Monday, May 26, was Memorial day. It was also my birthday.
It happens like that every few years or so. I never really gave the shared days much pondering. I would remember those who had died for our country and celebrate my birthday all on the same day. There was usually some sort of celebration and my own quiet thoughts and prayers of thanks for those who had made the ultimate sacrifice. I will admit that I didn't spend too much time truly pondering what the day meant because, I am embarrassed to admit, I was too busy having a good time celebrating my birthday.
This year it was different.
I've noticed a trend lately that has me quite bothered. This trend involves most any holiday that focuses on one single group of people. It could be Mother's day, Veterans day, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Lent, Father's day, or Memorial day. There may be one or two that I have forgotten but you get the idea. I've noticed that instead of celebrating or honoring the people who the holiday is for, a lot of people tend to include everyone else so as not to make others feel bad or left out.
For example, on Mother's day I had several people wish me a happy Mother's day. I am not a mother. I don't have any children - biological, adopted, or otherwise. I am perfectly fine with this and feel no sorrow or sadness or jealousy for actual mothers getting a day all to themselves. This is not the first year this has happened. It happens practically every year. For the past couple of years I would say something to one person about how I'm not a mother and it would almost immediately be followed up with "Oh, but you're a mother to so many! Look at all your brothers and sisters, your nieces and nephews, any children you help take care of. You are a mother-like figure to all of them!" I didn't quite know how to respond to that so I would just smile and be on my way. However, I decided that enough was enough and this year when anyone wished me a happy Mother's day I started to tell them I wasn't a mother but then stopped. I began telling people that Mother's day is for the mothers of the world and that I did not feel left out or upset in any way that I was not included in that group. I told them I was happy to have a day to celebrate how hard mothers work and how much they do for their children. I told them to let the actual mothers have their day of celebration and to stop wishing every woman they see a happy Mother's day. Reading that last sentence over again makes me sound like a jerk. I promise you I said it in much nicer tones and probably better words.
Memorial day is no exception to this influx of making sure everyone is included. I saw numerous posts on Facebook wishing everyone a happy Memorial day. At first I was confused. This isn't a holiday to wish someone a happy day. Perhaps you could make the argument that they are simply wishing people happy memories of those they have lost. Perhaps, but I doubt it. I also saw numerous posts thanking those people who had sacrificed their lives for our freedom as well as those who continue to serve. Let me clear something up. Memorial day is a day of remembrance for those men and women who have died fighting for our country. It is for us to remember why we are a free country in the first place. It is one day of the year that we can focus our thoughts and gratitude on the people who have willing given up their lives. Their blood is in our soil and we need to take that day to remember what they did for us. Veterans day is a day set aside for us to thank those who have served, and those who continue to serve, our country. That is a day to thank those men and women who are still sacrificing their time and energy and safety to keep us free, as well as those who have served in the military and are still alive.
I took some time to ponder my birthday and Memorial day this year. I realized that every year I get to celebrate my birth into a free country, with all the blessing and freedoms that I enjoy to this very second because of those who have given their life to keep our country safe. It was an interesting juxtaposition: a day to remember those who had died on a day meant to celebrate my own life. I am so grateful for those men and women who willing stepped into the line of fire to defend our country. I am forever thankful that they bravely and courageously offered to protect the freedoms we have today. I can't imagine the effect their sacrifice has had on their families and friends but I cannot seem to put into words my sincerest gratitude and love for each one of those men and women. I am able to celebrate my birth into a free country on the same day we all remember them and what they have done. Don't take that day for granted, and please don't generalize it to include everyone.
Wednesday, May 28
Tuesday, May 13
How I Am Now
Again, I apologize for the lengthy delay in making a new post. Life just...happens, and before I know it, it's been about seven months since I last posted anything. I like to read blogs from people who have experienced the same things I have, and it always causes me concern when they say they are going to keep updating everyone on how they are doing but they don't. I think I have become that person about three or four times now. So, let me give you an update on my health and life.
The surgery was about eight months ago and things are healing well. My scar is not as noticeable, well at least not to me. I still see people try and sneak peeks at it while they talk to me. I don't mind. I thought children would be the ones to look and point and ask questions, but honestly it's been the adults. That surprised me. No one has been mean or rude to me or made fun of my scar or anything, but it's always surprising to me to meet someone for the first time and have them look me in the eyes, then stare at my neck. It's kind of funny, actually. It doesn't bother me at all. I know what I've had to go through to get that scar and I'm grateful that I'm on the healing end of it now.
My neck is sore and tight quite often. There isn't a move I make with my neck that I don't feel muscles protesting and nerves reminding me where they are. It's not extremely painful, but it can be bothersome. I don't like things touching my neck because it feels weird, so I don't wear necklaces anymore. Perhaps some day I will, but for now I don't. I also have a very sensitive spot just below my collar bone on the right side. I can't even tough it without it sending some serious nerve pain down my body. I try and keep anything off of it, so I can often be found pulling at the neckline of my shirts to try and adjust it so it isn't touching that spot. My doctor said a lot of people complain about that sensitive spot. I'm not worried about it, and there isn't anything that can be done about it, but I just find it interesting.
I'm still extremely tired. I thought that would get better, but it hasn't and I'm trying to deal with this new normal for me. I try and plan things for after a certain time in the morning, and before a certain time in the afternoon. These times work the best for me so that I'm able to get the rest I need, and if I do have a busy day then I have the late afternoon and early evening to rest. This isn't a "I didn't sleep so well last night" kind of tired. This is a whole new level of tired. Exhaustion is closer, really. I'll be in the middle of a sentence and it'll hit me. This is a "if I don't sleep right now I am going to pass out" kind of tired. There are things I've learned to work around and plan and prepare for. Going to church on Sundays is great, but really exhausting to me so I end up taking a very long nap each Sunday after church. I went to a Family History Fair a few weeks ago and it was really awesome! I was there for five hours helping out and attending a couple of the classes, but then I had to leave because I had exhausted myself. The rest of the day was spent lying down and sleeping. I haven't found a happy medium yet. Yesterday I was feeling alright and so I was able to do a few more things. Today I am wiped out and ended up sleeping until early afternoon, and I still don't feel that great. So, it's a day by day sort of thing. Again, I'm trying to adjust to this new normal for me.
My blood tests are all good and where they need to be. I still have frequent doctor appointments but that's alright because I want to make sure that everything is healing nicely. The scar is healing, my blood levels are good, but the side effects, if you will, are what are hard to get used to. Everyone is different in how they heal from any type of surgery so what I have gone through may not be how someone else goes through the same thing. They may be fine and ready to conquer the world a month after their surgery, or they may take an extra six months to heal properly. Who knows? If any of you are experiencing health issues, I empathize with your situation. It's never easy. If any of you have any questions for me, please ask me in the comments section. Thanks for sticking with me! I'll try and do better going forward.
The surgery was about eight months ago and things are healing well. My scar is not as noticeable, well at least not to me. I still see people try and sneak peeks at it while they talk to me. I don't mind. I thought children would be the ones to look and point and ask questions, but honestly it's been the adults. That surprised me. No one has been mean or rude to me or made fun of my scar or anything, but it's always surprising to me to meet someone for the first time and have them look me in the eyes, then stare at my neck. It's kind of funny, actually. It doesn't bother me at all. I know what I've had to go through to get that scar and I'm grateful that I'm on the healing end of it now.
My neck is sore and tight quite often. There isn't a move I make with my neck that I don't feel muscles protesting and nerves reminding me where they are. It's not extremely painful, but it can be bothersome. I don't like things touching my neck because it feels weird, so I don't wear necklaces anymore. Perhaps some day I will, but for now I don't. I also have a very sensitive spot just below my collar bone on the right side. I can't even tough it without it sending some serious nerve pain down my body. I try and keep anything off of it, so I can often be found pulling at the neckline of my shirts to try and adjust it so it isn't touching that spot. My doctor said a lot of people complain about that sensitive spot. I'm not worried about it, and there isn't anything that can be done about it, but I just find it interesting.
I'm still extremely tired. I thought that would get better, but it hasn't and I'm trying to deal with this new normal for me. I try and plan things for after a certain time in the morning, and before a certain time in the afternoon. These times work the best for me so that I'm able to get the rest I need, and if I do have a busy day then I have the late afternoon and early evening to rest. This isn't a "I didn't sleep so well last night" kind of tired. This is a whole new level of tired. Exhaustion is closer, really. I'll be in the middle of a sentence and it'll hit me. This is a "if I don't sleep right now I am going to pass out" kind of tired. There are things I've learned to work around and plan and prepare for. Going to church on Sundays is great, but really exhausting to me so I end up taking a very long nap each Sunday after church. I went to a Family History Fair a few weeks ago and it was really awesome! I was there for five hours helping out and attending a couple of the classes, but then I had to leave because I had exhausted myself. The rest of the day was spent lying down and sleeping. I haven't found a happy medium yet. Yesterday I was feeling alright and so I was able to do a few more things. Today I am wiped out and ended up sleeping until early afternoon, and I still don't feel that great. So, it's a day by day sort of thing. Again, I'm trying to adjust to this new normal for me.
My blood tests are all good and where they need to be. I still have frequent doctor appointments but that's alright because I want to make sure that everything is healing nicely. The scar is healing, my blood levels are good, but the side effects, if you will, are what are hard to get used to. Everyone is different in how they heal from any type of surgery so what I have gone through may not be how someone else goes through the same thing. They may be fine and ready to conquer the world a month after their surgery, or they may take an extra six months to heal properly. Who knows? If any of you are experiencing health issues, I empathize with your situation. It's never easy. If any of you have any questions for me, please ask me in the comments section. Thanks for sticking with me! I'll try and do better going forward.
Tuesday, October 1
Getting Back Into The Swing of Things
Life lately has been a little slow, mainly because I am still recovering from surgery. Can you believe it's been two weeks since the surgery already? I can't either. For the most part, it has gone by fast, but there are a few days that I can recall that seemed to drag. I am really grateful that my neck is healing more and more each day. I still tire easily, but I am only two weeks out from the surgery and I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll more than likely be tired for the rest of my life. That's alright. I can sleep when I die. Although, I don't think I'll want to...I might not even need to. Who knows?
Anyway, today is a great day because it's finally October!!! Woo-hoo!! These next three months of the year are my absolute favorite time. The summer is winding down. Days are getting cooler. The leaves change to the most brilliant colors I've ever seen in nature. Pumpkin is abundant. Fireplaces light up and the smell of firewood burning infuses the air. I love all things about this season. I have a freezer full of homemade pumpkin puree that is just begging me to make something. Perhaps I'll make this, or some of these, or maybe even this.
On Saturday, James and I went to a local farmers market. I was feeling well enough to want to walk around and I really wanted to get some homegrown tomatoes, since ours didn't turn out so well. So we went on a little outing and had a really fun time. We ended up getting a case of tomatoes and decided that we would can some diced tomatoes. It would be our first time ever canning tomatoes, and we were pretty excited about it. Monday comes and we start getting everything ready for the tomatoes to can. It was a lot of work! James was out bringing in the last items from our garden. We have a whole table full of parsley, sage, and basil that we are going to dry and use throughout the winter. It's fun to see all those herbs, but I also know that I have to dry them all today. My house is going to smell amazing. Anyway, while James was getting the items from the garden I was prepping all the tomatoes. I washed, peeled, diced, and stuffed the jars full and then James canned them for me. His was the easy part. We ended up with 16 pints of diced tomatoes. Not bad. Not bad at all. We also saw pumpkins at the farmers market so we plan to go back towards the end of the month and get some homegrown pumpkins to carve for Halloween this year.
We usually like to decorate for Halloween on the first day of October. James has to work today and I'm just exhausted from all the tomatoes yesterday, so we are planning on decorating this weekend. I am so excited about it. I'll be sure to post pictures of our Halloween decorations after we are done. Have a great day everyone!
Anyway, today is a great day because it's finally October!!! Woo-hoo!! These next three months of the year are my absolute favorite time. The summer is winding down. Days are getting cooler. The leaves change to the most brilliant colors I've ever seen in nature. Pumpkin is abundant. Fireplaces light up and the smell of firewood burning infuses the air. I love all things about this season. I have a freezer full of homemade pumpkin puree that is just begging me to make something. Perhaps I'll make this, or some of these, or maybe even this.
On Saturday, James and I went to a local farmers market. I was feeling well enough to want to walk around and I really wanted to get some homegrown tomatoes, since ours didn't turn out so well. So we went on a little outing and had a really fun time. We ended up getting a case of tomatoes and decided that we would can some diced tomatoes. It would be our first time ever canning tomatoes, and we were pretty excited about it. Monday comes and we start getting everything ready for the tomatoes to can. It was a lot of work! James was out bringing in the last items from our garden. We have a whole table full of parsley, sage, and basil that we are going to dry and use throughout the winter. It's fun to see all those herbs, but I also know that I have to dry them all today. My house is going to smell amazing. Anyway, while James was getting the items from the garden I was prepping all the tomatoes. I washed, peeled, diced, and stuffed the jars full and then James canned them for me. His was the easy part. We ended up with 16 pints of diced tomatoes. Not bad. Not bad at all. We also saw pumpkins at the farmers market so we plan to go back towards the end of the month and get some homegrown pumpkins to carve for Halloween this year.
We usually like to decorate for Halloween on the first day of October. James has to work today and I'm just exhausted from all the tomatoes yesterday, so we are planning on decorating this weekend. I am so excited about it. I'll be sure to post pictures of our Halloween decorations after we are done. Have a great day everyone!
Thursday, September 26
Before and After
Hello again everyone! I finally feel like I am back from the land of the ill. Well, somewhat at least. This whole surgery has been quite the experience, and I find I am very grateful that I am now in the healing stages of it. I can hardly believe that it was just over a week ago that I went in to have a bilateral neck dissection. I can also hardly believe that things are healing so well and I'm feeling so much better. Today I'm tired, but I had a pretty busy day yesterday so it was to be expected.
The surgery went well. No complications and no nausea (thank you very much modern medicine!). The nursing staff at the hospital were nothing short of angels. I'm not joking or exaggerating that at all. These lovely women and men were so kind and compassionate, so understanding and caring that I was not prepared to become so attached to them. I plan on making a visit to them once I am able to go out on my own again. They were amazing, and the hospital was astounding.
I just love my doctor. I can honestly say I am a repeat customer, since he did my first surgery (thyroidectomy) four years ago. Dr. Andrew Nemechek is one of the best doctors I have ever been able to work with. He is so fun and really gets to know his patients. He is firm and confident in his medical knowledge and care of patients, and he is kind and supportive and really enjoys people. I can't say enough nice things about him and would highly recommend him to anyone who may need a head and neck surgeon in the Denver metro area.
I had a hard time in the hospital because my tail bone hurt so bad. I couldn't really lay on my side at all, so for about six days I slept on my back. Anyone who has been to the hospital knows that the beds and chairs are not the most comfortable places to try and rest, nor are we as people meant to lie around for six days. By the time Sunday rolled around I was anxious to go home. I was released on Sunday morning and slept most of the day when I got home.
My husband is so wonderful to me. He has taken care of me so well, so beyond what I ever expected, that it moves me to think about it. You never know truly how much people love you until they serve you in the most vulnerable ways. He helps me bathe, consistently puts medicine on my wound, fills my ice bags, rubs lotion on my arms and legs, helps me move, lifts and supports my head and neck, makes me breakfast and lunch and dinner, goes to the store to get me things I need for the healing process, ties my hair back, and practically waits on me hand and foot yet he still goes to work each day, and does everything in the house that needs to be done that I am not able to help with yet. Never once has he complained. Never once has he said he just needed to rest. Never once did he not help me with something I needed, and even does things for me I don't need. I've told him "thank you" a million times, and "I love you" a million more. He has told me that he loves me more because of this experience, and I have told him the same thing. My husband means everything to me, and he makes my whole world happy.
I received lots of visitors at the hospital, for which I am very grateful. Thank you to everyone who came to see me. You have no idea how much you uplifted me at the exact moment I needed it. I love you all and appreciate you taking the time to come visit me! :)
Now, on to some pictures. This is the part where I have to warn you that some people may find these pictures a bit graphic. There isn't any blood or nasty stuff, but I just have to put the warning out there.
Everything is healing nicely and I'm just trying to give my body the time it needs to heal. I hope this is all the surgery I have to do. They ended up removing 59 lymph nodes and only finding cancer in 8 or 9 of them, so getting the surgery done now was definitely the way to go since it hadn't spread very far. The ultrasounds only showed three lymph nodes that were cancerous, so if we just would have gone in and taken out those three lymph nodes we would have had to go back some time later and had more surgery to remove the ones that were still in there we couldn't see. Hopefully I can be declared cancer free in a little while and move on to bigger and better things. I hope everyone is doing well and happy. Take care!
The surgery went well. No complications and no nausea (thank you very much modern medicine!). The nursing staff at the hospital were nothing short of angels. I'm not joking or exaggerating that at all. These lovely women and men were so kind and compassionate, so understanding and caring that I was not prepared to become so attached to them. I plan on making a visit to them once I am able to go out on my own again. They were amazing, and the hospital was astounding.
I just love my doctor. I can honestly say I am a repeat customer, since he did my first surgery (thyroidectomy) four years ago. Dr. Andrew Nemechek is one of the best doctors I have ever been able to work with. He is so fun and really gets to know his patients. He is firm and confident in his medical knowledge and care of patients, and he is kind and supportive and really enjoys people. I can't say enough nice things about him and would highly recommend him to anyone who may need a head and neck surgeon in the Denver metro area.
I had a hard time in the hospital because my tail bone hurt so bad. I couldn't really lay on my side at all, so for about six days I slept on my back. Anyone who has been to the hospital knows that the beds and chairs are not the most comfortable places to try and rest, nor are we as people meant to lie around for six days. By the time Sunday rolled around I was anxious to go home. I was released on Sunday morning and slept most of the day when I got home.
My husband is so wonderful to me. He has taken care of me so well, so beyond what I ever expected, that it moves me to think about it. You never know truly how much people love you until they serve you in the most vulnerable ways. He helps me bathe, consistently puts medicine on my wound, fills my ice bags, rubs lotion on my arms and legs, helps me move, lifts and supports my head and neck, makes me breakfast and lunch and dinner, goes to the store to get me things I need for the healing process, ties my hair back, and practically waits on me hand and foot yet he still goes to work each day, and does everything in the house that needs to be done that I am not able to help with yet. Never once has he complained. Never once has he said he just needed to rest. Never once did he not help me with something I needed, and even does things for me I don't need. I've told him "thank you" a million times, and "I love you" a million more. He has told me that he loves me more because of this experience, and I have told him the same thing. My husband means everything to me, and he makes my whole world happy.
I received lots of visitors at the hospital, for which I am very grateful. Thank you to everyone who came to see me. You have no idea how much you uplifted me at the exact moment I needed it. I love you all and appreciate you taking the time to come visit me! :)
Now, on to some pictures. This is the part where I have to warn you that some people may find these pictures a bit graphic. There isn't any blood or nasty stuff, but I just have to put the warning out there.
In the hospital. This is the right side of my neck. The incision starts just below my ear.
This is the middle of my neck. The scar goes all the way around to just below my left ear.
This is at home. They took half the staples out when I left the hospital. I had two drains in as well, but they removed one on Friday or Saturday and the other right before I was discharged on Sunday. This is the right side of my neck.
Middle of my neck. That goopy looking stuff is called Bacitracin. It's like Neosporin and helps the wound to heal.
The left side of my neck. You can see where one of the drain holes used to be, and I'm a little bruised. This side was not as involved as the right side was.
I'm still smiling! Or at least trying to. I am still numb in places on my face, and may be permanently numb in the area just below my chin due to the nerves that were cut.
I have two ice bags on my neck. That's my sanctuary.
All the staples were taken out and this is the right side of my neck. You can see the drain hole from this side just below the top of the scar.
Middle of my neck. I think it's cool that you can see where the staples were.
Left side of my neck.
Tuesday, September 10
So Much Time and So Little To Do
Strike that. Reverse it. There is so little time and so much to do before the surgery. I find myself asking my husband the most random questions out of the blue that have nothing to do with the conversation we are having at that moment. It's both funny and embarrassing. I keep having the airport scene from "Sleepless in Seattle" running through my head where Sam (the main character) is speaking to Jonah (his son) about the woman he is dating. He says: "She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use a barrette to keep her hair out of her face? These are things I'm willing to get to the bottom of. And that is why I am dating her." Search the airport scene from the movie on YouTube and you'll see what I am talking about.
I have so many questions going through my mind about the surgery and hospital stay, such as, will there be wi-fi in the hospital room? Should I bring an extra pillow? Will I be able to wash my hair while I'm there? Am I going to be sharing a room with someone? I think as a standard rule, anyone who has just had surgery should always have their own room. The last thing I need is to hear someone getting sick on the other side of the room. No. Thank. You.
See what I mean? Totally random.
This surgery is hitting me really hard. I don't know why I am so anxious and nervous about this. The first surgery was fine. Yes, I was extremely nervous and somewhat anxious, but I guess I didn't know what I was going in to. That's one of the things I have been wrestling with these past few weeks. I honestly don't know what is worse: knowing what to expect, or not knowing what to expect. I sort of know what to expect with this surgery, but there is still so much more I don't know what to expect. I can only hope this week goes by fast.
I went to my pre-admissions appointment yesterday and I'll admit I was hoping they would find something that would cause them to postpone the surgery. They didn't. Everything looks great. No worries or concerns whatsoever. Curses. While I was there one of the nurses told me that they usually have people stay in the hospital for three days, not including the day of the surgery. I guess I won't be going home until Friday or so. Maybe things will go smoother than expected and I will be able to go home earlier. Maybe I'll heal quicker and will be blessed to not have any complications and will be able to go home quicker than others. Maybe.
I read a quote the other day that really struck me and my current situation. I'll end with it and leave you to ponder it for yourself:
"Enduring well is clearly an essential part of mortality's planned refining process. Refining requires heat. Refining also requires time. Furthermore, if whatever constitutes 'it' is to be endured well, refining also requires of its recipients a genuine and continuing confidence in the Refiner." - Neal A. Maxwell
I have so many questions going through my mind about the surgery and hospital stay, such as, will there be wi-fi in the hospital room? Should I bring an extra pillow? Will I be able to wash my hair while I'm there? Am I going to be sharing a room with someone? I think as a standard rule, anyone who has just had surgery should always have their own room. The last thing I need is to hear someone getting sick on the other side of the room. No. Thank. You.
See what I mean? Totally random.
This surgery is hitting me really hard. I don't know why I am so anxious and nervous about this. The first surgery was fine. Yes, I was extremely nervous and somewhat anxious, but I guess I didn't know what I was going in to. That's one of the things I have been wrestling with these past few weeks. I honestly don't know what is worse: knowing what to expect, or not knowing what to expect. I sort of know what to expect with this surgery, but there is still so much more I don't know what to expect. I can only hope this week goes by fast.
I went to my pre-admissions appointment yesterday and I'll admit I was hoping they would find something that would cause them to postpone the surgery. They didn't. Everything looks great. No worries or concerns whatsoever. Curses. While I was there one of the nurses told me that they usually have people stay in the hospital for three days, not including the day of the surgery. I guess I won't be going home until Friday or so. Maybe things will go smoother than expected and I will be able to go home earlier. Maybe I'll heal quicker and will be blessed to not have any complications and will be able to go home quicker than others. Maybe.
I read a quote the other day that really struck me and my current situation. I'll end with it and leave you to ponder it for yourself:
"Enduring well is clearly an essential part of mortality's planned refining process. Refining requires heat. Refining also requires time. Furthermore, if whatever constitutes 'it' is to be endured well, refining also requires of its recipients a genuine and continuing confidence in the Refiner." - Neal A. Maxwell
Friday, August 30
Hope Amidst The Storms
I think this is the second time that I've brought this blog back to life. I'm sorry, readers or viewers of my blog, that I have not been more consistent with posting here. I've been feeling lately like I need to begin blogging again, and I don't think that prompting could have come at a better time.
When last we met I was discussing New Year's resolutions and musing about what life had in store for me and what I wanted to improve upon. You'll be happy to know that I was successful in my goal setting last year and I obtained what I set out to do, with some pretty great results that even I wasn't expecting. It's always nice to achieve something and have it turn out better than you could have imagined.
My life has changed quite dramatically as of late. Through many tests and doctor's visits they have been able to find the thyroid cancer again. They performed a biopsy on three separate lymph nodes in my neck and they all came back as cancerous. Now I will be going in to have another surgery; a bilateral neck dissection. I'm not looking forward to this procedure because it's much bigger than the first one I had about four and a half years ago and will require a more lengthy surgery, more time in the hospital, and a much bigger scar. Much bigger. I'll keep you all updated on this event and the healing.
I wish I could say that was the only major event happening in our lives lately, but that's not the case. You know the phrase, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane. Everything is falling apart all around me and I truly cannot see how or when this storm will end. My husband and I are hanging onto each other with everything we have and wondering how we are going to survive. To others, it may seem as if we have no hope of coming out of this storm, but they are wrong.
We have hope in Christ, who has made it possible for us to overcome these trials we are facing.
"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." ~ Helaman 5:12
We know there are things we can learn from these trials.
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." ~ Doctrine and Covenants 122:7
And we understand that we can use our struggles and trials to help others gain hope and comfort in their own lives, as well as be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace.
"When Jesus and His disciples passed a man who was blind since his birth, His disciples queried, 'Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
'Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him' (John 9:2-3)
I do not believe our Father in Heaven causes the tragedies and heartbreak in our lives. But as the 'works of God' were made manifest in the healing of a blind man, so also the way we face our personal trials may manifest the 'works of God.'
From our sorrow we might seek out the sweetness and the good that is often associated with and peculiar to our challenge. We can seek out those memorable moments that are frequently hidden by the pain and agony. We can find peace in extending ourselves to others, using our own experiences to provide hope and comfort. And we can always remember with great solemnity and gratitude Him who suffered most to make it all right for us. And by so doing we can be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace. And then, the 'works of God' might be manifest." ~ Richard C. Edgley, April 2002 General Conference
No, our lives are not easy but there is a bigger picture to all this, a picture that I can't fully see yet. I only see my side of it, and it's not looking too pretty. However, I know that our Heavenly Father can see the whole picture and knows what is to come. And He knows we will get through this. I am most grateful for that. So, in the days and weeks to come I will be sharing more of our experiences, trials, and healing. Stay tuned, and we can all go through this together. I'm grateful for your support, love, prayers, and thoughts. Have a good day!
When last we met I was discussing New Year's resolutions and musing about what life had in store for me and what I wanted to improve upon. You'll be happy to know that I was successful in my goal setting last year and I obtained what I set out to do, with some pretty great results that even I wasn't expecting. It's always nice to achieve something and have it turn out better than you could have imagined.
My life has changed quite dramatically as of late. Through many tests and doctor's visits they have been able to find the thyroid cancer again. They performed a biopsy on three separate lymph nodes in my neck and they all came back as cancerous. Now I will be going in to have another surgery; a bilateral neck dissection. I'm not looking forward to this procedure because it's much bigger than the first one I had about four and a half years ago and will require a more lengthy surgery, more time in the hospital, and a much bigger scar. Much bigger. I'll keep you all updated on this event and the healing.
I wish I could say that was the only major event happening in our lives lately, but that's not the case. You know the phrase, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane. Everything is falling apart all around me and I truly cannot see how or when this storm will end. My husband and I are hanging onto each other with everything we have and wondering how we are going to survive. To others, it may seem as if we have no hope of coming out of this storm, but they are wrong.
We have hope in Christ, who has made it possible for us to overcome these trials we are facing.
"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." ~ Helaman 5:12
We know there are things we can learn from these trials.
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." ~ Doctrine and Covenants 122:7
And we understand that we can use our struggles and trials to help others gain hope and comfort in their own lives, as well as be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace.
"When Jesus and His disciples passed a man who was blind since his birth, His disciples queried, 'Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
'Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him' (John 9:2-3)
I do not believe our Father in Heaven causes the tragedies and heartbreak in our lives. But as the 'works of God' were made manifest in the healing of a blind man, so also the way we face our personal trials may manifest the 'works of God.'
From our sorrow we might seek out the sweetness and the good that is often associated with and peculiar to our challenge. We can seek out those memorable moments that are frequently hidden by the pain and agony. We can find peace in extending ourselves to others, using our own experiences to provide hope and comfort. And we can always remember with great solemnity and gratitude Him who suffered most to make it all right for us. And by so doing we can be strengthened to bear our burdens in peace. And then, the 'works of God' might be manifest." ~ Richard C. Edgley, April 2002 General Conference
No, our lives are not easy but there is a bigger picture to all this, a picture that I can't fully see yet. I only see my side of it, and it's not looking too pretty. However, I know that our Heavenly Father can see the whole picture and knows what is to come. And He knows we will get through this. I am most grateful for that. So, in the days and weeks to come I will be sharing more of our experiences, trials, and healing. Stay tuned, and we can all go through this together. I'm grateful for your support, love, prayers, and thoughts. Have a good day!
Wednesday, January 4
A New Year
I know it's been a while since I posted anything on here. Most of you can attest to the craziness that is the holidays during the last part of the year. Mine was no exception. I had a wonderful time with friends and family and am now slowly getting back into the routine we had before all the holidays. We love Christmas and celebrating New Years. Sometimes it's a hit or a miss as far as the latter is concerned, but this year it was a hit. We statyed at home, snacked on some appetizers and Dr. Pepper, and played Lego Star Wars on the Gamecube. At midnight we toasted the hopes and dreams of the new year with some sparkling cider, kissed each other, and then continued to play the Gamecube for another couple of hours. It was great. Now, I am ready to start a new year and see what life has in store for us.
For the past few weeks James and I have been discussing our new years resolutions with each other. I like setting new years goals, even though I hardly ever achieve them. I'll be honest. I can get pretty excited about my goals for the first few weeks into the new years and then something happens and I find I'm always rushing to catch up. I feel like I'm behind most, if not all, of the year and then when it comes time to review those goals I don't measure up. I almost complete some of them, and don't even touch the others. I think maybe I set too many at once, and of those that I set, my expectations at achieving them are too high. In short, I expect too much of myself with the goals I set. I have to learn how to modestly set goals.
So, my goals for this year are small in number, and not too difficult. They are goals which will certainly push me and will be a struggle, but not ones that I think will be too hard for me to do. I'm not going to share them with you, as some of them are more personal in nature, but perhaps at the end of this year I will share them in preparation of the new year.
One that I will share with you is to be OK with who I am. I'm still experiencing some health issues which are proving to be most frustrating. I've had so many tests done and everything comes back as "normal" but yet there is something really wrong. I struggle with trying to understand what I need to learn from this health challenge, and how I can deal with it. I want to not be bitter about it. I want to give it all to God and not worry about it. I want to be able to do what I used to do before, and to me that seems like such a small request but one that I have not been granted. I really want those things, but those might not be the things that the Lord wants for me. I'm a firm believer that we go through trials and challenges for a reason. I know there is a reason out there for why I need to go through this and maybe I can't see or accept it because I am just too bitter about it. I truly do want to learn what the Lord wants me to learn from this so I need to change my thinking and my attitude. It has been such a struggle for me. This year I am going to work on being OK with who I am and that alone is more than likely going to be a challenge enough for me.
I wish everyone a happy and positive New Year. I hope all your best wishes and dreams come true and that your hard work will pay off. Be happy and be good to other people!
For the past few weeks James and I have been discussing our new years resolutions with each other. I like setting new years goals, even though I hardly ever achieve them. I'll be honest. I can get pretty excited about my goals for the first few weeks into the new years and then something happens and I find I'm always rushing to catch up. I feel like I'm behind most, if not all, of the year and then when it comes time to review those goals I don't measure up. I almost complete some of them, and don't even touch the others. I think maybe I set too many at once, and of those that I set, my expectations at achieving them are too high. In short, I expect too much of myself with the goals I set. I have to learn how to modestly set goals.
So, my goals for this year are small in number, and not too difficult. They are goals which will certainly push me and will be a struggle, but not ones that I think will be too hard for me to do. I'm not going to share them with you, as some of them are more personal in nature, but perhaps at the end of this year I will share them in preparation of the new year.
One that I will share with you is to be OK with who I am. I'm still experiencing some health issues which are proving to be most frustrating. I've had so many tests done and everything comes back as "normal" but yet there is something really wrong. I struggle with trying to understand what I need to learn from this health challenge, and how I can deal with it. I want to not be bitter about it. I want to give it all to God and not worry about it. I want to be able to do what I used to do before, and to me that seems like such a small request but one that I have not been granted. I really want those things, but those might not be the things that the Lord wants for me. I'm a firm believer that we go through trials and challenges for a reason. I know there is a reason out there for why I need to go through this and maybe I can't see or accept it because I am just too bitter about it. I truly do want to learn what the Lord wants me to learn from this so I need to change my thinking and my attitude. It has been such a struggle for me. This year I am going to work on being OK with who I am and that alone is more than likely going to be a challenge enough for me.
I wish everyone a happy and positive New Year. I hope all your best wishes and dreams come true and that your hard work will pay off. Be happy and be good to other people!
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