksgiving (and really every holiday for that matter) James' family gets together and plays a ton of sports in the morning. James has been so busy with school and work and church that he (and I as well) have not been able to visit the family as often as we would have liked. Normally, James goes over and hangs out with them on Tuesdays because that's his day off. However, he has been so busy that he hasn't done that for a while. You can imagine how excited he was on Thanksgiving morning when the alarm clock went off and he bounded out of bed ready to go to his parents house. Now, I am not a morning person, so suffice it to say that I was completely ready to sleep for another hour or two. James could not wait, and began to run (literally) around the house saying how we had to get ready to go because football started around 9:30 am.

Well, we got there a little after 9:30 but no one was there to play football. We ended up going over to the church where James' dad, two brothers, and two sisters were waiting for us so we could join them in some sports. They had already played a game of basketball, and were just setting up the net to play volleyball by the time we got there. After the volleyball game, James, his dad, and his two brothers and I traveled over to a local park so they could play football. Well, they played football...I played my Game Boy. :) Anyway, they played for about 30 minutes and then we went over to his parent's house where we were greeted with the wonderful smell of turkey. I love the smells of a good Thanksgiving dinner cooking. We watched a movie and had snacks and then got ready for dinner. The turkey was delicious, stuffing was amazing, rolls, fruit salad, broccoli, gravy...it was all delicious. Then we all cleaned up and played a game.

That's one of the things I love about James' family. They all love to play games so I feel in my element at those moments. People in my family (aside from my older sister) don't really like playing games, but I really do. We played Cranium and had a fun time trying to act, hum, draw, and think of answers. After that we all had pie. Now, you have never had pie like the pie my mother-in-law makes. It is amazing. She made chocolate raspberry, lemon, chocolate cream, cherry, and banana cream pie, and it is a fight every time she pulls one of them out of the fridge. They are some seriously good pies. My favorites are banana cream and lemon. There is no second...they both tie for first place.

After that we decided to play one of James' little brother in air hockey. That kid dominated every single one of us, and even succeeded in hitting the hockey puck off the table and flying across the room at least seven times. It was crazy how fast that little guy was going. And whenever I finally had a chance to smash the puck across the table, I kept missing it! It was fun though. We finally headed home at the end of the day. It was truly fun to visit with family and friends and have such wonderful company on a holiday meant for giving thanks. And we get to do it all over again on Christmas Eve! I can't wait!

I'm here, I promise.

Yes, I am still alive.

No, nothing new has happened, but thanks for checking in.

I've been tagged again! Woo-hoo!!

Yea! Thanks Julie!! (And yes, I was the one who tagged you for the husband thing!) I am such a dork, I know, but I really enjoy things like this because it is stuff not too many people know and it is always fun learning new things about others. Here it goes:

8 THINGS...

8 TV SHOWS I LIKE TO WATCH
1. Friends
2. Eli Stone
3. Joan of Arcadia
4. Sabrina the Teenage Witch
5. House Hunters
6. Property Virgins
7. Deadliest Catch
8. Survivorman and Man vs. Wild (ok, they are extremely similar so I grouped them together. I hope that's allowed)

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Red Robin
2. Bennigan's
3. Hibachi Grill
4. Johnny Carinos
5. Wendy's
6. Qdoba
7. Silver Mine Subs (a sandwich shop)
8. Noodles and Company

8 THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
1. I went to work
2. I went to work
3. I went to work
4. I visited one of our vendors for work
5. I went back to work after that
6. I was the last one at work
7. I visited with James after work while he did homework
8. I didn't think about work again that night!

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. James completing his second Bachelor's degree
2. Cooler weather
3. Not having to worry about bills so much
4. Thanksgiving and Christmas
5. One day getting a bike
6. Getting my Masters
7. Getting my Ph.D.
8. Teaching at a university or college

8 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FALL
1. The cold weather
2. The beautiful colors of the trees here in Colorado
3. The anticipation of four major holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years)
4. Football season....does there have to be anything after that?
5. Cooking and baking good food
6. Everyone just seems happier
7. Visiting friends and family I haven't seen in a while
8. The cold weather...I know I already said that but I love the cold weather! It's worth mentioning twice!

8 THINGS ON MY WISH LIST
1. Be healthier
2. Less stress
3. Winning the lotto (of course it helps if I actually buy a ticket, right?)
4. Visiting Scottland, Ireland, and Italy
5. A Wii or a Nintendo DS
6. Publishing my book
7. Learn how to play the piano
8. Sing the National Anthem at a Super Bowl

8 PEOPLE I TAG ARE:
1. Amy
2. Ashley
3. Jeanette
4. Brian
5. Kim
6. Jennifer
7. Denise
8. Sam

Husband Tag

Finally!! I have been tagged! How weird is it that I have secretly always wanted someone...ANYONE...to officially tag me? Now, here is my chance and I am so excited about this one. Here it goes:

1 - WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME? James.

2 - HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? A little over two years.

3 - HOW LONG DID YOU DATE? 9 months before we were married; 5 months before we were engaged.

4 - HOW OLD IS HE? 30.

5 - WHO IS TALLER? James is.

6 - WHO CAN SING BEST? I can, and I'm not bragging by any means. James does not think he has a good voice, but I love it. One time I asked him to join the church choir with me and he said, "Crystal, I will do anything you ask me to, but please don't ask me to sing in the choir!" I gave in and told him he didn't have to. :)

7 - WHO IS SMARTER? James is super smart. I am always so impressed with all the things he knows. However, when it comes to computers, I am smarter...with everything else, he definitely is.

8 - WHO DOES LAUNDRY? James does.

9 - WHO PAYS THE BILLS? I do except sometimes I give him the money to pay a couple bills on his day off.

10 - WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED? If you are at the foot of the bed facing the headboard, then James sleeps on the right. If you are sitting on the bed with your back against the headboard then I sleep on the right. I know, confusing!

11 - WHO MOWS THE LAWN? Neither one of us because we don't have a lawn, but I am the one who works on the cars.

12 - WHO COOKS DINNER? We both do.

13 - WHO IS THE FIRST TO ADMIT THEY'RE WRONG? I think James is even when he's not wrong. I think I'm a bit more stubborn, but when I know I'm wrong I admit it.

14 - WHO KISSED WHO FIRST? James kissed me first. Good times.

15 - WHO WEARS THE PANTS? I don't like the way this question is phrased. We both work together at our marriage and our relationship and wouldn't think twice about one of us dominating the other.

This was fun. Thanks, Kim, for tagging me. The past couple of days have been really interesting as I realized I have been talking about James a lot and reminiscing about all the fun things we have done, how we met, how he asked me on our first date, how smart he is, how hard he works, and how amazing he truly is. It's really good because it reminds me just how much I love him, and thinking about him causes me to love him even more. I love James! He is the best!!

Ok, I tag Julie, Shalee, Jeanette and Ashley!! Have fun, ladies!

Testing out the FEEDS

Alright, well, I had to update a bunch of stuff to make the FEED show. I think I have it down now. So, subscribe to the FEED and you'll be able to tell exactly when I put up a new post instead of checking in every few days. I know checking my blog every couple of days can be a little tough for some of you, but it gives you a chance to admire my awesome background. I'm just saying! Now you shouldn't have to do that, provided you sign up for the FEED correctly. Good luck!

FINALLY!!!

So I turned in my last paper on Monday night and now I can say that I have completed my classes to get my Bachelor's degree!!

FINALLY!!

As a graduation present, James is going to get me a bicycle!! This is thanks due in no small part to our good friends Brian and Shalee Fries. They got new bikes about a month ago and talked about it a few weeks before that. Since then I have told James that I really want to get a bike to start riding around town with him, and all the fun things that come from owning a bike. He has walked into the study numerous times only to find me staring intently at the computer screen looking at lots of pictures of bikes. I haven't quite settled on which one I want. It might be one of these three:

The first one is a Giant Women's Sedona, the second is a Titan Pathfinder, and the third is the Women's Trek 820. Like I said, I'm not sure which one I want yet, but when I get it I will be sure to take some pictures of it and post it up here.

Which one do you think I should get?

Grateful

I don't remember much about my childhood, and those things I do remember are either funny, or somewhat trivial...at least in my opinion. I grew up in Southern California, in the high desert and my memories of that place are as real as if they happened yesterday. Here are a few of them:

I remember when my parents would turn on the swamp cooler in our house and my brothers and I would close all the doors in the hallway and lie under the cold air with blankets while we talked about everything for hours.

I remember another time when my brothers and I, apparently for lack of something to do, would sit in their room and make ourselves laugh until it reached a point where we were all laughing so hard we were crying, but we had nothing specific to laugh about.

I remember when my sister and I thought it was "fun" to walk two miles in the desert to the nearest 7-11 on a hot Saturday in July just because we wanted to, and how we would always end up with goatheads and other types of stickers in our legs and feet.

I remember when one person in our family would get the flu and start to throw up how my sister and I would refuse to eat anything for three days until we were sure that either the virus had passed, or we weren't going to get it, and I remember how on those rare times that we did throw up, we would convince ourselves that it was a good way to lose weight.

I remember long nights of standing out in the yard by the front gate watching cars drive by, and lying on the trampoline underneath a warm blanket counting the stars and thinking about how small I was in comparrison to everything else.

I remember my sister asking me how my day went and generally trying to get me to talk with her as we got ready for bed only for me to say one or two words in reply, but the second the light was off and we were in bed I wouldn't stop talking and she would fall asleep to my ramblings.

I remember pepsip wasps, solgeepudgees, water beetles, and pack rats...at least that's what we called them.

I remember how my brothers and I would dig out holes in the dirt in our backyard and pretend like we lived there (we had stairs and everything!).

I remember my mom waking us up in the middle of the night to show us it was snowing and how excited she was about it.

I remember watching Fraggle Rock on HBO.

I remember casseroles, jello, and having as many people over for the holidays as we could, and I remember how "the kitchen is closed" had real meaning in our house.

I know there are many more memories of my childhood that I am bound to recall as the years go by, but I had a good time reminiscing about these ones. I am grateful for the good memories I have of my family. It's funny, this is not how I anticipated this post going, but it made me laugh to think of all these experiences.

Lessons Learned

Recently I have learned some new things about others that I never knew before. Three of these things have hurt my feelings very much, though the people involved may not (nor may ever) know that. I don't know if the reason why I am just finding out about these things is due to my own blindness at the situation/event/person's interpretation, or if they feel like they are in a safe enough situation to say what they think and how they felt. I honestly don't know. Sometimes I am shocked to think how little I truly know about these people, and also how little I know about myself.

I am not going to explain what those recent three experiences were to cause such a shake up of my heart and mind, but I have decided there are a few things I have wanted to say (both good and bad) but never had the heart to do so...until now. I need to get these out of my mind to make room for other things I would like to dwell on more consistently. Yes, they are going to be cryptic as that is my intention. I don't think I will ever be able to say these things to the individual in person but at least they will be said and, it is my hope, will no longer effect me and I can move on to becoming better. So, here it goes:

1. I want to tell someone that he hurt me very badly and our relationship/friendship will never be the same again.
2. I want to tell someone that I am so incredibly jealous of her life and everything that she is. I don't know why, but I really am.
3. I want to tell someone that he will probably never know how much I truly cared for him.
4. I want to tell someone that she is just plain mean, and biased, and does not care who she offends.
5. I want to tell someone that she ROCKS and I can't believe how fantastic she is.
6. I want to tell someone that he is so great I want to hang out with him as much as I can.
7. I want to tell someone that I really look up to him, respect him, and wish I could try to be more like him...and secretly I think how he would handle something and try to do it the same way.
8. I want to tell someone that the pity factor has absolutely NO effect on me.
9. I want to tell someone that she doesn't know me and needs to stop telling everyone that she does.
10. I want to tell someone that she needs to back off or she'll incur the wrath o' me, and believe me it's not pretty.
11. I want to tell someone that things have changed so much between us that we aren't able to have the same friendship we once had. And I think that makes me the most sad.
12. I want to tell someone that I miss him incredibly and think of him often.
13. I want to tell someone that she needs to just stop talking.
14. I want to tell someone that I wish he would support me more.
15. I want to tell someone that I wish she would like me.
16. I want to tell someone that I may just be a lost cause but I am glad he has never given up on me.
17. I want to tell someone that I don't like doing some things and I wish he would understand that.

That's all for now.

Good News!

Have no fear my fellow bloggers! I have just received a job offer and I begin work on Monday. I could not be more excited about this opportunity because it is doing something I like at a place I enjoy! Thanks for all those who provided support to me in my time of need. You have no idea how much it lifted me up and encouraged me. It is always nice to know there are those who are willing to be there when things get tough. THANK YOU! :) More to follow at a later date. :)

What is going on?

I just don't get it. I have not had success in finding a new job and this has caused much concern for me. I've never had this type of trouble before. I have been working in the corporate world for the last thirteen years and have never had a problem finding a position. I communicate well, I am a team player, I know how to work a computer and most software applications, I am a quick learner, super positive, fast typist, extremely organized, and I am all about the customer. So what is going on? All of the sudden I feel like I am back in grade school trying to figure out why no one wants to be my friend. I've begun to question my skills, my knowledge, and my experiences. I've begun to doubt my own abilities and that, in case none of you have ever been in a similar position, is so disheartening. So now I am in a position where I don't know what I want to do, where I am not sure what area I want to go into, or what I want to do with my life. How can that be? These last six weeks have been full of ups and downs and sometimes I don't even know which way I am facing.

I saw a preview for a new show coming on tv and the part I saw kind of made me mad. It was a lady who was totally freaking out because of her debts and the bills she had that were outstanding. She was talking to her mom about it and her mom said, "Try not to worry about the bills. Here's a biscuit for you." Every time I see it I get angry because how on earth is that lady supposed to NOT worry about the bills? She has people all over her trying to collect what is due and she is struggling to make ends meet (though I am a little skeptical because she has a freakin' show on tv, for the love of Pete! I'm tempted to question how bad off she really is) and here is her mom telling her to not worry about them. Well, I am here to tell everyone that you can't just ignore certain problems and situations in your life. True, you probably shouldn't focus on them every single day because that would stress you out to the breaking point. But you do have to formulate some sort of plan on how best to take care of whatever situation you may be in at that time. I know what you are thinking. You're thinking that if you focus on your problems all the time it will drive you crazy. And to that point I agree. However, how are you supposed to make things better by just eating a freakin' biscuit, or watching a movie, or listening to music? Where is the plan of action? And the backup plan after that if things still aren't working out? And what do you do when everything has fallen through and you honestly have no more ideas?

Now, for those of you who are tempted to comment and say something about how I should trust in God and He will provide, or how I should turn all my worries over to Him and not think about them anymore, I say I have already done that. And for those of you who are tempted to further comment that perhaps I just don't trust that He will provide a way, I say I do trust Him and I know He will provide a way. I have a few things to say. I have turned many of my worries over to Him with complete faith that He would hear me and help me so that I am stronger and able to handle those stresses I have, because I don't think He will take these sort of troubles "away" just because. Even the people of Alma who were in bondage and were not allowed to pray out loud had worries. They prayed silently instead and continued to ask the Lord for help. But the Lord did not take their burdens away. He made it so that they were stronger and that their burdens were "made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15 from the Book of Mormon). I have been strengthened in some of those things I have turned over to Him. The other things may end up taking a little longer...I've never been much of a patient person. I do pray every day that something will open up and I will be able to get a decent job at a company I enjoy, doing work that I am excited about it. I just don't think that position is ready yet, hence the whole meaning behind this post.

My point is, even when you have turned everything over to God and done your best to get through yet another day of disappointments without crying I firmly believe there are just times when you have to vent and get it all out of your system so your eyes are clear and your head is not stuffed with negative thoughts. It's so you CAN keep trusting in Him, keep going forward, and not be depressed about how everything just...well, just sucks. For me, that day is today. Thanks for hearing me out on this.

I have nothing new to say really

I think people who have kids have a lot more interesting things to write about, and even though they may not write everyday, when they do have time to update the blog it is always with some interesting story. I don't really have that. So I apologize if my blog is boring. I can update you on what has happened in the past month and give myself a chance to get this all out of my head so I don't "stew" over it every single day.

About a month ago I lost my job. I really don't want to go into details, but suffice it to say it was due to medical reasons. Since then I have spent literally every day looking for another job. This has proved to be very difficult indeed, and James and I are beginning to think that perhaps I am meant to be home at this time. I think I have applied to at least twenty different full-time jobs and even more part-time jobs. However, no one...and I mean no one, has called me back for any kind of interview or anything. I call to check the status of the jobs I applied for and they tell me I don't have three years experience in a library setting, or I don't have any experience in the print industry or whatever other reason they tell me. This, as any of you who may have been in this same situation, can prove to be very frustrating.

My day starts when I get up around 8:30. This is also the same time that James leaves in the morning, so even though he doesn't know it he is my alarm clock. :) After I have woken up a bit I go into the study and jump on the computer. I check my phone to see if anyone has called and left any messages, and then I check my email to see if anyone has replied. After that I begin to scour the web for new job listings. I check Careerbuilder, Indeed, the City of Longmont, the Longmont newpaper, Monster, tentilltwo.com (a part time job website), the local school district, Jobing, and a few other job sites I have found along the way. I apply to the jobs that I think I would be able to do, and even some that would stretch me a bit, complete with a resume and a different cover letter for each position. Then I follow up with the jobs I have applied to in the previous weeks and check my email again. Once that process has been done I usually log onto school and do some homework and then realize that it's about 3:30 and I haven't eaten all day so I go and grab a quick bite and straighten up a bit before James gets home. I try to make dinner for him, but sometimes since I eat late I don't feel hungry and don't even think about making dinner. He has to remind me and I am doing better about trying to eat at a normal time so we can eat together in the evening. Once James gets home I may try to do a bit more homework, but after being on the computer all day I usually go and watch TV or read a book. Actually, I end up helping James with his homework. He's getting his second Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design and I'm jealous because he gets to do fun homework like painting and taking pictures, whereas I have to write eight-page papers on the Ethics of an Organization, or Strategic Objectives.

I'm extremely grateful that James is working because that would be too difficult, I think. So I am counting my blessings. On the good side I have been able to stay out of the heat and the sun and so my arms and hands have not broken out. This is always a good thing since the prescription medicine I use to get rid of these breakouts thins my skin. So I try to limit the use of it as much as I can and that involves staying out of the sun. No problem for me. I hate the heat and the sun probably just as much as it hates me. Also, my migraines have decreased thanks in part to the quiet environment I am in now (my home). And when I do get one I don't have to stress about it because I am home and can take care of it here. My apartment is conducive to overcoming my migraines. It is cold, dark, and quiet. I can lie down and hopefully get rid of the pain and I don't have to worry about anything. There are blessings in this little trial of mine, and I do see them. It's funny...I told James the other day that half of me feels bad for not having a job and not getting any calls back, and the other half of me feels bad for not feeling bad about not having a job! Does that even make sense? Well, I have no doubts that Heavenly Father is mindful of James and I and I know He knows our situation. I know I am in His hands, and perhaps that's why I don't feel bad for not having a job. It's not like I am not trying to find something because I truly am. But I also like being home. I feel better here. Anyway, that is my update. I bet you wish I had kids so I could tell you some fun story or something. I'll see what kind of a story I can come up with next time. :)

The Proof is in the Pictures

For the past three days (Thursday, Friday, and today) I have been watching the children of one of the ladies in our ward. I have tried to take them outside to do fun things with them so they don't get bored. Each day we have gone and played in the sun. Thursday we went to a couple of parks around their house and stayed out for a couple of hours. Friday we went to a bigger and newer park on the other side of town and played outside for another couple of hours. And today we went outside to a local skate park and played for another couple of hours. It has been fun. However, on Thursday I noticed that my arms were breaking out again, so I have been trying to avoid the sun and keep to the shade as much as possible. Today I stayed in the shade for all but fifteen minutes, and for the last hour of the time we were in the park it was nice and cool and cloudy. I just had James take these pictures of my arms to show you all proof of the torture my body experiences when exposed to the sun for longer than ten or fifteen minutes. I promise you I am not making this thing up. I hope they give you a better idea of what the spring and summer are like for me.

The hikes are done

So for those of you who think that I no longer update this blog, you are wrong. I am still alive and have been busy trying to do other things that took my attention away from this. However, suffice it to say that I have decided to make a renewed effort to update this more frequently for the two or three (perhaps it is only one?) of you who like to check in on me every once in a while.

The hikes are off. I'd like to think I truly did my best to hike and enjoy the beautiful area in which I live, and I did have fun, but it's not worth my health anymore. You see, I prefaced my then new idea of hiking ever saturday with the information about my allergy to the sun. Perhaps I was just fooling myself into thinking it would be fine because it is not. Sadly, I am having some serious problems with my arms and hands breaking out after only being in the sun for an extremely short period of time. I thought perhaps the continual exposure to the sun would allow me to lessen the breakouts, but this has backfired...something fierce. I can not be in the sun now, and need to avoid it as much as possible. I don't know for sure what this allergy is caused from though. Some have suggested it might be lupus, some think it's due to lack of sunscreen (which is not true, I use it when I go out into the sun), and others think I am making it up. I went onto WebMD (a very good site information wise, but very bad for trying to check your symptoms because it always says you are dying) and tried to see what information I could find relating to photosensitivity (sensitivity to sun exposure) and found a plethora of things. I've spent the better part of the past few days trying to find out as much information as I can. At this point in time I can safely say I am not going to die, but I do have a couple of rare autoimmune diseases that I was formerly unaware of. :) (That's a joke by the way. Any of you who frequent the webmd website are sure to laugh at that...I hope). Anyway, once I figure out exactly what is going on then I will let you know. Until then, I am perfectly content sitting in my cold, dark apartment while summer activities are in full force around me. God bless the person who invented air conditioning!

Just a quick update

I know I have written on here for the past...well, month really. Life has a way of getting ahead of me and the next thing I know it is a month later. Tomorrow James and I are having a big BBQ with both families and the missionaries to celebrate my birthday and memorial day. It should be fun. I won't be able to hike tomorrow since I will be spending most of my time on getting things prepared for it. On Monday (my actual birthday) James and I are going to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and I am really excited about that. Ok, gotta go. I'll post more pictures up the next time I log in. Sorry this is boring, but I promise next time it will be better!

No hike today

There was no hike today, my friends. The reason being I had a migraine all day, which just went away about an hour and a half ago. I really do hate these things. It makes my life miserable, and it's so frustrating not being able to do what I planned on doing because of it. Poor Zack felt bad, even though he assured me he was fine with it. I told him we would go on Tuesday and take Jelly (my mom's dog) with us. I feel bad for him too. I enjoy his company and love doing things with him. He's like my right hand man! That kid is just awesome! So I felt really bad today that I had to cancel on him since I knew that he was really looking forward to it (he even called me on Friday afternoon to check and make sure we were still going). So, Tuesday after we go on a hike I should have more pictures to post and better things to update you on. I don't know how long the hike will be, but we should be able to hike for about an hour or so. I'm going to pick him up after work around 4:30 pm and then we'll drive to Rabbit Mountain and hike from there. If we get there around 5:00 pm then we should have a good couple of hours to hike before the sun goes down. I'll keep you all informed!

Potentially Bad News

So most of you are aware that I went on a hike on Saturday for about 45 minutes, and will be going on a much longer hike this weekend (I'm talking two or three hours). Well, there is some potentially bad news with this new goal of mine. See, I'm kind of allergic to the sun. If I am in the sun for longer than 15 minutes I tend to break out in little blisters all over my arms and legs, or whatever part of my skin is actually out in the sun. James likes to call them sun spots. "Look at my arms James," I say to him after I have been in the sun that day. "Oh! You have sun spots all over your arms." He replies. It makes me laugh really, and helps me not feel like some sort of leper with an infectious disease. At any rate, after the hike on Saturday my arms started to break out and I have spent every day since slathering prescription medicine on them followed by lotion in order to prevent them from turning into something worse than what they already are. The "sun spots" are little water blisters that burn, itch, and otherwise wreak havoc on my skin. Then they pop and turn into scars or truly painful sores. Ok, maybe I am getting a little too detailed for some of you, but I wanted to paint the picture. I have been trying to take care of this in the hopes it will all be well again by Saturday just so I can do the same thing again next week. I have tried applying sunscreen, lotion, wearing protective layers (which is extremely bothersome considering it is hot outside) and other sorts of remedies but to no avail. And the downside of having the effective prescription medication is that it thins my skin, making it even more pleasant for when the contact with the sun occurs. Ok, I just wanted you all to know that my weekly hikes might need to be adjusted due to this new problem, but I will keep you all informed. :)

Hiking Trip - Week 1

Today was the first day of my spring and summer hikes and I must say it was a rousing success! I was nervous about how I would handle the difficulty of hiking after having been away from it so long. I am happy to report that I did much better than I expected! Zack and I had a blast! From the moment we stepped out of the car I was pumped. I had honestly forgotten what it feels like to be out amongst nature, to be one with the goodness that is this Earth, and to appreciate God's beauty.

The weather was perfect for our first hike as well. The sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot. The wind was blowing a gentle breeze against our faces as if encouraging us to continue onward. The worn, yet still rugged trail was full of rocks and surprisingly pleasant travelers. I was impressed with how the prospect of being outside in the natural environment brings out such friendliness in people. Everyone...every single person we came by smiled and said hello. There is something to be said about people like that. I think those who suggest there are no more niceties in the world should go take a hike...literally! It makes a person feel good, wanted, appreciated, and supported.

The hike was thrilling, mostly because it was a straight incline to get to the summit (well, what we called the summit before the trail split two ways) and the path was uneven. That is what made the hike so fantastic though. On one side of us was a steep mountainside, and the other a slopping meadow full of wildlife. We could hear dozens of birds in the bushes, and saw loads of grasshoppers (which I personally cannot stand), bees, and cacti. I was especially impressed with Zack's knowledge of his surroundings. He told me all about the different types of rocks we passed, and even paused to show me some examples. It was refreshing to see him so excited and appreciative of nature when he has interests in other things that most 11-year-old boys do such as skateboarding, swimming, and riding his bike.

The only problem with the hike today was that we really didn't have enough time. We were only able to hike for about 45 minutes and it really didn't leave any time for hiking further than we did. Next week we will be taking this same trail to the summit and then branching off to the Little Thompson River trail. It should be fun. We are taking my families' dog Jelly Bean as well. She's a black Chinese pug and completely full of energy, so it will be a blast! I'll put more pictures on here next week of our adventures. For now, I am completely exhausted so I must sleep. Good night everyone!

My New Adventure

I like creating new, simple goals that I can achieve without feeling completely overwhelmed at the larger ones I set and don't ever achieve. (I know you are all shaking your heads right now in agreement with me as you reminisce about past goals that fall into this very category!) So this time I have decided to go a little bigger and set a goal that I can work on each weekend through the spring and the summer. And that new goal is...I am going hiking!! :)

That's right! I have decided to go hiking on a new trail every Saturday and take pictures. I will post those pictures and a little blurb about my adventures each week to share with all of you the beauty that is Colorado. I'm going to start this new adventure tomorrow and continue each Saturday until my last hike which will be November 1, 2008. Tomorrow my little brother Zack is coming with me. He is super excited about it, and so am I. I think he might be a frequent traveler with me on my hikes each Saturday.

Some of you may be asking what has prompted this new goal of mine. You may be thinking to yourself, why would she want to go hiking? There are plenty of other things to do on a Saturday during the summer. Well, to those of you who may be thinking this, here is my answer: I love the mountains, and I think it's pretty ridiculous that I have lived in Colorado for over eight years and have only been to the mountains once or twice. I used to work in the mountains of Southern California and loved being in the crisp mountain air. I was close to nature, and enjoyed the peacefulness of the experience. I miss that and I have been reminded of that much more lately for no specific reason. That's when I decided to do this each week. I really am excited about it!

So bring on the water bottles and granola bars! I am ready to leave my footprints on some mountain soil and capture the moments in photographs to share with each of you. Keep an eye out for the updates!!

My Nieces truly are Princesses!

On Sunday James and I had a wonderful visit with my sister-in-law Ashley and her three little girls. I've heard her and my brother talk about how their girls think they are little princesses, and I am here to tell you all that it is true! These beautiful girls are so full of sugar and spice and everything nice that it makes me think whoever wrote that poem must have known my nieces would come into this world, and created that poem as a tribute to them. They were so fun to play with, talk to, and share excitement in such little things that others would consider trivial.

They all came over in the afternoon when the sun was shining brightly into our apartment. There was a cool breeze blowing so I had the sliding glass door open to let in some fresh air. After a couple of hours the sun became too much, so I walked over and closed the door and the blinds. Sweet little Brooklyne, with all the innocence and gratitude she could muster, looked at me and said "Oh, thank you!" I had to laugh. She's three years old, but definitely appreciates the coolness of shade upon her beautiful face.

After dinner the girls wanted to watch a movie. So we pulled out all the movies I own and had a grand time of deciding which one to watch. The girls were ecstatic to see that I had Beauty and the Beast. Brooklyne couldn't wait to watch it; she was so excited. Madison, however, stuck out her bottom lip in the most heart-melting pout you have ever seen and said "You don't have Cinderella? I wanted to watch a princess movie." Again, I had to laugh. Of all the movies I have (and mind you, I have quite a bit - especially kid friendly movies) she was sad that we didn't have Cinderella. But she handled herself so gracefully as she quickly beamed a bright smile and joined her younger sister on the couch to watch the one movie Ashley told me they didn't have. At least they were happy.

And so was James when Ashley and I went into the study to work on some new blog templates (keep an eye out for some updates soon) and he was able to play with the girls and get them good and tired out. They wrestled, they ran, they screamed for joy, and they made a genuine ruckus! But it was so fun to hear them all laughing together. Ashley and I got to play with Tristan who, I am convinced, does not know what crying is...though Ashley tries to assure me otherwise. I have never seen a happier baby! And all I wanted to do was play with her and make her laugh so I could see her beautiful blue eyes twinkle so fiercely. I wish they didn't have to go, because I truly consider that Sunday to be one of the best days I have had in a very long time.

The dreams I once had

I remember well the dreams I used to have as a kid for what I wanted to be when I grew up, and what I wanted my life to be like. At first I wanted to be a doctor to help others overcome sickness and pain, and to bring happiness into the world. Then, as I started to realize how being a doctor was not always a good thing, I changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a singer.

I learned how to sing thanks in no small part to my older sister who decided one day she had had enough of my feeble attempt at singing, and so she punched me right in the stomach. Of course it was a shock, and not at all the way I imagined learning how to sing would be. I clearly remember her standing over me, ignoring my efforts to gain my breath and snubbing my evil stares in her direction as she proudly said, "Now that's how you should sing; from your stomach!" I wanted to kick her, but in that moment I knew she was absolutely right. So I started to sing and was certain my future would be on the stage in front of hundreds of thousands of people. Sadly, somewhere in between my junior year in high school and about ten years ago I realized I would never be able to have the singing career I thought I wanted. So I gave up on that dream, though I still sing today.

Now, every once in a while I hear the faint whisperings of what could have been, where I could be, and what I could have been doing and to be honest it makes me long for times past. I have had so many dreams that I thought I would follow; so many tales I was sure I was going to tell. It's hard to let go, really. It's hard to consciously choose to go down a different path, confident you will never see the dream again. It's hard to turn away. But you do. Maybe it's because you know you should. Maybe it's because you have to.

Tonight I realized another dream that I won't be able to achieve. It is time for me to lay this dream to rest, and focus on the things I have yet to create dreams for. Dreams don't have to be grand visions of the ultimate successes in one's life. They are the small and simple things, the large and beautiful, the weak and mild. They are what we set our hearts on and what we reach our hands out for. They are what keep us going day in and day out.

I honestly feel that if we give up on our dreams then we give up on ourselves. May the Lord bless you all to know what dreams to pursue, and what dreams to lay down...and may you have the courage to do both.

Just a note

Today I had the pleasure of listening to general conference, and once again it lifted my spirits and showed me things I could be doing better. James and I have a goal to not watch so much TV, so this week we have planned to not watch TV until Saturday night when we intend to watch our only favorite show via the Internet - Eli Stone.

For any of you who have yet to see this show, you really should watch it. It's about a lawyer (Eli) who gets visions and sees things that no one else sees. Most of them are rather silly, really and almost all of them involve George Michael in one way or another. Turns out he is having these visions due to a brain aneurysm in an inoperable part of his brain; the same condition his father had though he (Eli) thought it was due to his father being an alcoholic. At any rate, it's on abc.com and I highly recommend it. I'm sure I'll be speaking of this show more often.

Today in its entirety was pretty good. I got to spend the day with James talking about dreams and goals, and listening to modern day prophets and apostles speak. How can that be a bad thing?

Success!

Well I did it. I know the day isn't over yet, but I'm chocking this one up as a success. As you may (or may not) know, I decided to spend the day thinking good thoughts, not complaining, and not being a burden on my fellow co-workers. I think it was a good experience that everyone should try at some point in their lives. There were two things that were most surprising to me during this challenge: 1. I was really quiet, and 2. I think negative thoughts more than I actually thought I did. Case in point for number two. I drive into the parking lot at work today and there is a an employee walking up to the building. When he hears my car, he turns around and looks right at me. Most people would just look away, or smile. However, in my mind I thought, "Yes?! What are you looking at?!" and I was honestly mad that he would even look at me. What a great start to the day, right? Not so, my friends. I immediately shook my head, cleared out the bad thoughts, and decided to say something nice about him in my mind, "That shirt looks good on him." It made me feel better.

That's how most of my day went. Only once did I say something mean about someone (I called some people "dorks") and even then I changed my words. It was a good lesson in being conscious of what I really think and say. I think I'll try this more often. It's like a fast for the mind. :)

Two good things that happened to me today. First, when my husband came home I told him about how hard I worked at being positive and not complaining. Then I told him (albeit jokingly) that I was starting to get a buildup of negative things because of it. He immediately got up, didn't even hesitate, came over and gave me a great big hug. He said "I know exactly how to get rid of that buildup. I'll just hug you until it subsides." So sweet!! And the second thing was when two separate people called me to tell me they saw me driving past them and they wanted to say hello. Very nice. I kind of like days like this.

A New Goal (for tomorrow)

I think I complain too much. Anyone who knows me knows this to be true (though they may be nice and try to assure me otherwise). However, I know this about myself. I see it in the expression of my co-worker who is already stressed to the max with his own duties and gives me that half-paying-attention look. I know I should stop, but I just have to get out whatever the immediate frustration is, so I complain, and in some instances I think I bring him down. Now, don't get me wrong. Venting is a perfectly appropriate thing to do every once in a while. I have noticed that I "vent" more often than any person should. The other day I heard another one of my co-workers talking about one of the employees who seemed to complain about everything the company was doing. He complained to everyone and would comment about how he should just retire (he's an older man). The co-worker said to us "Geez. I would hate to be that old and be that disgruntled about my job." It cut me. It cut me real deep.

So I have decided that tomorrow I am going to try to go through the whole day without complaining about anything. And I mean anything. I am going to find nice things to say (if I can't say them already), I'm going to think good thoughts (instead of the negative ones that are there more often than not), and I'm going to try my best to not bring my co-worker down. I understand this is going to be a challenge, but it is a challenge I really need so I can see just how much I complain in a day, and if I am strong enough to change my thoughts and words. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Oh, and my good thing for today...when I got into work I noticed that someone had changed my calendar over to the month of April for me. I know it's not the greatest thing in the world to most people, but I couldn't help but think that it was such a nice gesture, and it made me smile every time I looked at it. Good things do not always have to be on a grand scale. :)

With Snow Comes....Migraines

Today was a difficult day for me as I woke up with an extremely painful migraine. James had to teach the lesson in church by himself, and that made me feel bad. See, we (James and I) are trying to figure out just exactly what is causing my migraines. He thinks they have been much more prevalent during the winter than any other time of year. We are trying to see if this is the case by writing down all the times I have a migraine and what the weather was like the day before, and the day of. Well, yesterday the weather here in Colorado was a beautiful 60 or 70 degrees. It was beautiful, sunny, and a little windy. However, today when the alarm went off and I wished I could throw it out of the window, we saw that it was snowing and about 30 degrees. It stayed cold all day and it is even snowing again now. The weather is supposed to stay cool and rainy/snowy for the next few days, so I should be safe. I'm thinking James may be correct in his thinking about the weather and my migraines.

To stick with my goal of finding the good out of life, you may be wondering what the good could be from getting a migraine and thus making my husband teach a class of 9 and 10 year olds by himself. Well, the good thing is James. He amazes me with his kindness, his generosity, and his selflessness. He never hesitates to get me medicine, or a cold towel to place over my eyes and head; he never complains and never waivers. He is such a wonderful example to me of selfless love. It is during times like this, when I am most helpless, that I wonder what he sees in me. I have been moved to tears before thinking about how much he does for me, and how little I feel I do for him. But above everything else I know he loves me beyond any doubt. I may not know why, but I know that he does and for that I am extremely grateful.

I like to read the story in the Bible about the woman who was stricken with an issue of blood that no doctor could fix. For so long she suffered, begged, and prayed to be made whole but nothing could be done. One day she hears someone say that Jesus is coming and for the first time she realizes that she can be healed if all she does is just touch his robes. The hope and faith that entered her heart must have caused her such joy that I imagine she all but ran into the street, and threw herself into the crowd willing herself to push through and touch the robes before he passed. Sometimes I can feel the panic she may have had when she thought she might miss her chance, but finally she was able to touch the robes. In that very instant she was healed. Her faith in what the Savior could do cleared up any "issue" that lingered. And in the crowd of followers who were pushing and shoving, when she thought he would never notice, he stopped and asked who touched him. I often wonder what went through her mind in that moment. Did she waiver? Was she afraid he would be upset? Should she run? Of course she did not fear. She was just cured of any and all sickness! How could someone be afraid after such a miracle?

Often when I am in my darkest hour of pain and fear I may never be made whole, I reflect on this story of amazing faith and keep pushing my way through the crowd. I don't want to miss my chance to touch his robes and be healed.

A New Resolve

Alright, I have a new resolve to update this blog much more frequently. This is thanks in part to my wonderful sister-in-law Ashley who read it for the first time today. I feel bad because it has been over a year since I posted anything, but lately I have been hearing this little voice in the back of my mind telling me I should post more often. There are so many things I want to say, and so many things that I want to share. This is an outlet I can use to its fullest potential to share those words and thoughts I tend to suppress each day. Not only that, but I have read other blogs recently that are amazing and have touched my life for the good. I want to do that as well. I never know what person out there will need to hear my words, will need to be bolstered by my comments, or comforted in their time of need by my thoughts.

It will also be good for me to spend some time each day thinking about the things that have happened and find some good in the world. I have noticed lately that I tend to complain...OK, maybe I haven't noticed that lately, rather it has been more noticeable than before, and this bothers me. I don't want to be the type of person who is only known for saying negative things, or complaining about things I have the power to change. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

Yes, my little world needs to see some changes and I need to be that change. I can't expect others to change things for me, nor should I expect others to change because of me. So, from this day forward I will be updating you all on my daily adventures, thoughts, and experiences and hope that you are able to see the good in the world that I do.

Have a :) day!